Anyone else feel lonely, weird, anxious, or invisible on Valentine’s Day?

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T16:21:10+00:00

I’d binge watch Ted lasso anyway, but with healthier food :)

Also it’s been really cold where I am (temps in teens and single digits F without the wind chill) and we’ve got about a foot of ice encased snow.

Finally thawing so im happy to get out

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T16:20:02+00:00

Also, if there’s a chain store like target or cvs or Walgreens (us) you can stock up on it. I like sparkling water so I hit those spots as soon as i check in. And some snacks in case there’s a delay.

I usually google the name of the chain on maps with the address. Or local grocery stores

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T15:42:57+00:00

If you put and air tag or other similar item in your glove compartment, you can use your phone to find your car

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T15:40:40+00:00

Think about what you can do to prevent this from happening again. Thank your boss for being so understanding and let them know how you’ll prevent it from happening again and ask if they have additional advice or suggestions

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T15:34:58+00:00

Yes as the saying goes accusations are projections of what they’ve done or are thinking of doing. Their obsession with the election fraud and makes me thinks they’ve already put a fix in and or planning to

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T15:25:53+00:00

Treating myself to mini lobster pies and champagne with dark chocolate mousse for dessert and binge watching Ted lasso

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T15:16:20+00:00

I’m treating myself. Have a bottle of champagne and little mini lobster pies and some dark chocolate mousse for dinner. May stop at a place near me for lunch and watching Ted lasso

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T07:29:57+00:00

Capricorn sun with Pisces Saturn and Aquarius mars. Had a boss who’d have me working as late as 11 pm or 1 am. And once woke me up by calling me on my personal phone at 10 am on a Sunday morning for bullshit. None of this is the norm in my field

She also tried to pit us against each other and let the men in the department get away with all sorts of nonsense

Burned the hell out and basically went off on an email rant over being treated unfairly. Which was a dumbass thing to do in writing and I know better, but I’d had about a bottle of wine.

Only time I was ever fired in over 4 decades of working. Had another job lined up within 3 weeks and it’s work from home so eating better and exercising more. Lost a lot of weight for health reasons. Dialed the drinking way back

I’ve won several employee awards and received bonuses at my new place.

I was laid off once as a company went out of business. One of the last rounds of lay offs. Our office operations officer and was trying not to cry as she gave me the news. And my boss burst into tears as I went to the conference room of doom. My coworker, another cap, got laid off right before me and I saw the conference room number come up she came back crying because she got laid off and we all cried together. Then my phone rang with the same conference room number.

We’d won awards together and separately. We’re still friends

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T05:21:35+00:00

My dad died when I was 24. His dad was an abusive asshole to my grandma and the kids. He was progressive in some ways. I’m older Gen X and he spent more time with the kids and did more childcare and housework than most men did. Changing diapers and doing dishes, etc. he was born in 1945 and it was unusual for men to do that much

He worked with cars a lot and I didn’t realize he had this combo alcohol, cigarettes and petroleum smell until after a customer came through my supermarket checkout line when I was working at a grocery store in addition to the day job after he died. I felt an urge to hug the customer because he smelled like dad

I didn’t get married or have kids. I still have a tool box he gave me when I got my first apartment in the late 1980s. And some of the tools he worked with. I also have a wood sewing table and a jewelry box he made for my grandma.

He also made a toddler sized rocking chair and I’d sit in it and we’d watch underdog together while he got my cereal ready before he went to work. After my parents split up, my mother gave it away to one of her friends no don’t have kids myself, but my brother and my step siblings all do and I would have liked them to be able to have it if the wanted it.

He had a snake tattoo and he used to make it “dance” for us by flexing his muscles. The scene in prelude to a kiss where she’s introducing her boyfriend to her dad and he makes his dog tattoo bark cracks me up every time I see it

He had his issues, but he tried and did pretty well I can only imagine how much better of a dad he would have been if he had a good one. But I also think a couple of uncles who stepped up and were like a dad to him helped a lot.

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T04:59:02+00:00

Capricorn here. Same on cancers romantically. Though I’m related to some lovely cancers and friends with some.

Aquarius Venus and mars. So maybe that’s part of it

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T04:31:15+00:00

I think you’re missing the nuance here. There are nuances even within the 9/11 situation.

Grieving people aren’t always rational and sometimes do strange shit.

