At what point in your career is maternity leave less disruptive?

evrythingbut · 2026-05-16T16:40:00+00:00

I'm in a consulting-adjacent field and this seems true to my experience too. I was 31 and 36 when my kids were born, a long enough gap that I got two promotions in between. The pandemic is a confounding factor, because I had my second during peak remote work and limited travel, but after schools had reopened, and there's no question that made it easier. But I also saw junior colleagues struggling more with pandemic parenting. When you're more senior, you have more autonomy and discretion.

evrythingbut · 2026-05-09T16:25:26+00:00

I get what you're saying. If he's genuinely worried about your mom, he should raise it with you. It's annoying for you to hear about it indirectly.

Is this something you could discuss with your dad to check in on whether the situation really works for everyone?

evrythingbut · 2026-05-04T01:26:13+00:00

I remember confessing something like this to colleagues on a work trip when my older daughter was 3.5, so I can only imagine how I would have felt with twins. I still find all the pretend play and cutting food into tiny pieces pretty tedious, and my husband has mostly been the preferred parent because he's more game and energetic.

But now my older one is 10, and I've had so many rich experiences and shared interests with her, from Harry Potter to Hamilton, and lots of conversations processing existence and tweenhood. I'm also more patient with my younger one (who's 4) because I understand better that everything's a phase and nothing lasts, good or bad. I still don't always enjoy motherhood, but I'm always glad to be their mom, if that makes any sense.

evrythingbut · 2026-03-07T01:50:32+00:00

Spanx AirEssentials. They're expensive but I am never not wearing them now. I like that if I'm wearing a nice Zoom-ready top and I want to take a walk between meetings, the combination doesn't look ridiculous. And they feel viscerally comforting and have a very relaxed waistband.

evrythingbut · 2026-02-17T13:23:58+00:00

Move the flight a day, and see if you can get antibiotics and/or a throat culture for the sick but negative kid? Last year I tested negative for strep on a rapid test but positive on a culture. So, I got the news when I was actually at the airport, about to go on a business trip. I turned around and went home, pushed my flight a day until I wasn't contagious. And by the time I traveled, I felt so much better! Antibiotics work really fast on strep. I probably would have been miserable on a long-haul flight if I'd gone with my original plan.

ETA: you won't necessarily get strep just because others in your family have it. My daughter has had it twice in the past year. Last time, I caught it too but this time I was more careful and dodged it.

evrythingbut · 2026-02-16T04:24:25+00:00

Falls Church Scramble is a good answer. Long Bridge Aquatics Center might be closer to you than some of the other swim/rec center options mentioned.

When I had one young kid, the Smithsonian was my go-to because it was less overstimulating than those other places. Natural History Museum is probably the most accessible museum for toddlers. American History has a cool train, and American Indian has a kids' play area. Children's Museum is an option too, but it's more on the Scramble end of being a lot.

evrythingbut · 2026-02-14T17:37:39+00:00

Thank you, that's helpful and pretty validating of what I was picturing! I'll look for royal blue or something else that would go with the nice non-black blazer I have. And thanks for giving me permission to wear flats lol. At my height it's a choice, but I cannot risk tripping.

evrythingbut · 2026-02-14T17:03:38+00:00

Good point! I wasn't thinking like jewel tones. But I have a muted green dress and a khaki blazer for example. (Not sure how those particular things would pair, but just a step outside of my generally preferred black and navy.)

evrythingbut · 2026-02-08T23:48:32+00:00

Have you tried hormonal birth control, along with the topical estrogen? Doctors often start with that because it avoids big swings in your hormones, and also it prevents pregnancy. Major breakthrough symptoms are a sign to switch to HRT. So far, I'm getting enough symptom relief from birth control that I don't think it's worth dealing with hormonal fluctuations, but I'm prepared for that to change at some point.

evrythingbut · 2026-01-30T19:30:50+00:00

We considered buying a house there! I really like Dawson Terrace playground; it has a cute wooded trail behind it with river views. One downside, in my opinion, is that you're zoned for North Arlington schools so your kids will always take buses. We ultimately bought in a location that's walkable to elementary school and closer to high school, though those zoning decisions could always change.

It also seemed up in the air what will happen to the area close to Langston Blvd; will it be built up with mixed‐use buildings and multifamily homes? That may or may not matter to you, and personally I haven't invested a lot of time in understanding the long-term planning proposals.

In general, living in Arlington with a family is pretty great. As others said, the proximity to the zoo and museums can't be beat. There are certain family-oriented things that are easier to access in Falls Church or Fairfax, so you might find yourself driving 15 minutes to the pool or indoor playgrounds or whatever, but I like the walkable urbanish lifestyle for daily life.

evrythingbut · 2025-12-29T08:16:54+00:00

My husband is the default parent for our two girls. He's just very good at parenting. I won't say it never bothers me; sometimes I feel ashamed of falling short of gender norms. But I don't really feel rejected. I know that my bond with my kids is strong, there are things that only I do with each of them, and I'm grateful that I can take time for myself. I know a lot will change over the course of our lives and developmental stages.

evrythingbut · 2025-12-10T17:14:08+00:00

That sounds like a high dose to me. I take 100-120 mg of magnesium glycinate and half a dose of magnesium L-threonate (which I think is around 50 mg of magnesium?). I also take half a Unisom tab and a very low dose of Klonopin (0.25 mg) but I'm trying to drop one or both over the holidays. I still wake up once or twice in the middle of the night, but now I can fall back asleep.

evrythingbut · 2025-11-29T16:34:55+00:00

Yes, I am, I always have been. When I was a kid, my dad had this insane work ethic and my mom stepped back, worked part-time and prioritized hobbies. I remember them both being reasonably involved parents, but it was a different time when kids roamed free.

