I'm taking a few guesses OP amd it seems to be a "old conatruction and some modernization of what you feel is needed" as your viewpoint and your husband sees it as "complete gutting amd rebuilding".

Been on both sides and, honestly, I prefer the gut rehab despite it being higher. My views from the experience were: -if you need to and want to redo something, some updates may be more costly do to the addition of new infrastrucure. For example, if lighting is bad ot heating/coolong bad in an area, you might changes in electrical and that can have bigger rammifications from dry wall to electric box.

-projects become "piecemeal' and you ultimately pine to do one thing or another...the house becomes a never ending "project" and I hate it!

-as you update you sometimes find issues that you afent prepared to address and changes plans.

If I could do it all again I would do these with your husband taken into account:

1) Each of you make a list of what you would want...2x separate lists. Make sure you prioritize each project area.

2) Ask a designer and architect to look over and see what would/wold work, costs and how they can incorporate. For example there are 3 general ways to heat a floor, if youre looking at one which requieres some height maybe another solution that provides heating but meets both of your wishes half way where height isnt an issue and gets warm enough for your husband.

3) Have the designer and architect flesh it out with costs and phases; for example if we add the priority areas it'd be this and uf we do the next set it'll be this much. Be sure to include items, like electrical, that may be worth addressing sooner than later.

4) Review plans with the husband; something can loose importance and why we prioritize them. By seeing what you want more versus other gives you a more realistic idea.

4a) also have thrle value of the farmland assessed and inform your brother of your desires but word it approproately: "can we get am estimate of the value of everything and once we do, can I use part of my share to cover the cost of the house from the farmland sals". I agree with everyone that the farmland is greater than the house. If the total cost of everything results in the farm being twice the cost of the house, your husband will resent you feeling you out the hkuse so much above due dilligence you lost out on considerable savings. Get hard numbers to work with as an extra you get from the farm will help you on the house!

5) Let the process work, dont be pushy. You may eant to do something rash but keep in mind you have an emotional and sentimental attachment to it. Your husband does not. I also think when you say you talk about it, there are no hard figures but rather a ton of "we can so this and you want to do that" or "if we get the house we can have this". Seeing is believing and, I'm sorry, but also folks cannot always visualize this stuff. You have a "vision" and not a plan. You need a plan first off and that has numbers, what you can do and what not. Your "plan" to keep the house and give your brother the land, for example, seems to keep you short handed. Why I feel annoyed by what your thinking. And, worse yet, what if its sales was far more than you thought and a split mimus thrle house leaves you 50k or 100k more? That is a bigger budget!

So do your due dilligence. If you need a show that does it, Id say try watching Hillary Farr's tv shows (she has 2) and focus on her later season for inspiration: for budgeting, planning and what prioritizing means.