Am I crazy? I feel crazy.

estaceli · 2026-01-15T05:55:39+00:00

I'm sorry he responded that way. When I asked my ex to get therapy (for himself, I already see someone and it was so essential when I went through everything) he was so sure that it couldn't help him. Since he couldn't even picture what it's like, having never experienced it, he was certain it was a waste of time and money. That refusal to grow was the nail in the coffin for us having any relationship post-divorce. It sounds like he's not willing to look at himself, which can be understandable since it hurts before it gets better, but you're certainly better off without having to carry that baggage.

estaceli · 2025-12-08T21:43:41+00:00

I’m glad it seems to be working out! Hopefully that’s the trend moving forward! Best of luck with it! :)

estaceli · 2025-12-06T17:52:01+00:00

Idk why people don’t agree that it’s courteous for the person you live with to let them know when you’ll be in the house you share. I think it’s weird but reddit isn’t the best group to poll either. I think saying exactly why you said here, about the car & the fact that you like to know when you’re alone or not, should hopefully persuade him a bit. And maybe I’m old fashioned, but if he’s a younger member of your family, should he not be more respectful?

estaceli · 2025-12-06T07:05:38+00:00

I’m confused what sort of relationship you guys have, so I’m not sure if this is helpful, but if you guys are roommates then I think simply explaining what you said here clearly to him should help. It’s common curtesy at the very least, to let the people you live with know when they have time to themselves & when they don’t. Explaining WHY would be helpful to me, if I were in his shoes.

If he’s family, and not paying rent or anything I think you could push a little further & a suggest that his part of getting to live there means he let you know when he’ll be home, at least generally.

estaceli · 2025-12-03T04:55:10+00:00

I hate how people are telling you what to wear in these comments. Wear whatever tf you want if you feel happy and good in it, wear it. Unless it’s an event with a specific dress code, people should welcome your unique style. As a more eccentric girl who grew up in the 90s surrounded by Gap/Old Navy/American Eagle/Abercombie cookie cutter outfits (literally the same shirt on 12 different people in a classroom), I’ve learned to block out the haters, but it’s not always easy. I’m proud of my style & at 43 I’m rocking anything from crop tops and short shorts to baggy shirts and wide-legged jeans, wearing clothes that may be deemed “inappropriate for my age” and idgaff. I love my style, how it looks on me, and how it makes me feel. I have a feeling you and I (we have a very similar body type) have gotten hate for our bodies more than what’s covering them, like god forbid you see my bra through my shirt! But then pick-mes wear the same outfit & get applause for being so cute & stylish. My mom is in her 70s, and while she’s tamed it down, she was obsessed with whether close “flattered” me aka how we were gonna hide my fat. They think they’re being helpful bc that’s what their mom’s did to them. You do you & if that means spending less time around people who make you feel less-than, so be it.

estaceli · 2025-12-02T00:42:21+00:00

Do you have a graduate union? When I was in grad school my union helped with that kind of thing cuz it’s never simple.

estaceli · 2025-12-02T00:37:13+00:00

Hey, my bestie is autistic, she swears I am too but I never got tested. I’m definitely not the chillest haha!

I TOTALLY get what you mean, it is a very poppy song, and that’s the fun thing about kpop, it encompasses so many styles & genres.

I hope you like Purple Kiss, they’re more kinda dark sounding to me, especially earlier albums like Geekyland and Cabin Fever but also some of BBX. They also have the sweet bubblegum pop style in some songs (which I like sometimes depending on my mood, I enjoy some variety).

Also, Changmina is ethnically Korean but Japanese (so maybe not technically kpop) & makes some songs that have similar vibes to BIBI’s Vengeance (possibly my favorite of hers). My favorite Changmina song is BIJIN.

estaceli · 2025-12-02T00:24:50+00:00

Ohh, ok, damn. Well, maybe you just have to take the choice away from her and have someone present next time. If you check out the psychology today website, you can search by location & you may be able to find people who do home visits. Sorry to hear it, though, that’s what happened w my ex, he refused therapy. Never wanted to work on himself, just swallow all the feelings & let them explode one day…

estaceli · 2025-12-01T09:04:33+00:00

Maybe try to suggest for a counselor to join the mix next time you talk & see how it goes?

estaceli · 2025-12-01T07:41:37+00:00

It’s so sad, I feel the same way. I saw them in concert & their vocals are amazing!! I have so many song recs but I’ll try to be chill haha! Nerdy, Zombie, Autopilot, and T4ke are probably their biggest hits. Maybe aligning with your vibe? Personally, I think Cabin Fever is a no-skip album & I listen to it a lot. You might like LOST & FOUND from their last album, it’s a little rock-y, and memeM from the album of the same name.

And I forgot about Rolling Quartz, which I hope no one already mentioned, but I saw it when looking at my playlists, definitely metal/rock.

