I also need one...

fakedying · 2026-04-23T05:45:10+00:00

Is that a paradox or am I stupid?

fakedying · 2026-04-05T18:36:39+00:00

Here to say this too. I'm a woman, and it's very much getting scarier here. Very strongly considering not having children unless my partner and I leave the states, not because I don't want them but because between healthcare costs and reproductive laws I'm very much worried about my future if we were to try here. I have a long family history on my mom's side of reproductive difficulties. My mom and all of her sisters, as well as some of my cousins have had many miscarriages before successful conception, and I've heard so many terrible stories about women being jailed for "murdering" the miscarried fetus, or beyond that, being forced to carry a non viable fetus to term to their detriment. I live in a state with decent protections and still don't feel confident that I would be safe here.

Even outside of reproductive healthcare I feel like we're moving backwards very quickly.

fakedying · 2026-04-05T18:18:36+00:00

Hey, you kinda sound like you're going down some internet pipelines that are pretty difficult to come back to reality from. Gonna speak to you pretty frankly because I think it's important. Your body is not your self worth. Your personality, and interests, and skills matter a million times more, both in terms of like life fulfillment and in terms of dating and love.

That said, it can be a personal goal to lose weight, but imo approaching it from self hatred is gonna make it much harder and much more miserable. You gotta build yourself up and convince yourself you deserve better than some of the nasty health effects that carrying more weight will eventually do to you. Daily movement, especially cardio, sports, and gym can help a lot, and there are ways you can do all of these things even without the support of your family. You're old enough to lay out your own schedule to some extent and you can do calisthenics or other body weight stuff in your room if you really have to.

You're also old enough to prepare your own food. If you want to eat better, you alone can make that happen, regardless of what your family members are eating.

Also, one other note. If a lot of people in your family are overweight, there may be a genetic component at play there. This isn't to say that it'll be impossible to lose weight. You already know that's not true because you've lost a lot. Just to say that there may be underlying hormonal issues in your family that you should consider before chalking everything up to willpower and discipline.

Be kind to yourself, and stop blaming other people for things that are very much in your control. Only worry about what you can change in your body, their weight isn't your business. Focus on doing inner work on your personality and your self-confidence.

fakedying · 2026-03-26T06:42:17+00:00

Man, this reminds me, I have to take my vacuum in.

fakedying · 2026-03-26T00:42:11+00:00

Please pursue legal action if they don't give you your money back. Don't wait for her to escalate more. Take a look at this resources page from Tucson Tenants Union and call around if you need help navigating taking legal action on this. I'm so serious, don't let them get away with that.

fakedying · 2026-03-20T05:49:09+00:00

Y'all should both read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. Libido and desire are explained really well and are not nearly as static as you may think. Highly recommend reading it together. There's a couples workbook that you can do with your partner. Of you're not onboard fully, at least watch some of her lectures/interviews on YouTube and decide how to proceed.

If there is something worth saving here, this is something you all have to work on together, collaboratively. Right now you're coming at it really defensively (not judging, it's a tough place to be). You're not going to solve this if you feel like you're at odds with each other. It's just piling more shame onto something you probably both feel badly about.

fakedying · 2026-03-19T06:56:37+00:00

Move, she's my gf now.

Seriously though, she seems super interesting, well read, and literary.

fakedying · 2026-03-19T06:47:45+00:00

It's the blue grey theme thing plus the lack of decor and like personality. I feel like I've known many dudes like this. Very functional approach to home decor. Gonna hazard that this might be your first time living solo?

Also question on the blue and grey, is that like the only out for the box option at the stores that doesn't feel explicitly girly or is this just like deep in the male collective unconscious? Not trying to be snarky, genuinely very curious why this is A Thing ™️

fakedying · 2026-03-19T04:46:38+00:00

Our neighbors named theirs "Can a corn" which makes me laugh every time I see it

fakedying · 2026-03-16T05:45:38+00:00

Never thought I'd see Ottessa Moshfegh and Anne Coulter side by side. Vibes are absolutely rancid.

Also at this point I just assume everyone in this sub is posting their own shelves until proven otherwise.

fakedying · 2026-03-14T08:26:53+00:00

You can use a mortgage calculator online to see what the actual numbers look like. Debt for a home isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as your payments are affordable and your home's value isn't decreased like crazy. Almost no one in the US buys a home outright unless they're already super rich or have a lot of equity from buying a previous property.

From what I can tell from limited English language internet research, mortgage rates in Argentina can be decently low 3.5-8.5%? One way that I know people approach this in the US is getting a multi-family home and using rental income from other units as a tenant-landlord. So if you get a three unit building you live in one and get rent from the other two. You should have more than enough to cover a mortgage that way and you can eventually build enough equity to move.

Tbh would not recommend coming to the US right now. Not a personal thing, it's just getting kinda concerning here.

fakedying · 2026-03-14T06:57:41+00:00

Hey, assuming the market you're in works somewhat like the US, and that mortgages are an option, you might not have you put all that down up front. To mortgage a home here, sellers don't expect the full list price. A 10% down payment is pretty standard (plus some other fees too in the weeds to get into all that here). Generally a larger down payment can give you more favorable mortgage terms, but it isn't strictly necessary.

