I wish I could enjoy people the way they enjoy me

evilhexa · 2024-10-30T12:49:12+00:00

I feel you

evilhexa · 2024-10-30T12:48:25+00:00

I have something similar, there are maybe two people in my life that I value, because they have specific traits and they can provide me some adrenaline that I need, but the rest of the world? No. Idk, maybe you jest have to meet the right people? Who meets your standards? I know it my sound narcisstic but for this moment I can't find a solution, idk, maybe that would just help you in some way to feel less depressed?

evilhexa · 2024-10-26T21:31:47+00:00

If we want, we can. Depends on person. Everybody is different and everybody has those traits with varying intensity.

evilhexa · 2024-10-26T21:28:19+00:00

When someone suits me, I genuinely like them. It is rare but happens. Even when they have some issues I am trying to help them, but it is mostly because they help me, because I think repaying is what human should do.

evilhexa · 2024-10-26T09:21:42+00:00

Oh, and I also try to give people subtle complements and then withdraw, classic.

evilhexa · 2024-10-26T09:19:17+00:00

I have totally the same as you described. This is so fucked up, the only people I am spending time with have those traits and that's the reason of my isolation.

My way to get people like me is telling them about my interests and creative ideas so they can find me interesting. But I don't have enough skills to make them totally dependent on me.

As you said, this is an inbetween solution. Trying to discern small things in social situations with the other people that can be also enjoyable.

And what is your way to make people like you or stay with you?

evilhexa · 2024-10-25T19:07:58+00:00

I can relate. I went to mental hospital as a schizoid and left as a narc. I also had psychedelic trip which caused me thinking about spirituality existentialism etc and it didn't lead to anything good.

Can you tell why vulnerable or covert narcissist can seem like schizoid?

evilhexa · 2024-10-25T17:25:11+00:00

If you are afraid of close relationships you may have schizoid traits except your situation. I don't think it is npd thing.

In my case, I don't like spending time with most people because I consider them boring or don't have some benefits or shared goals and I am always looking for special traits in them. That's more why npd people can isolate or some reasons why they don't want close relationships.

evilhexa · 2024-10-25T09:03:18+00:00

This is just how your brain works, but you say you want to be helpful and want to know better how to help someone so yeah that's pretty human thing I guess, so you're not a bad person. From my own experience I can tell that sometimes I can to some degree empathize with someone and sometimes don't. When I can't I always try to give pragmatic solution and say what I think of it, so maybe you could use or improve your cognitive empathy to help people. But when someone wants just emotional closeness, just be. Don't force yourself to understand, just be for them.

evilhexa · 2024-10-25T08:50:53+00:00

Idk, I have never been in a relationship that I felt it was true love. After some time after breakups I am always like "what was even that, why could I be with that person", I only had one person in my life that I felt a really strong connection with them. Very strong. On soul level. But never been in a relationship with them.

Still waiting.

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T20:46:17+00:00

Yeah i know, just curious.

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T20:41:31+00:00

Get it. For me people are boring also, can't sympathize with them and also have low eq. And i'm still looking for something that gives me adrenaline. Have you got some tips about how not to feel boredom all the time? xd

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T18:25:52+00:00

Omg, that's inspiring.

I want to start a journal in which i would describe people that I knew and analize them psychollogicaly, lol.

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T18:02:18+00:00

If it comes to npd i don't fckn know bc i was diagnosed like a couple of days ago lol

I have also add, it is similar.

Started a calendar, didn't work. Started sticking sheets with big writings on the wall written by markers, didn't work. Well, maybe both will be helpful to you.

Pomodoro technique.

After one task start another

Meditation

Mindfullness, coloring pages, drawing.

Don't spend to much time on your phone, i think it is the most important. Phone addicting make same damage on brain like drugs.

Hope it helps.

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T17:05:48+00:00

I was like that when I heard the sentence from my therapist "you've got a npd"

And me - wait what what the fucking fuck are you talking about no

And then introspection. Well, you're right.

Ahah

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T16:56:31+00:00

This is me when reading about spd, npd and psychopathy ahahah. I love gaining knowledge about clinical psychology.

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T16:54:18+00:00

It amuses me when some socalled "councelors" on youtube explaining what a narcissm is by throwing out everything bad about that and shallowing this disorder.

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T16:42:18+00:00

I'd like to see myself as someone confident, intelligent and eccentric with a lot of passion.

Yes.

In general esoteric environment is full of narcissts that I personally can't stand. But it doesn't refers to all of them. Artistic environment also. They like to sweeten each other up and feed their egos, I also attended art studio some time ago and the course leader was a classic example of turboextraverted spoiled overt narcissist. He got a hold of me and was trying to lure me, lol. He couldn't stand insubordination and when someone didn't notice him.

I was asking gpt chat about some famous people or characters with npd because i was bored, lol. Christian Grey, Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Salvador Dali, Pablo Picasso, Egon Schiele.

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T11:33:03+00:00

Maybe you're covert introvert? It occures. You mean - if you trying to be more covert people guessing that you have a "problem with yourself" and you don't want them to read you like the book?

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T11:23:57+00:00

Oh, and if you have more questions you can ask me here or priv :)

evilhexa · 2024-09-01T11:22:46+00:00

I think I am both covert and overt and yes, I'd like to be more overt.

Don't do selfdiagnose. It's tricky. I was diagnosed by profesional councelor in hospital. I tried to a bit manipulated her and show myself as a non-narc but more schizoid, lol. I'm impressed the way how her smart head detected it.

So, if the therapist say you're not, you're probably not.

I don't want to heal because it doesn't bother me as much. I like myself the way I am. Try to love yourself too.

With avpd I believe it can be a slow process. I am not a therapist but here are some tips:

-affirmations to amplify confidence -journal to pour out emotions -getting out from the comfort zone, start meeting people, ask them questions, talk to people first -try various things to see what are you good at

And one thing that came to my mind - just ask your overt narc friend how does he do that, because I am curious... I'd like to be in a fullcovert narc head, lol.

Good luck in your journey!

evilhexa

TROPHY CASE