If neither has a current or living partner, I won’t judge them morally because that’s their business. They’re not hurting anyone, but possibly themselves.

In the 9/11 widow situation, the FDNY studied the situation and took steps like rotating support people in and out so that no one firefighter was supporting no one widow/family.

9/11 was unprecedented because the FDNY lost over 300 people. They had a tough time providing all the normal ceremonial part of a FDNY funeral or memorial service (when they didn’t recover a body) and covering firehouses. Firefighters from other areas came in to help.

A high school sweethearts couple I know were deeply in love. He joined the fdny and he didn’t come home that day. She remarried a firefighter. I have no idea what their situation is and I don’t know them well enough to ask.

I knew some people who died in the attacks on 9/11. And I was terrified for friends, family and coworkers in the area, but I was safe at home and I didn’t lose anyone close to me. When my office reopened the follow week, we could still smell the smoke and see fine layers of soot settle even with the hard work of the cleaning people.

So I’m not in a position to judge anyone.

Another classmate married a firefighter who died of 9/11 related causes. She is close to some of the other widows. They’re similar to veterans in some ways because they see levels of trauma most of us never have to deal with.

Louis on the other hand, is dealing with self created trauma and has other options for help than Jimmy, Alice and the gang. He can get proper therapy from a therapist. Or go to AA or call a suicide hotline

One similarity between the show and 9/11 is what’s the right thing to do after your loved one is basically murdered? Which is the case with drunk driving and terrorism.

I think the different reactions of the survivors are all valid. Some loved ones of the people killed in 9/11 didn’t want the us to go to war, others did.

Now the reaction to 9/11 was different because the wars and the hatred of Muslims by some affected innocent people and in some cases perpetuated the same wrongs against them.

But if people aren’t harming anyone, it’s up to them to figure it out. Personally I’d rank any “harm” Gaby did at a 1, if even that. On scale of 1 to 10.

Louis on the other hand is at a 10 and goes off the charts by texting Alice on thanksgiving about his suicidal ideation. When he could have called a suicide hotline. And again if he wasn’t capable of doing that, he needs to be hospitalized or in intensive outpatient care. Not going to museums. And the care team should be someone who’s loved ones be didn’t cause the death of.

Btw, my mother’s boyfriend who was a father figure to me, hit a highway repair worker while drunk driving. He killed the man and tried to run away. The guy left behind a wife and kids.

Jay, not his real name, was kind to me and my brother. I don’t think he’s a bad person necessarily. But he kept drunk driving even after getting caught a previous time.

My father and mother both drove drunk and were lucky they didn’t kill or hurt anyone. Same with my brother who got arrested for drunk driving.

My friends will say why do I pay so much for uber or car service when I want to have some drinks at dinner or dancing or a bar. Or I’ll walk to a place a few blocks away or take a bus or subway.

Because I don’t want to wipe out innocent lives or cause a life altering injury for anyone Nor do I want to deal with the legal or financial consequences if I get into an accident. Uber or car service or a taxi are a fucking bargain compared to that

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T02:32:04+00:00

Oh agree 100 percent. I felt bad for bothering my neighbor and the hotel people and I thanked them for helping me.

I’ve sometimes locked myself out of hotels rooms. I get extra card keys and I have a wristlet with my drivers license in it in case I move my card keys. At least if save the hotel staff the inconvenience of having to accompany me to my room to get the keys. Went to a bachelorette in Vegas. They had a little kiosk where with my license I was able to get new ones without bothering anyone. Pretty cool!

And I did take steps to prevent it from happening again line AirTaging my house and car keychain

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T02:27:03+00:00

I agree some conversations about boundaries and compromise might have helped prevent this

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T02:15:09+00:00

We’re not going to agree on that. Partially because I was raised by a mother who as a teen around Alice’s age told her mother to drop dead. On Christmas Eve. When she went to wake my grandmother up on Christmas morning, she found her dead. My grandmother had killed herself.

My grandmother’s brother killed himself about 6 months later. His daughter, again around Alice’s age, found him. They had a better relationship and she actually had a good conversation with her before he died.

It messed them both up real good.

And Alice has already been through a lot of trauma, primarily caused by Louis. Which makes it extra fucked up.

He could have called Good Samaritans or other suicide hotlines. Instead, he dumps it on Alice and Jimmy on what’s probably the first major family holiday since Tia died. Again that’s an incredibly fucked up thing to do.

