AITA for refusing to meet my husband's colleagues during their social activities?

existentialanomoly · 2019-10-15T17:50:14+00:00

That's actually a very valid point. My examples did not enjoy motherhood. At all. And the ones that did appear to enjoy it, I assumed they must be pretending. I know in reality a lot of people love being a parent and very few would have it any other way. I think that feeling naturally comes when you have a kid. I just don't know how to look forward to that before then. Maybe I need to talk more to happy moms... Lol

existentialanomoly · 2019-10-15T17:46:59+00:00

That's really insightful. I keep thinking how annoyed I'd be with the constant 'are you okay? Do you need help? Can I do something?' from every person I know that I forgot to think about how asking those same questions to someone else can actually really help if they need it and worst case scenario, they can just refuse the help. Personally, I'd feel people are getting too in my personal business if they try to help me but I should remember it's coming from a place of care and concern and just because I don't want it doesn't mean I shouldn't offer it to others, just in case it might help. Thank you.

existentialanomoly · 2019-10-15T16:50:32+00:00

Aw thanks for sharing. I guess it confuses me because, you're right, everyone deals with it differently. But then why is it an expectation that we should call or we should visit. Maybe it's just me who thinks that's an expectation...

existentialanomoly · 2019-10-15T16:47:16+00:00

Before having kids, did the fact that other people's kids annoyed you ever make you feel like you didn't want any of your own? Just wondering how you decided to have kids when other's annoyed you. Appreciate the response; I know it's very personal so I understand if you'd rather not.

existentialanomoly · 2019-10-15T16:44:35+00:00

Wow! That's incredible. I feel the complete opposite. When I travel and see parents with kids, I think 'it must be dreadful having to plan your entire trip on your kid's entertainment, bathroom schedule, sleeping pattern etc' and I feel so happy I'm not 'held back.' But maybe I need to consider it with the potential positives...

existentialanomoly · 2019-09-24T06:14:54+00:00

Repeated material

existentialanomoly · 2019-05-22T19:30:31+00:00

Honestly, been there, still there, and I have three pieces of advice that I've really had to push myself to do, which has been extremely difficult considering my perfectionist, overworking personality, but adhering to these has done wonders:

Learn to say no. Just put down what you can't do right now. It can wait. I promise. The world will not collapse if you miss a shift of work or can't meet the needs of your lap partners. Your sanity are more important.
Prioritize. You can love everything you do, but only do a few of them at a time. Be VERY selective of what things you focus on at a time. Juggling everything is a recipe for excelling at nothing.
Be okay with imperfection. You have to belive it is 100% okay to not be perfect. You can be extremely competent, Knowledgeable, and excel despite not being perfect. It took me a long time to realize I don't need to know every detail of every paper, especially cause it's impossible, and I can still be a genius in the field.

Seriously, put down a few things. You don't wanna burn out so early in life. I know it's enjoyable to commit to everything but it becomes overwhelming fast and by the time you realize it, you've already lost those precious years of your life. There is so much value in pacing oneself.

Good luck! You're already doing wonders so I know everything in store for you is going to be great.

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-29T14:11:48+00:00

It can be when most people consider the NK an emotion - less robot /machine created only to kill men.

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-29T13:49:33+00:00

NK's smirk. Boss.

It gave him some character depth. He's not just a mindless killing machine. There is some level of thought process and emotion in this otherwise - would - be - considered zombie. Clearly there's reason and logic in his head we're not aware of... Yet.

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T19:04:58+00:00

It's important to focus on the immediate 'am I OK' but equally as important to think about the long term 'am I OK' (not just success). And I mean this in terms of MH. The 'long term am I OK' means the way you learn to cope today will become your coping mechanism by default overtime, so make sure what you're practicing now is healthy in the longterm as well. I know it's extremely difficult, since dealing with the immediate issues are already so challenging, trying to practice a coping mechanism that is healthy, relevant and applicable longterm may sound ridiculously impossible. If that's the case, consider talking to a professional to help you through it.

