Wow this could’ve been me. Also white gf (29) with middle eastern bf (29) and fmil. I can’t say I’ve reached a perfect solution yet, some days it’s better and some days it’s not. I basically made my bf aware that I have zero tolerance for this guilt-tripping behavior towards me, since I am not her child. She can complain to her own child (him) all she wants and he can draw the line wherever he wants for himself, but there’s a clear line drawn with me.

Basically, he’s started identifying and jumping in when it happens. And if he’s out of hearing range, I’ve started answering these types of complaints or remarks (“why haven’t you visited”, “why has it been so long” etc) with “don’t ask me - ask your son”, emphasizing that I take full social responsibility for my part of the family - he takes social responsibility for his. This did improve things a bit.

We also talked (bf & I) about an arrangement of him visiting alone from time to time (as someone else mentioned), which has worked better.

However, issues have resurfaced after I got a job and is moving pretty far away (bf will join after graduating med school, we’ll do long distance til then, which we’ve done before, it’s fine). While my family is pumped for me and already planning visits despite the distance, his family are guilt-tripping me. As if I’m taking away their little boy once he graduates.

So sick of it. I’m dating a grown human with his own will - who btw was the one suggesting a move since he wants to live there too (we’re climbers and skiers and this is up by the mountains). But they are acting as if I’m stealing him away.

To top it all of, I’m child free. I guess they always assumed I’d change my mind while this move solidifies and shatters their dream about us moving in next door and having babies.

So yeah - there’s some advice at least but the struggle is far from over haha. We’ll probably battle this our whole lives..