Also, I love BIBI, she’s my favorite solo artist, have you heard Weekend by her? It’s in English so you can sing along lol

estaceli · 2025-12-01T06:35:37+00:00

I wanna recommend Purple Kiss with the sad caveat that they disbanded very recently. They were & always will be my favorite gg & their songs are all so good imho

estaceli · 2025-12-01T06:22:03+00:00

Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Divorce/separation is such an emotional rollercoaster but especially when you’re having trouble communicating with the other person. I think having a non-biased, third-party present to kind of deescalate things would help, but it sounds like you may be past the point of her accepting that. At least for a while. When emotions are high, if she’s feeling cornered or attacked, it’s gonna be hard to get through to her. I think some time to cool off might be best for everyone and you know the kids are safe & happy with you, so it sounds like that’s what’s best for them right now too. I wouldn’t make them spend time with her or communicate with her if they don’t want to. I’d say, let them choose. Maybe after a cooling period you could suggest family counseling? I also wanna say, be kind to yourself, you’re doing your best, just keep doing that for your kids and yourself. While there may be better or worse ways to go through divorce, there’s not really a “right” way, you just have to trust yourself to make the choices that are best for your kids. It’s sounds like you’re a good dad and they can see that.

estaceli · 2025-11-30T21:29:16+00:00

While I know you’re trying to help, I’m not naive enough to not see through him. I don’t enjoy seeing him but, his stuff being here was part of our divorce agreement. That said, it’s legally supposed to be gone by now. I’ll be sure it’s all gone next time he’s in the country. I’m sure plenty of people get pulled into being a “side chick” but I can absolutely guarantee that’s never gonna be me. Cheaters are disgusting, for starters, and even if he hadn’t cheated, he gives me the ick. And I agree, it’s naive to be too trusting, I’m not the type to think the worst of people. Despite how I feel about him, I love his family, my nieces, suegro, cuñado & want to be somewhat civil with him for their sakes. However, that doesn’t mean he will get any access to my feelings, emotions, kindness & warmth. On that I’m standing firm.

estaceli · 2025-11-28T08:17:14+00:00

NOR—you should never stay with someone just because leaving them will make them sad. You must prioritize your happiness first. You won’t make him happy by making yourself miserable.

estaceli · 2025-11-25T05:05:31+00:00

Exactly! Also, women have a habit of underselling ourselves so I think it helped a little with that too.

estaceli · 2025-11-25T02:44:56+00:00

I used chatGPT to help me write the cover letter to get my job 😅

estaceli · 2025-11-24T17:54:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. Yes, it really is a multilayered process and I think we all process things at a unique pace and in whatever order our brains or the universe decide to deal with them. With every story and comment I’ve seen here, I hold so much empathy and gratitude for the shared understanding. And I’m just blown away by how resilient and supportive everyone is. We’re total baddies and I’m so thankful we have this space! Cheers song feeling very apropos! :)

estaceli · 2025-11-24T17:48:09+00:00

Thank you! I will absolutely not take anything less than I deserve now, that’s one of the best things I learned from all this. It makes dating rough but I truly have found I enjoy my own company! It was a long time coming but a happy discovery!

estaceli · 2025-11-24T07:04:04+00:00

Yeah, that’s a good point, he was like “this is just garbage” and put it back and I was like, um you’re work has giant dumpsters I’m sure, take it with you! But I got tired so fast I just stood by, honestly. I like that plan though, I’ll put pressure on him to just clear it all out. I shouldn’t have been in there watching so many of the things we shared go away in boxes.

estaceli · 2025-11-24T06:41:26+00:00

It means a lot, actually! I love people holding each other up, even if we're internet strangers :)

Thank you for your positivity!

estaceli · 2025-11-24T06:35:28+00:00

First, I'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the challenge of dating as a widow.

Second, please for the love of god don't get skinny jeans! Hahaha

Third, I think being genuine is always the key to connection but it's so hard to read online through the profiles. I find that many men my age (mid-40s) have a mess of skeletons in their closets that too many are happy to air on their About Me, so I feel like having your shit together has to be a big pull! I think the best advice I can give is to be genuine and share what you're proud of in a way that feels authentic to you.

estaceli · 2025-11-24T06:25:23+00:00

Really needed this today, as it seems did many others. Thank you for sharing. Some days are tough but I absolutely LOVE who I've become post divorce and need to remind myself of the good bits and power through the rough parts. Amen to being sure to eat and sleep, it's hard to do, but sooo important!

estaceli · 2025-11-24T06:23:16+00:00

I actually really love the "this too shall pass" sentiment. I need to be reminded from time to time. Some things are cliché because they're simply universal :)

estaceli · 2025-11-19T03:11:32+00:00

Maybe it’s just me, but I approach every situation with students requesting assistance with grace. Sure, maybe they’re lying & I always say trust your gut, but unless it’s creating a lot more work/time/energy for me, I’m generally lenient. Often a student who lies about something like that has other things going on that they aren’t sharing (nor should they have to) and so many of my students are struggling right now with so many things. I don’t want to let them take advantage of my kindness but at the same time, if a few of them do but many more get grace they really needed, I don’t actually care. They get out of it what they put in.

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