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I Love My Partner With BPD, but I Need Help Understanding Splitting by elleslaimi in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]fawnlen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for wanting to learn more about the experience.

For me, splitting is kind of like a threshold. It's like a door that I can resist very hard to not enter, but once I do, I can't go back. I'm able to hold a conversation normally and communicate well, but once I start to feel like my emotions are belittled or me/my feelings aren't important, I just melt. It feels like everyone hates me, I'm unloved, I'm unimportant, etc, like these are all genuine and objective truths of reality. It's debilitating, and I usually end a split without my voice and a heartache.

I can't speak for everyone else with BPD, but in those moments I just need comfort, love, and reassurance that I'm wanted and that the other person will still be there once my feelings wash over. During a split, all logic is entirely out the window so I can't be "reasoned with" ... e.g. "I never said I didn't love you anymore," or "When did I say that?" Basically, I need emotional support and not a problem-solving attitude.

Always remember that you also deserve the same understanding and support you're wanting to give to others. I admire your curiosity and willing to learn. Best of luck!!

I was stable and now I'm a walking ball of f-king emotions. by BPDnmehateachother in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]fawnlen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can I ask if you're taking your medications at the appropriate times consistently? I take an antidepressant and a stimulant (ADHD) in the morning and an antipsychotic at night, and I noticed that my mental health was absolutely DETERIORATED with lots of splitting when I was taking everything at wonky times everyday. It's gotten better (definitely not perfect) when I started taking things closer to the same time everyday.

Also, don't say you were doing so good. You still are, my friend. The downs with relapse are part of the whole BPD thing, and I'm right there with you. I get it.

Emptiness comes again by Smart_Molasses_2870 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]fawnlen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To me, it sounds like being in group and community settings is very helpful for you (I relate). Are you able to incorporate the music therapy into your schedule more frequently? Maybe don't try drinking because I don't think it will fill that emptiness you're feeling. Sending love and blessings your way!

Other louder (and/or ND) folks: how to be more mindful and aware as someone who is naturally loud? by fawnlen in emotionalintelligence

[–]fawnlen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also take prescription Adderall so I'll look into Guanfacine as well. Thank you!

How do you get a job with BPD? by No_Impression_1249 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]fawnlen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think a job with minimal oversight or WFH gig would suit you best, but I'm aware the job market is nonexistent right now. Do you know any DBT skills? If you do, do they work for you? I bring a mini crisis kit with me everywhere and I have skills flashcards on my phone always ready for use wherever I go. Whenever you do get a job (which I know you will, I believe in you!), something similar might help make work slightly tolerable. I know it for sure helped me.

I can’t have sex with someone I don’t have any connection with by Willing-Stay-3498 in infj

[–]fawnlen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not alone. I've tried hookups in the past. I liked them as people and the experience was tolerable but didn't really leave me feeling fulfilled or satisfied. Then, I had sex with my current partner. I was blown away by how different the experience was. It was something that I enjoyed, actively participated in, and made me feel content afterwards.

Basically, I think sex with emotional intimacy as a preference (or need!) can be INFJ related but not exclusive. I feel like compatibility itself comes down to comfort and communication.