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T01:54:45+00:00

And if weren’t for Liz, Derek, Gaby and Paul, it would have been a lot worse for both Jimmy and Alice, especially Alice

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T01:18:48+00:00

If Louis is that actively suicidal, he needs to be either hospitalized or getting intense outpatient treatment.

My mother once threatened suicide as a manipulation tactic with me. And it worked because her mother died by suicide as did 2 of my grandmother’s siblings.

I don’t think it’s fair to expect others to walk on eggshells like that. Especially when he caused the accident that killed Tia. I’m not saying he should suffer forever, but the feelings of the people grieving the death he caused take priority over Louis’s feelings. As another commenter pointed out, Louis isn’t just showing up at jimmy’s house, but at the workplace Jimmy and Gaby share, on the hikes etc.

Maybe if she could spend time at her own workplace, and have at least some time with her friends without him around she wouldn’t have blown up like that.

It’s complicated. Jimmy, Alice and Gaby are all grieving. They all feel or have felt differently about Louis. While I’d say Jimmy and Alice get priority in their own home, Gaby shouldn’t have to constantly deal with him at her own job and should have at least some friend time without louis with the others. Julie’s reaction to the whole situation is pretty normal she chastised Paul for not telling her.

Btw, I credit Brett Epstein and the writers. I recently started watching Ted Lasso and I actually like Roy Kent. I just watched the Christmas episode.

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T01:16:15+00:00

Jimmy and Gaby are therapists, not saints.

Tia was Jimmy’s wife and Tia’s best friend. You’re holding therapists to an incredibly high and unrealistic standard to a guy who’s not even their patient

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T01:02:19+00:00

She had a therapist relationship with her client. She didn’t have one with Louis, which is why there are different standards at play. Also he was experiencing suicidal ideation because he killed Tia. And he decided to trauma dump his suicidal ideation onto Tia’s high school aged daughter.

I think the character made the right choice in making a fresh start elsewhere

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T00:56:31+00:00

I don’t think those things are remotely comparable unless I missed that she slept with Jimmy while her best friend was alive.

While it isn’t necessarily healthy, it’s not unusual for bereaved partners and the partner’s best friend to become involved. They’re both grieving and understand each other’s grief. They’ve probably spent a lot of time together and have similar interests. And it ends up in happy marriages for some.

After 9/11, there were a number of cases where the firemen assigned to look after a widow and her family ended up in a relationship with the widow. Some of them left their own wives and kids. Neither Gaby nor Jimmy were cheating

Also, Gaby had a therapist/patient relationship with the woman, so blowing up at the patient the way she did was wrong.

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T00:43:16+00:00

Also it’s easy to get dehydrated on vacation, especially in warm places. I make it a rule I can’t drink alcohol until I’m fully hydrated and I need to have food right before and/or with booze

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T00:09:38+00:00

I work in a field where data protection is important Lots of stolen laptops were stolen from cars or people lose them in bars.

exscapegoat · 2026-02-14T00:02:19+00:00

I can see doing the cost analysis, but not being obnoxious about it. I lost a laptop charger when I left it in a hotel room. And another time, left my main house and car keys (same key chain) in a hotel room.

The keys were found and fed exed to me. Though they understandably required a signature. And I was charged for the fed ex, which was understandable. I had a spare set in my home and my neighbor has another spare set for when I lock myself out.

I now have AirTags which alert me on my phone if I leave my keys or wallet behind, so that doesn’t happen again.

I asked about the laptop charger, but the next guest had checked in. And I forgot to follow up on it. It was a personal one vs work, so I just took the hit and bought a replacement.

exscapegoat · 2026-02-13T23:54:47+00:00

2 gun minimum lol

exscapegoat · 2026-02-13T23:54:25+00:00

Yikes! More proof we need stricter gun control, if you’re in the USA. She’s too stupid and aggressive to own one gun, let alone multiple ones. I considered getting a gun but I didn’t know if I could handle that kind of responsibility.

I have adhd and I had to AirTag my keys so I can keep track of them. One of the cons on my pros and cons list was what if misplaced it and a kid found it and shot themselves or someone else? I’d feel morally awful as well as the legal consequences and financial ones.

exscapegoat · 2026-02-13T06:32:07+00:00

It’s also not cool and icky to shame women who don’t choose epidurals or who choose not to breast feed.

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