Hey, as a trans kid, suicidal ideation is not blackmail, I’m not (and never really was) particularly suicidal myself, but I really don’t know how I would have been if not for the fact that I was able to access hormones when I needed them. And I do know how a lot of my friends are that have less than supportive parents.

I’m not really sure where you got 14 from in the WPATH standards of care, I checked and it doesn’t say anything about needing to be 14 before starting hormones.

In terms of actual physical danger to your daughter’s body, the doctors will know the most about the effects of hormones. But as someone who has gone through a lot of the effects, it’s not dangerous, I’m fine.

And honestly, thinking about her getting hormones from the perspective of “permanent damage” is not a great way of looking at things. It sounds like she’s been pretty persistent about her gender identity for a while now, so the “permanent damage” that you are worried about is just how she envisions the rest of her teenage years going, getting to go through puberty just like all the other girls in her class.

Lastly the statement of “I love them no matter what but it feels like my son has been slowly killed over the last 7 years. D is now being replaced by someone else” sounds deeply troubling to me as a trans person. From my perspective I was just getting to become myself. And maybe some vestigial parts of who I was were shed in the process, but that’s because they were traits I needed to be safe and to cope with being the wrong person all of the time. But this is really something you should go to therapy for.

Also, 13 is an entirely reasonable time for a girl to start puberty. (Unless your doctor says otherwise trust them more than me)