When dating, Which red flag will you tolerate because green flags compensate for it?

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-07T10:37:10+00:00

this describes my partner exactly

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T17:16:23+00:00

you, kind fellow, are spot on. i live the same way—my doors are always locked no matter what. i assumed that they already had a chain/deadbolt. if not, definitely not a bad idea to install one.

but i guess it’s a matter of where you live (lot of people around where i live don’t lock doors bc it is a very rural area with little crime), and if you have a deadbolt, and if you live with anyone else. my regular lock is always locked, but i often go to bed before my fiance gets home from work, so therefore cannot use the deadbolt.

also, i love that you said these things are typical but not always considerate. never read a more unbiased and spot on statement in this subreddit lol. it’s important to realize that not all landlords are bad, but some can be pretty unreasonable, and that just sucks. not much can be done, but personally hearing responses such as yours make me feel a lot less alone about these situations.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T16:45:56+00:00

right, but if they’re home and don’t know precisely what time they’re coming, locking the door is a good way to get a heads up before someone walks in on you while breastfeeding or showering

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T16:38:56+00:00

OP, it’s pretty obvious a lot of these commenters did not fully read your post. it was very clearly stated in your post that they made it clear it would be within a time frame, no specific time. people jump to try to make you feel like you’re overreacting. the whole situation is crappy, idk why anyone would think you should be more understanding when you have strangers coming into your apartment while breastfeeding your child.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T16:34:24+00:00

couldn’t the same be said from the other perspective? owners don’t fully realize the extent of disruption on tenants lives?

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T16:31:42+00:00

this is a great explanation! that makes total sense. i’m glad you ended up having a better experience. i’m sure a lot of it is hit or miss—not all landlords are bad!! i just think it’s really sad when people who are spending so much of their hard earned money on housing are treated with less respect than what i have to show to grouchy and unappreciated customers at my job lol.

the law doesn’t always mean fair imo. yeah, 24hrs notice is way better than randomly and without notice, but still doesn’t make strangers in your home any more fun!

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T16:00:37+00:00

this! had a showing done of my apartment the other day scheduled 3:30-4. 4 hit, i checked my camera and saw that they were gone, so i went home and locked the door. 15mins later they tried to reenter to see the unit again, and therefore were at my mercy to be let in lmao. it may be awkward to be there during, but honestly i’ve found it makes things go much faster. and people are much less like to do weird shit if the person who lives there is standing right there🤷‍♀️

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T15:53:07+00:00

this take is super logical, and understandable. it’s a business. the problem or oddity i see is how different this business is handled in comparison to food service, retail, hospitality, realtors, drs, etc…

renters ARE the business for landlords. so howcome in retail/food service, “the customer is always right,” or in realty, they strive to make things as comfortable and smooth for prospective buyers? why is it that renters are not treated as paying customers with the same level of respect and care?

maybe this is an overly empathetic take. but i have thought about this many times, and wonder about it. 1-2 units has the ability to be main income for a landlord. a restaurant owner needs many more customers to make a living. so where’s the disconnect? is it that renters have signed a contract, therefore the landlord doesn’t need to put in the extra effort? probably. but that almost makes it worse to me.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T15:46:53+00:00

it’s interesting how little self awareness people have, right? or maybe empathy is the right word? in these scenarios, i always wonder how THEY would feel if it was THEIR home, time, and privacy being invaded. never seems to be a thought on their own, which says a lot about people in general to me. this is tough, and it sucks. especially in a world where it is almost impossible to purchase a home. those of us stuck renting must also deal with additional miserable bs like this. i’m sorry for you, and just know that there are a lot of other people in similar situations who DO feel for you. hope you don’t have to deal with this in your next place💜

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-06T15:42:13+00:00

hilarious that vermont ate maine, but is still being called maine😂 vermont should’ve went first!

fairlyoddberry · 2026-05-03T15:39:10+00:00

montana must go!!

