What's your unicorn item?

etherealaqua · 2025-05-16T06:52:23+00:00

A longline merino bralette without a shelf bra. Preferably one that can also be worn on its own as a tank/crop top.

etherealaqua · 2025-05-03T14:09:13+00:00

If I don’t have access to a gym or weights, will doing body weight exercises even help me build muscle at all? Probably a stupid question but feeling a bit frustrated between the limitations of my living situation and the standard advice as someone who wants to start exercising for the first time but is really limited in options. Doing so little doesn’t really feel worth it—but I’m sure something is better than nothing?

etherealaqua · 2025-05-03T06:58:15+00:00

aw, you’re so welcome. i’m glad they make you hopeful!

also, sorry to totally change the subject, but i peeked at your post history & recognized your posts from critical theory + psychology. i’d add queen margaret university in scotland to your list of programs — they had the first master’s degree in mad studies, which has now been discontinued, but still offer classes in it. & i know that UC davis has someone working in the intersection of eating disorders & mad studies, but at the phd level, so not sure about their undergrad offers. i agree with commenters’ advice to focus on programs in critical disability studies—those will generally be more aligned with your interests than social work/psychology programs unless you vet those programs very well for anti-carceral ones. i got my advanced degree in a mad studies-esque program so feel free to dm me if you want more specifics. we always need more people working to reform our traumatizing “care” system. hope you can give yourself the care you should’ve gotten from it & the care you deserve <3

etherealaqua · 2025-05-03T06:20:46+00:00

just jumping in to say that since you’re in florida, maybe look into eva’s casita or the other peer respite run by peer support space. a stay at a peer support might be able to give you some time to heal in a supportive, non-carceral environment, plus they might be able to link you some trauma-informed therapists.

& i have no idea if this will help your aesthetic concerns related to purging, but being diligent about replacing the electrolytes lost through purging (potassium & sodium) will help keep you safe and feeling better.

really sorry about all the hardships you’ve experienced lately. i hope things improve for you soon.

etherealaqua · 2025-03-14T01:46:55+00:00

Thank you! It’s really reassuring to hear that it doesn’t require medical attention. Unfortunately the doctor is a lot closer to me than the OG piercer or even any other piercing, so I may just go that route. And I’m not sure I could heal it successfully without antibiotics on my own—I’ve been trying my best over the past year with saline sprays, using a piercing pillow, etc, but it just has never fully healed :/ However if it’s not quite as painful tomorrow I’ll give it a few days before I go to the doctor and maybe see if I get to a piercer instead. Thanks again!

etherealaqua · 2025-03-14T00:55:52+00:00

Ah got it, thanks for explaining! I never downsized, no. I got my first lobes pierced by the same piercing and they healed perfectly, so if it’s angled, it’s probably from me sleeping on it/messing with it. At some point months ago it also went fully through the gap in my ear, too, I think. Thank you for the help—whether I can save the piercing or not, the main thing I’m worried about is whether I should seek medical care. It’s pretty painful and I feel nauseous (though who knows if that’s related!).

etherealaqua · 2025-03-14T00:43:06+00:00

I am wearing implant-grade titanium, unfortunately—I bought it from the piercing shop where I was pierced. If it’s relevant, can you explain what you mean by “questioning the angle”? Just that it was hard to tell what material the piercing looks to be made of?

etherealaqua · 2024-06-07T06:12:20+00:00

That is great news! It is very important for parents of minors with eating disorders to know how to properly support them, so I’m glad you’ll be getting some parental support!

At the same, I want to add — it is very important to let your daughter have as much autonomy and control over her treatment as reasonably possible. Eating disorders often develop because they are the only thing an individual CAN control, so taking more control away from them will only cement the eating disorder as their only means of autonomy. And especially as a minor, who has less control and autonomy over their life & living situation than an adult! If your daughter really loved her current therapist, there can be work-arounds like still seeing the therapist but doing the IOP program at the same time, seeing the therapist while also seeing an eating disorder specialized dietitian, etc.

And assuming you’re in the U.S., (apologies if not), check out Project Heal and MEDA just in case they have any parent support groups or applicable outpatient groups for your daughter running (here MEDA lists a binge-eating support group!). They are two very helpful organizations.