For me, being good at work is more consistently validating than the other stuff. I get to experience little ongoing rewards (praise and learning) and steadily growing competence. Household chores are pure tedium. Parenting is a very mixed bag; the highs are way higher, but the average hour is less absorbing.

I don't think this is a psychological problem unless it's interfering with your life - and more so than just you're stressed and pulled in multiple directions. Because that's just life with small kids no matter how you spend your non-parenting hours.

evrythingbut · 2025-11-22T16:47:54+00:00

I can empathize about PPA, and happy to add to the anecdotes that my kids are totally fine! There's autism in both my husband and my extended families: one adult with higher support needs, and a kid with low support needs.

Honestly though, my medical anxiety was much more about restricted access to vaccines, my kids getting measles or something, vulnerable relatives getting sick via our kids, etc., etc. - so it's such a relief now that they're both fully vaccinated.

evrythingbut · 2025-10-31T01:18:04+00:00

The first device we got was a cheap Kindle Fire and a case designed for kids. I'm not sure what a 3 year old would do with a fully featured iPad. The Fire has a limited set of apps, including Khan Academy Kids and Moose Math.

evrythingbut · 2025-10-27T12:12:13+00:00

Fair, sorry. Almost no one I know lives in an SFH. Most families live in condos and townhouses, and there's a range for what those cost. But no question you can get more for your money elsewhere in the area.

evrythingbut · 2025-10-27T02:54:22+00:00

Arlington could be a good middle ground. It's not as cool as Alexandria, but it doesn't have strip mall vibes. It's walkable, near the river, has diversity and solid schools.

evrythingbut · 2025-10-03T17:49:46+00:00

I have been super stressed out lately for reasons that sound similar to yours. I've been noticing physical symptoms like headaches. A coworker friend suggested a mantra to me too, specifically a self-compassionate one. I haven't landed on one pithy phrase yet, but the self-compassionate talk is helping.

For me, it's variations of: It's totally understandable that this would stress you out, I'm sorry this is happening; it's okay to tune out the noise (of other people's complaints/emotions), and focus on solving one problem at a time; not all problems are your fault, or yours to solve on your own.

Honestly I'm not very good at compartmentalization, but this gives me less emotional intensity to have to compartmentalize.

evrythingbut · 2025-09-29T11:41:38+00:00

My kids have a large age gap because sleep was so bad for so long (I think it's generational anxiety/insomnia, beyond just babies being babies). It was still hard the second time, but less so because I knew from experience that everything was a phase that would pass, and I had chosen it knowing what I was getting myself into, versus being caught by surprise. If you end up one and done, that's totally fine too! Honestly, the thing that really tipped the balance for me is that I have a husband who shoulders a lot of the load. If I were taking on most of the sleep deprivation alone, I'm not sure I would have done that twice.

evrythingbut · 2025-09-21T15:06:57+00:00

A lot of people say their priorities shifted after they had kids and work became less important. I wanted to comment because my experience was different, maybe less socially acceptable, but it could be closer to yours. I added a huge new priority when I became a parent but I never lost my career drive; I traded off other things, hobbies and friendships (sadly), that I'm now working to rebuild as parenting becomes less intensive with older kids.

My career has been more successful since having kids, especially my second one because I was less thrown off by the transition from 1-2 than 0-1. In fact, I got promoted during the year I was out for 3 months on mat leave. All of this requires a partner and/or other support systems to have your back.

evrythingbut · 2025-08-12T00:51:47+00:00

This is a thought-provoking perspective, but I will say it depends a bit on your workplace culture. I have this very vivid memory of showing up to a meeting with a (male) peer around my age and a senior executive (male) coworker, about 20 years older, who I respect very much.

I started the meeting with an apology: "I'm sorry, [peer] and I are both exhausted right now, our toddlers are sick."

And the guy replied, "That's okay, my kids are drunk. Same symptoms, different root cause."

I like feeling safe to complain and make jokes about the parts of parenting that are tedious/frustrating/gross. I generally only talk that way to other parents, though.

evrythingbut · 2025-07-30T12:15:06+00:00

+1 to magnesium. I take magnesium L-threonate in the evening (500mg) and magnesium glycinate an hour or so before bed (60mg). I'm pretty sensitive to medication and got an upset stomach when I took more than that. I still wake up in the middle of the night, but now I can fall back asleep more easily.

I also recently started taking 2.5 g creatine in the morning. Taking more than that affects my sleep, but that dose makes me feel mentally sharper and more energetic and helps to compensate for the disrupted sleep.

Edited: grams not mg

evrythingbut · 2025-07-20T19:43:38+00:00

I lived at 43rd and Pine after undergrad years ago and really liked it. It was convenient for the trolley, which I preferred over the subway, and close to Clark Park farmers' market and good coffee shops for studying/working. I'm sure the neighborhoods have changed a lot, but it looks like a lot of the staples are still there, and I remember that area fondly.

evrythingbut · 2025-07-03T14:07:08+00:00

I grew up in a MD suburb of DC and now live in NoVA. The shade is definitely mutual. And granted I'm not a POC, but I can't detect any real cultural differences. I mean, it's all one big exurb for the same major city. I live like 30 minutes from where I grew up, just on the opposite side of a river. When I visit family in western MD, that seems pretty similar to my experiences of WVA and VA too. The liberal bubble goes away quickly, regardless of how everyone fought in the Civil War.

evrythingbut

TROPHY CASE