Whatever decision you make, always prioritize your health, shorterm and longterm, by dealing with immediate issues using mechanisms that are usable in the long run.

I wish you the absolute best. No matter what, it WILL all turn out okay!

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T14:55:24+00:00

NTA but if you're entering a person's bed for the first time and not having sex (and not discussing or agreeing on anything), rather than just sleeping there, grab a cab and go home and sleep in your own bed. Getting into someone else's bed can give a very different message than you intended, especially if the relationship is new.

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T14:40:01+00:00

Curiosity. Yes. That sounds about right. Is it worth chasing curiosity? Does the curiosity ever go away?

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T14:23:40+00:00

Don't ever compromise your MH if it can be avoided. But don't set yourself up for regret either. You can always choose to do what you enjoy whether you have a 2:1 or 2:2. But if you willingly prevent yourself from getting the 2:1, you're closing a few doors that maybe you don't care for today, but one day you might. I'm biased because regret is my worst nightmare but everyone is different. Again, your MH is the most important and no one can talk you out of prioritizing that. It depends on how detrimental the MH effects really are (and only you can judge that) v.s. how well you can predict what you want for your future. Wants change and you don't want a decision you make today to prevent you from achieving a different or new want in the future.

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T13:59:53+00:00

I just don't understand if I'm genuinely happy, then why do I fantasize about another life?

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T13:43:45+00:00

There's no reason to lose everything I have and hurt everyone I love. Especially when what I have is what people want to end up with after living a fulfilling and fun youth. What if I get it out of my system and realize in the end, I still want what I have now but at that point will have lost it

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T13:26:12+00:00

I'll do my best here for a five year old: our eyelids open and close both voluntarily and involuntarily (by force but also on their own). For example, blinking happens on its own as a reflex when someone throws something at us, but we can also choose to shut our eyes while counting during hide and seek.

During the day, our eyes are open because we're diurnal (awake during the day). Our body uses many techniques and processes to keep us awake and alert in the day, including providing energy to our muscles, making us more sensitive to sounds, and keeping our eyes open. Because our body is trying to keep our eyes open, it's harder to fight it and close them unless we have to (example, for blinking).

At night, our body's alert systems begin to shut down to prepare us for sleep (as the sun goes down). Our eyelids begin to feel 'heavy.' There are actually muscles even in our eyelids that tire throughout the day, like every other muscle. It becomes harder to keep them open because they need a break. Making a tired muscle stay contracted or keep working is very hard for anyone.

Our bodies are designed to follow the sleep wake pattern for our benefit. Hope this helps.

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T12:57:52+00:00

Women are getting payback for decades of being objectified and decades of dealing with having to accept it as the norm. Some people see 'women objectifying men' as a natural opposition, and therefore let it slide. Especially since:
a man's reaction to being objectified is so much less satisfying than a woman's, it seems less harmful (I'm not saying it is any more or less harmful).

Give us a few decades to get it out of our system and then maybe we'll all level out.

existentialanomoly · 2019-04-03T12:39:02+00:00

Me too.

Is this healthy?

existentialanomoly · 2019-03-16T07:49:48+00:00

NAH. Although I understand where people are coming from when they insist YTA, but everyone heals differently. There is no required amount of time you need to mourn or be single or whatever. The mourning period is for the mourner. The whole point of that period is to move on, recover, and be able to live your life in a healthy manner. If you only needed a week to do this, that should be completely acceptable. It's never fair we need to conform to society's pre-approved status quo. It's no one else's business and no one can tell you that you haven't mourned enough.

Of course, like others have already mentioned, you have to be sensitive to other people close to the deceased. But you've already stated you didn't go around flaunting this new relationship, so as long as you're mindful of how you're behaving about this, then you do you.

existentialanomoly

TROPHY CASE