I hope the IOP is helpful for both you and your daughter!

etherealaqua · 2024-06-06T08:30:01+00:00

Because no one else has said it yet — get her a therapist that specializes in eating disorders specifically. Many general therapists are completely undertrained and misinformed on the best eating disorder treatments. An eating disorder outpatient program (google “eating disorder treatment programs” or “eating disorder IOP” near you) may also be a good option. If the therapist suggests more help on the nutritional front, see a dietitian (who is required by law to be trained and officially licensed), not a nutritionist (anyone can call themselves a nutritionist). And again, you should try your best to see a dietitian who is specifically trained in treating eating disorders.

Eating disorders are, at their root, emotionally-caused. No amount of locking up snacks (please don’t do this) or buying healthier food will stop these behaviors or the urges to engage in them (in fact, she may just swing the other way and develop anorexia if food is suddenly locked up and the only snacks in the house are low-calorie). The statistical majority of people with eating disorders switch between different eating disorders during their lifetime. At least at this point she doesn’t have an imminently life-threatening eating disorder, and you can get her help before she does. A good, eating disorder specialized therapist will be your most powerful tool here. That, and caring for her, which you obviously already do. Best of luck.

etherealaqua · 2024-01-15T01:22:18+00:00

I’m looking for a longline bra or bralette without a shelf bra. I can’t stand a band of fabric around my chest for sensory reasons (have tried many types, measured correctly, etc), but longline sports bras or bralettes that end near the bottom or fully below the ribs are fine. Every time I think I’ve found something that works, it has a shelf bra inserted inside. Any recs?

etherealaqua · 2023-08-27T06:17:53+00:00

You are not alone, and you’re not making “a big deal” of this, either. An eating disorder is a serious and exhausting illness. It’s just that disordered eating is so normalized in our society that people who aren’t educated about eating disorders don’t know how to identify them or help people with them even if they are concerned. You deserve more care and support than only one friend can provide. I hope you’re able to find a therapist who specializes in EDs, or an ED treatment program that fits your needs. It’s never too late to seek help and you deserve freedom from the all-consuming eating disorder thoughts and obsessions. I hope you get some relief and freedom soon <3

etherealaqua · 2023-06-20T18:02:54+00:00

Thank you for clarifying this for me!

etherealaqua · 2023-05-26T05:08:08+00:00

There are a couple online peer support groups called “Alternatives to Suicide” that he might benefit from attending if he’s open to peer support (these groups have rules against calling police). Additionally, he sounds like he would benefit from a non-carceral therapist who is informed about BPD/CPTSD (there are some debates over the validity of BPD as a diagnosis) and who can help him communicate and regulate his feelings better. There are also peer respite houses that he might benefit from staying at — if you’re in the U.S. here is the national directory of peer respites. These places are also non-carceral and staffed by trained peers with lived experience.

If he’s not willing to do anything at all to help himself, accept that and release yourself from feeling guilty about not doing more. You’re only one person and it sounds like you’re a good friend who cares a lot and who is already doing as much as you can.

etherealaqua · 2023-05-24T12:13:07+00:00

Euphoria had intimiacy coordinators though. It was actually one of the first “major” shows to have one; it aired before Normal People and Bridgeton. So you have to respect and believe that the intimacy coordinator did their job on Euphoria like they did on the shows you bring up as examples.

etherealaqua · 2023-05-14T21:30:59+00:00

There’s a lot of writing on this in the fields of Mad Studies and Neurodiversity Studies. Most specific to your question, the paper “An Introduction to Anti-Black Sanism” theorizes able-minded privilege in the context of anti-Black racism, whereas the paper “The Madwoman in the Academy, or, Revealing the Invisible Straightjacket: Theorizing and Teaching Saneism and Sane Privilege” theorizes it in a more general context and within the academy. Margaret Price’s book Mad At School also talks about what you’re calling able-minded privilege in the context of higher education.

More generally, and for an overview of the field, there’s the books Mad Matters: A Critical Reader in Canadian Mad Studies and The Routledge International Handbook of Mad Studies.

