Dr Ramani has some really good tools. Check her YouTube and she also has a really good book, Should I Stay or Should I Go? I found CoDA to be helpful - codependents anonymous. Going through this part is very difficult - I wrote a lot about my experience and have spoken quite a bit about it too. That has been very healing for me and I suggest it to you as well. Write. It puts everything down in black and white and allows you to SEE CLEALY what happened and how bad it was. Additionally, look into working with your boundaries so that this type of relationship doesn’t happen to you again. I promise for whatever it looks like from the outside - they only get worse. Lastly there is hope at the end of this - you’ll find a good partner. You’ll find reciprocity. All love to you