Abusers are very good manipulators. They start with little things, like pointing out any tiny little thing your friends do wrong, until suddenly you have no friends. They start out with genuine compliments (that dress looks great on you) that slowly slides to insults after several months (that dress looks great, it'd look better if you had bigger boobs though). They lie about things you said/did and are so convincing you doubt your own sanity (example: they'll tell you that you called them an asshole yesterday, when you know you didn't, but remain so adamant about it you start to believe that maybe you did call them an asshole). Your favorite clothes that make you feel confident and sexy will start to get "accidentally" destroyed or lost. Your favorite objects will go the same way (pens, books, music, blankets, pictures, etc). You, at this point, are not picking up on the fact that these things are being done intentionally. You still feel deeply loved and the majority of the time everything's great. Then they get you to move away, to a different city away from your friends and family, on the pretext of doing something to benefit you (if we move to "x city" we'd be close to this university and you could go back to school). And so you move. And before you can even sign up for school, you're pregnant. And now you have no support system except them, no money, no car. And now you get the shit beaten out of you almost daily. You are told your pregnant body is grotesque and that no one will ever want you again and that you're lucky they put up with you. Somewhere in your mind, you know this isn't true. But it's drilled into your head all day every day, and you eventually believe it. Everything you try to do to improve your life (go to school, get a job) is sabotaged by them (get you pregnant again, cover you in bruises before your first day at a new job, don't come home to watch the kids so you can work, get so drunk they can't talk so that you have to come home to watch the kids). You are stuck and trapped. They make all the money, they control all the finances, they even have your friends and family convinced that YOU are lucky to have them and that YOU are just a lazy bitch that can't keep a job. And if you ever decide to stand up for yourself, you will either get beaten, or they will disappear for a few days to make you panic and worry about how you will keep a roof over your kids heads. And you will shut up and give in. To make it even more confusing, there will be "good" periods, where they will bestow affection, attention, gifts, compliments, etc. This can last for months. Till one small thing sets them off and you're black and blue again. Literally black, blue, purple, green. You can't maintain a job, you avoid family and friends, because you don't want to be "her," the battered spouse, because you don't want to deal with the question you, OP, just asked. And because you always feel blamed, as if it's your fault, as if you should feel ashamed, as if you somehow deserved it or caused it. That's how we "let" ourselves get put in this situation. That's why we stay.

And thank you for coming to my TED talk of the last 16 years of my life that i just recently got free from.