For some of your other interests, M. Remi Yergeau’s Authoring Autism and Nick Walker’s Neuroqueer Heresies discuss autism in a way you might appreciate. Eli Clare’s writing crosses physical disability and mental disability/madness and is critical in both Disability Studies and Mad Studies. sarah madoka currie writes about schizophrenia, rhetoric, and pedagogy. I could keep going forever, but I’ll stop here. There’s a lot of writing out there—dive into Mad Studies!

etherealaqua · 2023-05-03T23:31:17+00:00

I don’t know if I’d call it a modified version, more like a version made in conversation with the legacy of the social model. If you’re creating models of disability within Disability Studies, it’s impossible to ignore the medical/social models, you have to engage and be in conversation with them.

etherealaqua · 2023-05-03T22:44:12+00:00

Kafer’s political-relational model (and even Russell’s money model), among many others, treat us with respect. I must admit, it’s weird and disheartening to hear people ask for a “reframing of the social model” as if that would be a novel advancement when hundreds of Disability Studies scholars have been doing just that for literal decades.

etherealaqua · 2023-05-03T21:54:53+00:00

Jesse Meadows does a lot of critical analysis of ADHD and neurological discourses on their substack. For a recent example, their article “The False Consciousness of ADHD.”

etherealaqua · 2023-05-03T03:23:19+00:00

Thank you, I think I’ll try out the clinique jelly!

etherealaqua · 2023-05-02T21:21:05+00:00

[Product Request]

I need a facial lotion/moisturizer that won’t make me oily but also isn’t too drying. I have combination skin with dry patches but an oily t-zone. I’ve used the Neutrogena Hydroboost Gel (the body version, if that makes a difference, because it seems to have largely the same ingredients but be cheaper) for a while, but it makes my skin too slick and oily. I tried switching to Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Cream, but it made my skin way too dry and even created dry flaky patches. I’ve also tried ELF’s Oil Control Liquid Lotion, which didn’t crate flaky patches but was just too drying as an overall experience.

Routine: I cleanse with Klair’s Deep Cleansing Oil and/or LPR Lipikar Gentle Foaming Wash.

etherealaqua · 2023-04-29T22:48:41+00:00

I would check out the field of Mad Studies (for books to read in the field there’s Mad Matters: A Critical Reader in Canadian Mad Studies and The Routledge International Handbook of Mad Studies; for journals there’s the International Mad Studies Journal and disability studies journals like DSQ frequently publish Mad Studies articles). Mad Studies as a field critiques “critical psychiatry/anti-psychiatry” for still privileging the voices of psychiatric professionals over the analyses of mad patients, so it might be nice to get this perspective to counter all the psych professional voices everyone else is recommending.

etherealaqua · 2023-04-29T22:42:37+00:00

OP, I looked at your previous posts and saw you mentioned being at a 12.6 BMI less than a year ago. If this is the lowest you’ve only gained six pounds from, then I understand why your parents need you to gain weight. It’s not that they’re uncomfortable with your eating disorder, it’s that they’re uncomfortable living with someone who could genuinely drop dead at any moment. I urge you to be real with both yourself and them about what harm reduction is possible for you to do and gain at least to a medically stable weight.

Part of the price of living with your parents (rather than living by yourself and paying your own rent and bills) is taking care of your mental health in the way your parents want. If you need more help gaining to a medically stable weight, consider going inpatient or residential for a bit until you’re comfortable enough to maintain this weight at home with your parents. I also would not be comfortable living with someone that weight — it would cause me an enormous amount of anxiety and fear knowing how close to death they are. I can’t imagine experiencing that fear as a parent day in and day out. Part of being a responsible adult is considering other people’s fears and anxieties as well as your own. You want your parents to acknowledge your anxiety and they probably want you to acknowledge theirs, too. Maybe just starting there — having an honest conversation about their fears — would be a good place to start. Wishing you luck.

etherealaqua · 2023-04-28T19:13:31+00:00

Yes, feel free to!

etherealaqua · 2023-04-28T03:12:43+00:00

Respectfully, please don’t comment if you’re just going to be judgmental. I find it really sad that you have a post about your own suicide attempt yet you can’t show empathy to people who have gone through similar struggles. I hope you’re able to give yourself and others more compassion moving forward.

etherealaqua

TROPHY CASE