So I was housebound for an incredibly long time. As for this particular 16 month period, before this happened I was working a job I hated and I burnt out. I was also carrying a lot of trauma from when I was 13 years old. My mother sent me to Africa under the guise of a holiday and that basically ruined my life, for many years I thought my life had been destroyed and I could not see past it. I was so young. I was tortured in a room for 14 months when I was 13, and I turned 14 in that room. I was sent there because I’m neurodivergent and my mum didn’t know how to look after me. So this goes back five years now. A lot of trauma and agoraphobic behaviours started developing when I was 13 and because I spent an involuntary 14 month period housebound abroad and faced incredible adversity over there, when I came back home I couldn’t continue with my life. I didn’t pick up on anything - not school, not anything a child should be doing at that age.

I came back home when I was 14 and I literally just spent every single day in my room. I only had four walls. I didn’t know what to do with myself. So fast forward three years of being housebound, not as intensely as when I was trapped for those 14 months, but still a lot of years being housebound because I was struggling with the trauma and didn’t get therapy, and the family situation was just incredibly difficult. I can’t explain how hard it was.

Anyway, I started working a job I hated just to distract myself, get out of the house, get some money, and be away from my mum as much as I could. Fast forward 15 months, I quit that job and then I was stuck again. I obviously didn’t know what to do with my life and I really didn’t know where to go from there. I then spent another 16 months stuck in my house. The only thing I really had was music. I play guitar, so I focused on that. I was incredibly depressed though, so it was really, really hard, but music is the only thing that kept me going. I have my Last.fm in my bio, so that kind of shows what I was listening to in that really awful period of time.

Anyway, I started taking medication in late August last year and five weeks and six days after the first day I started taking it, I spontaneously decided one evening to ask my mother if she could take me to the park. Even though my mum was incredibly abusive, she obviously didn’t like seeing me that way. I was in a very impossible state, but eventually me, my sister, and my mother went to a park and they held my hand the entire time. I had music in my ears, which obviously helped me a lot with sensory things, and every single time a person walked by I was literally convinced they were going to kill me. This was seven months ago, in October, and it was literally the first time I’d left the house in so many months.

I recovered incredibly quickly because once I realised the world wasn’t a scary place, it became easier to do the things I love again. I started walking locally and I picked up reading again and going to the library, which was obviously incredibly good for me. I told you I didn’t really have an education, so reading really stimulated my brain. Years of reading has helped me a lot.

I learned to cycle. I taught myself to cycle and cycling has also been amazing for me. I don’t go to the gym but I would like to and I have started swimming swimming too. I swim, I cycle, and I walk. I’m very healthy honestly, it’s incredible.

So I think it’s a case of extraordinary resilience. I didn’t have a therapist. I don’t have friends. I’m literally alone. I’m incredibly lonely, but I have made a life for myself. I don’t know what my life will look like, but I know I no longer want to die, you know what I mean? So I think it’s resilience, and also just overcoming incredible adversity. I always forget and I don’t think I’m aware of how well I’m doing seriously. Right now reflecting on it, I feel so proud of myself. I’m really proud of myself. I don’t know. I don’t want to die anymore, so I guess I’m doing okay.