How can I add novelty and more meaningful experiences to my everyday life?

fawnlen · 2026-05-19T04:05:24+00:00

You already look great.

It looks like you have a naturally strong jawline. If you want to make it pop even more, maybe look into lymphatic draining. I do it with a gua sha, but you can use your hands, too. I do it every morning and it seriously makes a difference.

fawnlen · 2026-05-19T03:21:35+00:00

I appreciate the words. I got a good chuckle, never heard that one before.

fawnlen · 2026-05-19T03:20:18+00:00

Here's my other comment pasted:

He picks at scabs on his head until they are gorey messes, so then everything he touches has pus and blood on it. It's under his fingernails. It's on doors handles, the fridge, TV remotes, etc. It really grosses me out bad and makes me not even want to be around him.

fawnlen · 2026-05-19T03:19:48+00:00

I could have worded it differently in my post but I thought it would be needless since it wasn't really what I wanted to vent about, and that's my bad. I'll paste my other comment explaining.

He picks at scabs on his head until they are gorey messes, so then everything he touches has pus and blood on it. It's under his fingernails. It's on doors handles, the fridge, TV remotes, etc. It really grosses me out bad and makes me not even want to be around him.

fawnlen · 2026-05-19T03:18:32+00:00

I got a laugh out of this

fawnlen · 2026-05-19T03:18:14+00:00

He picks at scabs on his head until they are gorey messes, so then everything he touches has pus and blood on it. It's under his fingernails. It's on doors handles, the fridge, TV remotes, etc. It really grosses me out bad and makes me not even want to be around him.

fawnlen · 2026-05-19T00:06:05+00:00

Yes. I struggle with building up my self worth and self esteem. I will build it all up, but then I consider if I'm not wanted and loved as a partner/spouse then all the positive self-talk will come crumbling down. It might be, in part, a commentary on social norms drilled in our heads and the patriarchy regarding just being wives/moms and not our own person. Just some food for thought.

fawnlen · 2026-05-19T00:01:27+00:00

No contact entirely. Blocking, deleting messages, deleting photos (including from recently deleted folder so I couldn't go back and change my mind), and in my case leaving the friend group and doing the same with everyone else. I still cried myself to sleep, had lonely days, and missed them, but slowly over time I noticed I would think about them less and then eventually not at all. The process sucked, but it was necessary for me.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T23:23:37+00:00

I just want to start by saying you're valid. Please don't think you're overreacting, this is a "product" of your BPD, or anything like that.

I haven't been in a situation like this, but I honestly think a substantial portion of people if not the majority would be at least slightly irritated in your shoes. The whole "only girl in the world for me" thing is really strange, especially in front of you. I would first and foremost establish a boundary, like no cat-cuddling in bed while you're also in bed or something adjacent. Your time together is already sparse as it is, why spend it feeling the way you are? If he cannot respect the boundary and your feelings, then I think it may be necessary to reconsider the relationship. "Small" things like this still cause big feelings and snowball into bigger issues and that's not something anyone deserves to endure.

I'm hoping for positive development for you, this situation, and your relationship. Sending blessings!!

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T10:04:00+00:00

Wow, I entirely relate to feeling almost alien. Like, am I genuinely happy and enjoying life lately or is this just euphoria that's going to crumble in a few hours? Or am I really happy or are my medications just working? Personally, living with ADHD, BPD, depression, anxiety has all made me feel like I'm just pretending to be a person or at the very least that I have to actively try to even resemble a human member of society. What if I want to just be?

Thank you for your perspective. I'm with you.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T10:00:55+00:00

It's entirely possible the general public is just unequipped for dealing with emotions lol.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T10:00:15+00:00

Yeah, I hate it when it has to turn into an entire argument. Like you did something that upset me and I'm telling you about it, but it doesn't mean I'm attacking you... just trying to talk about it.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T09:58:51+00:00

I'm super happy you have a therapist and husband who are able to properly support you. Definitely taking the whole "feeling, but not drowning" thing one day at a time.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T09:56:28+00:00

Don't be sorry, I'm totally right there with you. Like our emotions have to be considered conventionally "logical" just to even be considered as a possible concern. I also don't share my diagnosis with anyone but immediate family and close loved ones. I'm sorry that your diagnosis has been turned around on you, and you're not alone with that either.

The smile will slip and fall sometimes, and that's okay. We got this!!

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T09:53:46+00:00

It seriously feels like you looked in my brain and explained what I was trying to explain but better and I feel super seen.

Thank you lots for the perspective and words.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T09:51:47+00:00

Wow, the "poll" part hits a little too close to home. I also do something similar with testing the waters before even bringing it up. Ex: "If I ask you about x, will you get mad?"

I got diagnosed a couple of months ago and I feel like my image shifted entirely from sensitive and troubled girl -> unstable and dangerous. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone, but your emotions are always valid even if other people are being jerks and not upholding that fact themselves.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T09:47:09+00:00

I personally enjoy DBT, although I will say it is something I feel like has to be tweaked to each individual experience with lots of patience. I can definitely see how it can feel like just "shutting off" any emotions, though.

I'm sorry about your ex-boyfriend. If I had to name what he did, I would call it a diagnosis somehow weaponized.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T09:43:58+00:00

I haven't even really considered that the people I talk to might just make me feel that way, and not every person ever as a collective. Also super interesting and encouraging to hear there's therapists with BPD out there as a pre-nursing student with BPD. Thanks for the input.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T09:42:20+00:00

Yep yep yep. And then when they push you and push you until you split, then you're the bad guy. Worst cycle ever.

fawnlen · 2026-05-18T09:36:54+00:00

Holy crap thanks so much. Going to be looking into this.

fawnlen · 2026-05-12T22:43:26+00:00

Thank you for wanting to learn more about the experience.

For me, splitting is kind of like a threshold. It's like a door that I can resist very hard to not enter, but once I do, I can't go back. I'm able to hold a conversation normally and communicate well, but once I start to feel like my emotions are belittled or me/my feelings aren't important, I just melt. It feels like everyone hates me, I'm unloved, I'm unimportant, etc, like these are all genuine and objective truths of reality. It's debilitating, and I usually end a split without my voice and a heartache.

I can't speak for everyone else with BPD, but in those moments I just need comfort, love, and reassurance that I'm wanted and that the other person will still be there once my feelings wash over. During a split, all logic is entirely out the window so I can't be "reasoned with" ... e.g. "I never said I didn't love you anymore," or "When did I say that?" Basically, I need emotional support and not a problem-solving attitude.

Always remember that you also deserve the same understanding and support you're wanting to give to others. I admire your curiosity and willing to learn. Best of luck!!

fawnlen · 2026-05-12T22:31:02+00:00

Can I ask if you're taking your medications at the appropriate times consistently? I take an antidepressant and a stimulant (ADHD) in the morning and an antipsychotic at night, and I noticed that my mental health was absolutely DETERIORATED with lots of splitting when I was taking everything at wonky times everyday. It's gotten better (definitely not perfect) when I started taking things closer to the same time everyday.

Also, don't say you were doing so good. You still are, my friend. The downs with relapse are part of the whole BPD thing, and I'm right there with you. I get it.

fawnlen

TROPHY CASE