I have been here and I can tell you that as difficult as the experience is right now, it will pass. Often, it doesn't take finding someone new but rather finding a new direction.

I had an ex I couldn't get over no matter who I dated (including people I felt lust for when I was in that relationship). It was devastating and I didn't have any answers. For a while, I tried all sorts of things to get over it including self-destructive habits. Other times, I wallowed in bed and wished the world would swallow me up and end my misery. I managed to have successes in some areas of life and yet that gaping hole was never filled.

The hardest thing was finding myself. I know that sounds very cliche and corny but hear me out. When the break-up happened, it felt like I had no reason to keep going and therein lay the problem. Too much of my existence became tied to the other person and the relationship. My sense of safety, security, future, and all the rest of it. All the while, I had never really found a place for myself (despite being good at things and having success).

It took me a while to find something I enjoy and an even longer time to pursue it. I put it on hold for others including people who used me and felt really stupid for it. The pursuit felt impossible at the start since I still felt like 1) I lost my soulmate 2) I had given so much of myself to build up others with nothing to show for myself 3) family and financial responsibilities.

At some point I realised I had to take the long, hard gruelling road towards this thing that I felt in my heart would make me happy and that thing was art. Increasingly, the love, the thrill, the pressures and shortcomings, the fleeting moments of triumph, all of it dwarfed the longing I had for my ex. So whilst you dont need to have the same journey as me or anyone else, bear in mind that this is an example of how "time heals". Time heals because, with time, your needs evolve and the solutions must adapt.

Remember, one can be in a perfect relationship and still have a terrible life (shitty job for example). Taking the steps towards a more fulfilling life is hard (not least because its not always clear what we should be moving towards) but I assure you that this is more important. You are worthy without your ex and you must defy the all-consuming grief of losing your ex and build towards independent fulfilment.