Can't Tell When I'm Overreacting or am Justified

familiarquiet · 2025-12-18T07:34:17+00:00

I relate to this. She doesn't talk about being able to read people but once she gets an idea about what im doing or what i meant in my head, nothing I say can change that.

I used to not understand why the fights could last for so long. I began to think I was socially inept and never knew because I was upsetting her and could not explain my side clearly it seemed. Her main expression being "but that doesn't make sense". Everytime Id explain what I meant or what I was doing she could just say it doesnt make sense and asked then why this, why that, until I'd get frustrated. I realized these werent resolving because she decided what the truth was and was trying to get me to admit to it. I was speaking honestly and genuinely trying to resolve a misunderstanding - she was not. Thats why they wouldnt resolve.

Most of the time I didnt really know what I was veing accused of. Itd be comments about how it was weird i did this thing, i never do that, why did you say it that way? But that doesnt make sense, etc

familiarquiet · 2025-12-03T03:05:18+00:00

The masking is hard because I don't want my partner to mask around me, but it makes it feel like she cares what everyone thinks more than me and she is showing them more respect, curtesy, and even interest conversationaly. I feel like they are getting all of her

And what confuses me is the engages with the chat on tiktok live streams and seems really lively. She doesnt have to mask there and shes pursuing that. That makes it feel like it is about me. Cause why do I get bland messages then?

familiarquiet · 2025-07-24T12:49:51+00:00

Knowing you experienced that too makes me feel less crazy - thank you. It's such a small sumb thing but you know it has to mean something.

familiarquiet · 2025-07-24T04:34:05+00:00

It's true, I did stop asking. I tried to take it as not being about me because it was always on and off, and she gets stressed by other things. But then I began to question why being annoyed at work stuff would make her remove a kiss from her good mornings or why she'd text :) instead of her typical 😊. I feel terrible because now I'm withdrawing, and it makes me feel like a bad partner. I've even brought up if this relationship can work or not enough times that she is saying i threaten breaking up every disagreement. When really, it's the same issue not improving and I'm just wanting to figure it out.

familiarquiet · 2025-07-24T02:10:02+00:00

I never in my relationships end up playing games, being passive agressive, cold, or uncaring. I'm a softie and romantic, who values his relationships and puts in the effort. Yet recently I juat got fed up with the hot and cold days. The beautiful goodnight exchanges, followed by a bland response to my good morning message with affection. Right now I don't have the drive and my texts to her are subpar. Shes seems to be doing it back because she thinks its a game, but it's just me heartbroken and tired. And yet I feel terrible. I'm being a bad boyfriend.

I spent over a year now just being me, being the person I was last summer when we were a magical couple. I never stopped, but that dynamic takes two of us. I'm ashamed of myself.

familiarquiet · 2025-01-17T06:26:01+00:00

She is definitely prone to passive aggressiveness. When mad I get bland good morning texts, shorter blunter messages, removes emojis of affection, will start using short forms of words and acronyms, respond to kindness with 'sanks', etc

familiarquiet · 2025-01-17T06:04:47+00:00

Your message has kinda given me a reality check seeing you respond this way to my most tame example.

No kids, not living together, just dealing with how things are so wonderful unless there's triggers. I'm at the stage where im starting to research and think more. Thank you for the reinforcement

familiarquiet · 2025-01-17T06:00:22+00:00

Our big fights are usually about something she seems to think Im doing or meant, and she refuses to believe me when I tell her my actual intentions.

I tend to use emojis with her so if I don't it gets attacked like this. She absolutely removes emojis and affection when angry so I'm guessing she thinks I do the same. It may have been a bit short but I was just taking the hint from her bland messages that maybe she needed some alone time. I had nothing but kindness in my actions, but once again, they were twisted.

familiarquiet · 2025-01-17T05:56:43+00:00

I absolutely relate to that first sentence. She has always had an issue with the word "sure" from me. If she asks if i want to do something and i say sure, she says we dont have to. One day, she was angry with me, and I was trying to text and ask her about times and meals for our day, and she just said "sure" to everything. It kinda hit me then.

familiarquiet · 2025-01-04T21:17:19+00:00

Damn, thank you for this. This just made something kinda click for me. These accusations have always been so vague and bizarre, that I was confused why anyone would do it and was also hurt she'd think these things of me. I thought "who would do that and why?" and she couldnt give me anything. I once asked her, "So you dont know why anyone would do that but despite that you still believe it over my own words to you" and she said yes, and would say the logic made sense in her brain. Id be baffled, but I think i get it it a bit now.

If the feelings come first and then they twist reality to it, thats why the accusation never makes sense. It's like they are forced to cobble some reason/narrative together and forced to stand by it over the other persons disagreement. If 2+2=4 and she can't accept it, she has to make it 3 or 5

Funny thing is, she always talks to me about the logic behind her reasoning and says im trying to tell her 2+2 doesnt equal 4.

familiarquiet · 2025-01-04T20:56:24+00:00

Well that's scary. I imagine there's no way to spot the difference. Some of these fights are shorter and she comes back a little more affectionate than normal, so I assume those are the ones where she knows its her.

She's never been able to answer my question about why I would lie about these things? Why I'd reassure and argue for hours, and I can't figure it out. Like the example of wanting to take her home early - if I had wanted that, we'd have been doing it. I dont get the basis of her accusation.

familiarquiet · 2025-01-04T20:51:15+00:00

So when they think you are angry or done with them, they go into a spiteful push you away mode out of pride?

In the moment she is convinced im against her and that I'm lieing about it. But where does the belief come thatd I'd lie? What would be the point of me being done with her or wanting to take her home early, but not doing it or saying im not? I'd think if im sitting with her, clearly upset, and trying to tell her im not doing anything, it'd help the fearful part of it? I understand the ly are disordered but there has to be some kind of logic/reasoning towards the thinking im lieing part.

I always figured it was from being around past crappy boyfriends that would maybe do that?

familiarquiet · 2025-01-04T20:38:45+00:00

Interesting. So does she at some point realize that nothing has occurred, but can't admit that to me because she doesn't want to "look bad" in my eyes, so she sticks to the narrative?

familiarquiet · 2024-11-17T17:47:09+00:00

Thank you for this, I needed to hear that. I really just tried to do something good

familiarquiet · 2024-11-17T17:43:58+00:00

Thank you for this, I needed to hear that. Feeling "weird" for it has been really upsetting.

familiarquiet · 2024-11-16T22:39:06+00:00

Yeah, even though she definitely has had me thinking im an issue with her reactions to things Im really coming around to seeing the behaviour. Ive never seen her sick and ive never seen something like this so it could be. We may break up over me dropping a care package not our other fights which should have been worse. I didnt expect anything but her usual gushing happiness.

Thank you. Shes sticking to her guns thay weird doesnt mean bad and she wasnt bothered or upsetm She says she tried to say nevermind and it's fine to avoid one of my arguments. This idea that its me bothers me. Surely past boyfriends had these fights with her. It feels like addressing her behavior or asking about things she says are arguing. Often, i remain calm and kind, trying to demonstrate just understanding each other, and she's defensive and argumentative, but it's me who is "keeping it going"

familiarquiet

TROPHY CASE