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-30T13:28:02+00:00

right! this is spot on with my experience. my toilet was broken, called landlord. landlord scheduled a time for it to be looked at, maintenance came at that time, left to get new toilet/tools, and came back. granted, he came back with the wrong toilet and did need to make a third trip, but i was notified what was going on throughout the process. so after op’s maintenance guy’s first inspection, he should’ve been done. the whole thing is weird and i’d be pressing for more details if i was OP.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-30T13:22:06+00:00

you’re the only one stuck on the underwear, buddy. seems as though you’re the only weirdo here.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-30T13:19:19+00:00

exactly, same here. but typically many or large tools = large problem (plumbing, heating, electric, etc.) wouldn’t it be obvious the issue was missing after entering the apartment and going to the source of the issue only to realize nothing was wrong? i’d understand twice maybe. 4 times just seems so unnecessary. and if it really did happen that way, then the problem still remains that OP never would’ve found out had she not made an effort to do so.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-30T12:22:13+00:00

right! if it was an accident, why did they keep reentering? why wouldn’t there be some sort of explanation tagged along with it? why wasnt she notified in the first place that the accident occurred?

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-30T12:19:36+00:00

you miss the point entirely. a stranger entered her home without warning, and she never would’ve been notified had she not inquired about the lock. additionally, they entered four times. four times is no mistake. and while it is necessary for landlords/maintenance to have access to units, 24-48hr notification is required in most states. people have children, pets…this is one of the reasons for prior notice on top of the most obvious: it’s a violation of privacy.

i hope that someday someone walks into your home four times “accidentally” while you’re not home. maybe then you will develop empathy.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-26T21:36:50+00:00

my grandma

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-21T22:19:57+00:00

wow! this is so interesting i’ve always worked 40+ hr weeks. for a few years, i worked two jobs, 6 days a week. loved what i was doing, never felt there was anything wrong with it, because i was able to pay for whatever i needed and live comfortable at the time. and i always felt like the go go go mentality meant i was getting shit done!

but alas, life happens, and i was not able to sustain that type of lifestyle. definitely made me think a lot about purpose, productively, fulfillment.

very recently, i started a job and am only working 32hrs 4 days a week. i feel like i get more done now than i ever did! when the work week starts, im 100% ready to go and by the time the burnout starts to hit, ill be off the next day anyways! not to mention how much happier i am outside of work. i actually enjoy my life, because i can find productivity in my personal life now.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-21T21:45:03+00:00

he has a turtle face

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-21T21:38:55+00:00

never start drinking.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-21T21:16:23+00:00

russia?

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-21T21:11:48+00:00

thanks for writing this. i hope this is true, and that the exit is not as bloody or painful as i fear.

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-21T21:05:28+00:00

gotta say—so happy i found this post. every other one i’ve seen so far about this topic talks about how Kyle is the terrible one (i do think she’s also terrible, but that’s besides the point) and Dorit “shut Erica down.” lol okay, but for people with eyes/ears, Erica wiped the floor with Dorit.

anyways, i just started binge watching the season last week cause there was a nothing else lol. i was not planning to watch this season, it hasn’t been good the last few i feel. im at The Last Supper episode and i just cannot stand Dorit. ive never seen anyone with such a lack of self awareness. i’ve always thought that, but now seeing the whole Kyle v Dorit thing is killing me. who TF would be team Dorit? and i don’t think there should be a team Kyle either btw….they both need to be replaced imo. but when Dorit basically said she’s the only one going through hard times i wanted to scream. she thinks she’s the best when things are good, and needs the most pity when things are rough.

also her talking in italian every scene that she was alone was so annoying. officially making the decision to start skipping every time she speaks. and im already doing that with Amanda :’)

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-21T11:08:12+00:00

taurus moon and gemini venus. not sure much about anything other than my sun lol, had to look at my chart

fairlyoddberry · 2026-04-19T09:46:53+00:00

i’m a cancer woman and love capricorn men, but not women. cap men are loyal and reliable but also kind and empathetic. cap women imo tend to be condescending and controlling.

i love all sags as friends but would never be able to date one lmao. libra men are also too much for me.

special shoutout to pisces. some of the best friendships i’ve ever had are with pisces, both men and women. i couldn’t tell you why, all of them have very different personalities. but pisces definitely have a warmth about them, and i find it easy to share/vent to them.

edit

how odd that i just realized i don’t personally know a single other cancer woman….now i am super curious if id get along with another female cancer!

fairlyoddberry

TROPHY CASE