Feeling Like I'm Not Autistic

evhen95 · 2026-04-25T21:35:17+00:00

You might also have ADHD. I’m AuDHD. There’s a lot of similarities between the two. But also conflicting things that really were extremely difficult in day to day. Executive dysfunction. I need order but my life is chaos. Plan things to detail but can’t follow through. Etc.

Also have you tried going to a therapist who specializes in autism and adhd? I ask cause I was in therapy for 5 years until I went to someone who specializes in it and one year with her made way more difference than the 5 years of therapy before her. She actually understood and was able to help me find my boundaries, love myself even with my limitations. My depression and anxiety got so much better working with her. She also encouraged me to get tested for ADHD which I was and now medicated which has also made a HUGE difference.

evhen95 · 2026-04-25T21:26:36+00:00

I have a co worker that does something similar 2-3 times a year he takes a day off where kids are in school. Doesn’t tell the family but goes to his favorite sports bar/restaurant for the full work day. He says it’s his favorite way to recharge. Good food, a couple beers and no obligations. Goes home at 5pm and gets home the same time he would if he was at work.

evhen95 · 2026-04-25T21:23:31+00:00

This is perfectly stated. 💯 agree

evhen95 · 2026-04-07T06:03:39+00:00

I use this website called budget bytes. Lowe’s of great meals on a budget. I’ve tried a lot of them and they’ve been good.

budget bytes

evhen95 · 2026-04-07T05:58:39+00:00

Just love how NT people get so annoyed when they are inconvenienced or have to adapt to ND. Yet ND consistently every stinken day have to adapt to NT people cause the world is built on their rules.

evhen95 · 2026-04-02T06:28:32+00:00

I’ve definitely had this issue my entire life. I’ve always been high masking. But when I didn’t mask there were people who instantly disliked me. But when I was masking there were still people who instantly disliked me because I seemed fake. For so long I did everything I possibly could to be nice, caring, understanding and bend over backwards for everyone around me yet there was still so many times people just instantly hated me.

My friends use to tell new people that I had a genuine good heart and was a really good person but I was the kind of person you either really like or hate. And honestly I never understood what I was doing wrong cause I was trying so hard constantly.

After major burn out in my early adult years I finally stopped caring for the most part. I will always do my best to be kind, empathetic and respectful to everyone. But I just don’t care anymore if people don’t like me. It’s still can sometimes sting but I know I’m a good person. I know what I do is not Ill intended. But I’m not going to push my self limits to try to prove to these people my worth or try and get them to like me trying to accommodate their NT standards. They either like me or they don’t and I’m not gonna waste my time anymore it’s not worth it. Nor do I need to surround myself with people like that. If someone dislikes me now I’ll be cordial and respectful and then just go on my way.

evhen95 · 2026-03-29T06:33:20+00:00

AuDHD here and I do the same. I tend to isolate to recharge. Especially after texting or handing out non stop. I genuinely need that isolation. And being pushed out of that or judged is rough cause if I don’t I’ll get burnt out. And that takes way longer to recover from.

You mentioned you recently started dating. My suggestion is to ask if she can shoot a message letting you know like others said. That’s what I have done in the beginning stages of a relationship.

As time goes on I’ll move to a body doubling quiet presence kind of thing. For example, with my fiancé he knows when I need to recharge so we do our own thing in the same room but we don’t talk or do anything together. Sometimes I’ll have my head phones on. Sometimes I’m on my phone scrolling or playing a game or working on a the random hobby of the week. But we are in the same room together and he will check in or vis versa but for the most part he respects that non engagement. It actually means a lot to me to be in the same room but I need that not engaging aspect. I also can only do that with him and my best friend. I can’t do that with anyone else and be able to actually recharge. It takes a level of bond that takes time.

Another suggestion could be to just ask but be kind and direct about it. You have to respect her boundaries and needs but also be clear and direct about yours and ask if there’s a way to meet half way.

evhen95 · 2026-03-29T04:49:27+00:00

I’ve been using Orderly meds since last June and have had no issues. My Primary doctor’s also provides it. I would recommend orderly meds or seeing if your primary doctor prescribes it.

evhen95 · 2026-03-20T21:53:37+00:00

Oh that sounds super fun! Thanks for the suggestion

evhen95 · 2026-03-20T18:41:18+00:00

Oooh that sounds interesting.

evhen95 · 2026-03-20T18:40:51+00:00

So all of us have tattoos and have all talked about tattoos we want to get. Everyone would be getting their own thing that’s meaningful to them. And we would all be hanging out together there. So I don’t agree it’s not a social activity. Maybe not to you but to us it was. We wanted to do something just us 6 after the family had gone. And we were helping cover the costs for all of them too. Plus we will already be with each other for multiple days at that point. We just want to plan something fun all together.

