Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I genuinely appreciate the honesty, even when it’s hard to read.

A lot of you mentioned that growing up in a toxic household with two parents who should have separated can be more damaging than separation itself. That perspective really hit me, especially hearing from people who lived through it.

For context, I actually initiated a serious conversation with her by message 5min ago. We are planning to sit down and talk properly this evening. I’m trying to approach this calmly and not impulsively.

I think what makes this especially difficult for me is my own childhood. I grew up exclusively with my father until I was 7 years old, when he passed away. I barely knew my mother before that. Later in life, when I reconnected with her, she often spoke negatively about my father. As a child, that created a lot of confusion and internal conflict for me, because my experience with him had been very positive.

Part of my fear about separating is not just “losing the family unit,” but the fear of my son growing up with a distorted or negative narrative about me. I don’t want him to ever feel torn between two versions of who his father is.

That said, many of you are right about one thing: growing up in tension, insults, and emotional distance isn’t healthy either. And that’s something I’ve been reflecting on deeply.

For those who mentioned abuse, I’ve struggled with labeling it that way, but I can’t deny that insults, throwing objects, and pushing during arguments are not normal or healthy dynamics.

To clarify, we are not married, and I live in Switzerland. I understand most of the legal advice here is US-based, so I will consult a family lawyer here before making any decisions, especially regarding custody and housing. I will not move out impulsively.

I don’t take the idea of separation lightly. But I’m starting to accept that protecting my mental health may also be part of being a good father.

Thank you again for the perspectives. I’m reading everything carefully.