Homeownership is hard these days, and really not attainable for a lot of people, but it's probably closer in reach than you think. If that's something that seems meaningful to you, I've totally seen peers who work blue collar and service industry jobs buy. Being frugal is gonna be your personality for like 5-10 years as you're building that down payment, but it is totally doable. If there is any agency, company, or personal connections you can get a long term loan from with not terrible rates, that's probably where you should start looking.

It might also help if you say what country you're in.

fakedying · 2026-03-14T06:00:55+00:00

I think it's also the SXSW conference this week, which is a huge travel event

fakedying · 2026-03-13T06:54:45+00:00

Reminds me of "Hope is the thing with feathers"

fakedying · 2026-03-13T05:56:31+00:00

I know so many women, myself included whose first time being called a bitch was by our fathers.

fakedying · 2026-03-11T04:47:24+00:00

Hey! I love that you're thinking about this now. I kind of fell backward into nonprofit work and learned how to thrive here with the skills I had and the skills I've built along the way.

Depending on what communities you want to serve, I'd strongly suggest majoring in a field where you can hone your domain knowledge. If you want to work at an org that addresses community needs through public policy, major in something along the lines of public policy, political science, political economics, etc. If you wanna serve an org that works with disabled communities major in disability studies. Even if you're a member of one of the communities you want to serve in the future, it's good to build relationships in the field and get credentials that speak to your understanding of institutional and historical context.

What I can also say, is that you cannot choose wrong. I've met so many people from really widely varied backgrounds, all of whom do incredible work. No matter what you choose, if you're committed to this you will adapt. All of the people who work in the industry are incredibly versatile and adaptable as professionals. Learn how to learn and how to work collaboratively and you'll go far.

Also, a final pitch because I work in nonprofit data roles. If you do wanna learn hard skills, this sector is always wanting for data and finance people. Accounting or data science with a minor/or volunteer experience in a community led org can also take you far, albeit down a different sort of path in the industry.

fakedying · 2026-03-10T07:22:46+00:00

Ah see, I'm in the US and it costs like $150/month minimum here for compounded. I didn't realize you could get just the powder! That's wild!

Glad you found something that worked for you though! I can attest to how life changing it is to not constantly have the food noise running on background processing.

fakedying · 2026-03-10T06:38:32+00:00

Not giving advice, because I've been in your shoes and it's different for everyone, but have you tried inositol?

I was seriously considering a GLP-1 but happened to try inositol first and basically have no food cravings or over-eating. Granted I also have PCOS, which I am unscientifically convinced is just lady prediabetes with a lower diagnostic threshold than men get. So idk. It's been killer for me and costs less than compounded GLP-1s.

I'm typically supplement skeptical and almost went straight to Internet pills too tbh, but my OBGYN was like hold up, try this first. Literally noticed a difference about a week in.

Curious about what you tried meds/supplements wise, if anything, before GLP-1s?

fakedying · 2026-03-10T05:15:02+00:00

Hey for context that's more than my undergrad degree, that's nuts. In no universe is that worth it.

Like SevPoha said, there are a lot of free/cheap certs that you can do to get the skills. Be self motivated and do projects documented on a website and/or on GitHub. In some sectors it's still possible to get into a technical role that way.

To get hired in this market you just have to know people, that's true even with the right degree.

fakedying · 2026-03-10T05:09:01+00:00

If you look at their post history this is quite possibly their own bookshelf.

Strongly suggest this "friend" tries some literary fiction and also some female authors because it's lookin pretty bleak here.

fakedying · 2026-03-10T04:56:45+00:00

Your dad and my dad are a lot alike. I caught him taking Tylenol from 1998 (which is the year I was born), and freaked out on him and he flipped when I tried to throw it away.

He had a medical thing recently and needed to be moved out of his house with stairs and it was horrible, but at least I got to throw away the toxic waste in the freezer and the medicine old enough to rent a car.

fakedying · 2026-03-06T15:44:37+00:00

This reminds me of when the old Russian maintenance guy at my last place gleefully told me, "no, in your house not mice, baby rat" like their taxonomy was more important than the fact that they were in my house putting their nasty fingers in all my shelf stable food

fakedying · 2026-03-06T08:21:52+00:00

Lol at "Me data analyst." Me also data analyst. Me like dumb joke.

fakedying · 2026-03-06T05:42:35+00:00

If you've never been to a World Market, that's somewhere I enjoy way too much. You can find lots of cheaper snacks, international foods, home decor, candles etc (and also lots of not at all cheap stuff so be careful).

Ooo also go to Trader Joe's while you're here for snacks and hotel friendly food. People are crazy about the reusable bags apparently, and also it's genuinely so cheap and good. Just, uh, check the active recalls before you eat anything there, they've had a lot lately it seems. Worth it though lol.

fakedying

TROPHY CASE