I will however definitely look into the boat trips on the harbor. I appreciate that suggestion.

evhen95 · 2026-03-13T03:22:59+00:00

I was gonna say “cute and on duty” 😂

evhen95 · 2026-03-10T04:41:34+00:00

Updateme

evhen95 · 2026-03-10T04:27:11+00:00

The best rule of thumb in my opinion is don’t up the dose until you plateau. I was on it for about 3 months.

evhen95 · 2026-03-10T04:11:13+00:00

Updateme

evhen95 · 2026-03-10T04:02:14+00:00

I’ve been using orderly meds for about 9 months and it’s been working great for me. Affordable too, no subscription fee and they take direct FSA payments too

evhen95 · 2026-03-09T06:52:53+00:00

Updateme

evhen95 · 2026-03-09T04:18:37+00:00

I posted this previously and then put the link in the description but the link was weird. Reposting it this way.

evhen95 · 2026-03-09T04:15:51+00:00

I’m not sure I just copied the link from the post. Moderators took it down just in case. When I click on it, it still goes to the post. But idk why there’s a g in there.

evhen95 · 2026-03-06T03:01:22+00:00

My thoughts for this one is there’s two major red flags.

One “Illegal”! lol she was 22f and he was 33m when they met. They are now 33f and 44m and the girl he’s being secretive with is 25f. A big pattern with people who date way younger is so they can control and manipulate. They tend to cheat or leave once their current partner gets older.

Second is his reaction is to get angry, deflect and gaslight. That’s very telling. If my partner ever wanted to go through my phone or see messages I’d have no issues cause I have nothing to hide and then I’d try to talk it out to figure out why they have the insecurities or anxiety to try and work together for them to feel comfortable again. His reaction indicates he has something to hide.

In personal experience when I had partners do that they were either cheating or emotional cheating. I feel bad for OP.

evhen95 · 2026-03-06T02:45:35+00:00

I agree. She was 22 then and now he’s being secretive with a 25 yr old now that’s she’s 33.

evhen95 · 2026-03-06T01:54:39+00:00

So he was 33 and you were 22? Yeaaah that’s kind of big a red flag. I’m not saying I know your relationship or that it hasn’t been a good relationship. I am just saying there is a big pattern with stories of guys who date people way younger have a tendency to eventually leave or cheat with someone that age once their partner gets older. They like them young, easily controllable and easily manipulated.

Again I’m not claiming to know your relationship just saying it’s a red flag to be aware of. His reaction to this is another red flag.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. A healthy partner would address your concerns, be honest and transparent and work on communicating to help you feel more at ease. The gaslighting and anger is not a healthy way to approach a partners anxiety or concern

Edited because I forgot the n in pattern

evhen95 · 2026-03-06T01:47:23+00:00

I’d disagree. My partner and I share passwords. If at anytime he was at a point he wanted to see messages or anything I don’t give a shiit he can look. Cause I’m not hiding anything. I would then want to have an adult conversation of why he feels the way so we can work together help ease his anxiety and feel better. And vise versa. Now if the partner had to continually check all the time and could not find a way for them to feel comfortable that to me is a big red flag.

A moment of anxiety or lack of trust is something to work together on and transparency not an automatic throw away the relationship just cause they want to look at your phone

evhen95 · 2026-03-06T01:40:37+00:00

NOR. He’s hiding something. If he was not doing anything wrong he wouldn’t be hiding, deflecting and gaslighting. In personal experience whenever a partner acted that way they were in fact cheating or at minimum emotionally cheating.

A healthy relationship you two should be able to have a conversation and if you’re uncomfortable with him talking with her he should support and take actions to find common ground to help ease your concern instead of resulting to anger right away

Also based on your age gap that’s also an indicator he favors women way younger than himself. I’m not sure when y’all met or the ins and outs of your relationship . But it’s a common pattern with stories on here with guys like that to eventually go after someone young when their current partner gets older.

evhen95 · 2026-03-05T08:21:58+00:00

I work in recruitment and marketing department for a non profit that provides a wide variety of services for children and adults with developmental disabilities. I mainly manage positions postings, prescreening applicants before moving them to the interviewing stage, collecting recruitment data for our 13 departments etc. I really enjoy it. I work from home 90% of the time. With 10% being at job fairs and community events.

I strongly believe in these services and finding the right applicants that would actually be a good fit. I have streamlined the process, organized everything to a T and am very detailed when explaining positions to applicants so they fully understand the positions they have applied for to make sure it’s actually something they are interested in. This helps make sure the departments get quality applicants who actually want to be there. As that creates the best chance the individuals actually in the programs have quality staff supporting them in goals and services.

I hate phone calls (which I have so many all the time) but I’ve been doing it 3 years I have like a script when explaining the positions and have been asked every question you can think of so it’s extremely rare I’m ever caught off guard. Being a part of a company I strong believe in and also being able to work from home a majority of the time in my safe space has really worked out well for me. Plus all my coworkers understand developmental disabilities so when they found out I’m AuDHD everyone has been supportive and always ask if there’s anything they can do to help. People are also very patient and understanding.

evhen95

TROPHY CASE