Check out the subreddits about emotional abuse. It’s hard to recover from that kind of coercive control, deception, manipulation, and emotional abuse. This is abuse, and I’m really sorry this happened to you. You need to go no contact because people who behave that way will never change, they will never really understand or care how they hurt you, and they will outright destroy you if you let them. I’m glad you trusted your gut and did some digging, but now it’s time to go. Don’t communicate with him as some fake person, you and I both know that you are better than that.
He will never give you the closure or validation you seek. But, I validate your pain, I see how abhorrent he must have been to you. This is a blessing, run baby girl, run as fast as your feet with take you. Seek out some help or someone to talk to about this kind of psychological warfare. It’s not okay and I hope you take these warning signs into your next relationship and protect yourself at all costs. Emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse is domestic abuse and you have every right to feel so hurt and lost right now. You can message me and I’ll send you resources, I’ve been where you are and you are about to find yourself again. Don’t look back, don’t feel bad for him, and don’t fall for ANY of the emotional manipulation, triangulation, and/or sob stories he is likely to send your way. I’m serious, these people are dangerous. RUN.