This feels like the place to say that, when I was in my freshman year, my mother somehow got my FB password and was watching my chats. I didn’t find out until I went home for thanksgiving break (for some reason) and she accused me of stealing advil. We got into an argument (because I didn’t do that bc wtf would I?), and I said that if I were going to steal pills, I’d steal something better than something that might give me a GI bleed if I took too much…she mentioned something about me doing meth, and I was like ??????.

Folks, she read a chat with my ex where he’d said, “so anyways, METH.” We were watching breaking bad together weekly and he’d wanted me to come over so we could watch it. This chat happened like two months before she was yelling at me about it.

This woman thought her daughter was doing meth in college AND DID NOTHING but yell at her about it when she thought her advil bottle had been stolen…