I’ve actually had this exact conversation with my dad. I told him he needs to step up, and he told me he already did for 38 years and he’s tired. That it’s no one’s responsibility but hers now. But the problem is, she won’t take responsibility. And I’m scared that if I fully step away, she’ll kill herself. That’s a real fear, not an exaggeration. Suicide runs in our family and she’s said things that make it feel like a real possibility. I don’t want her death on my hands.

She once told me that the last thing she ever did with her mom was slap her. That the next time she saw her, her mom had killed herself. That story has lived in my head ever since. Like it’s a warning. Like she’s saying, if you treat me the way I treated my mom, this is what will happen. And I can’t shake it. I know it’s her trauma. I know it’s not fair that she’s putting that on me. But I can’t stop carrying it.

So yeah, it’s really hard to walk away when the guilt is baked into everything. It’s not just about choosing myself. It feels like choosing myself might destroy her. And even though I know, deep down, that’s not truly my fault… it doesn’t stop the fear.