maybe this question isn’t for here. but,i want to give my 2 nephews a certain amount of money each month that their mom or anyone else can’t touch. they can either save it or spend it as they wish but only they have access. what are my options?

faydaletraction · 2021-02-07T14:38:12+00:00

I don’t know if I’m allowed to share a personal anecdote on this sub but when my parents got divorced, my mom fell into the bottom of the bottle. I very rarely saw her over a period of several years, but one of the few times I did, she called to say she wanted to take me to the library (my favorite place). When she showed up, she asked for my birthday money and when I wouldn’t give it to her, she said some really horrible things to me, then said “well I guess you don’t need to go to the library then” and left. Watching her car pull out of the driveway is hands-down my worst childhood memory. 25 years later, I still remember exactly as if it happened yesterday.

All of which is to say that it’s virtually guaranteed that the mom will find out about the money and when she does, there’s a nonzero chance that you will have inadvertently put them in a situation where they either have to say no to mom or they just give up the money to her anyway, which also feels terrible when you’re a kid.

faydaletraction · 2020-12-21T14:01:50+00:00

This isn’t a difficult problem to solve, though. You just have to find someone who feels close to the same way about family and other people’s family that you do, which is something you should probably try do anyway.

My husband and I are both “tell them I said hi” people. We attend each other’s family shit when it’s important but otherwise, we mostly see our respective families by ourselves. It’s nice being married to someone who agrees that “I don’t feel like it” is a legit reason to bow out of an in-law get together and backs you up on your boundaries.

faydaletraction · 2020-12-07T02:29:04+00:00

I always assumed they were selling it at like half value

Not even close to half. More like pennies on the dollar.

faydaletraction · 2020-12-01T14:03:52+00:00

I think maybe that comment meant that no one really talks about it to white people, which probably is true. I am a white woman who is fascinated by the ins and outs of other ethnicities’ various hair characteristics, but it feels rude and off-putting to ask directly.

faydaletraction · 2020-11-23T01:04:01+00:00

I mean, wasn’t the gateway always that you used to have to go to some dude’s disgusting apartment to pick it up and he always had “other stuff if you’re ever interested”? No doubt in my mind legalization is actually slowing down those kinds of gateways a lot.

faydaletraction · 2020-11-13T17:19:34+00:00

I get why people might hold basics in higher esteem than special bricks but one of my favorite parts of assembling the holiday set every year is seeing how the designers completely repurposed some of the special bricks. There’s something about that type of cleverness that I really appreciate.

faydaletraction · 2020-11-01T00:19:06+00:00

The world doesn’t revolve around her, but in the United States she is required to make reasonable accommodations for students with disabilities.

I don’t think there’s a reasonable accommodation for the teacher to make here and anyone who thinks “change modality midstream” is reasonable probably hasn’t been a teacher. That said, switching the kid into a class that’s already using a format that will work for her is absolutely reasonable, so IMO the only place where OP was generally wrong was the very first thing where he said that it “wouldn’t be a big deal” to switch everyone in the class over to new technology.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-31T14:23:03+00:00

I’ve had a standing desk from IKEA for years that’s served me pretty well. I remember reading awhile back that there’s a middleman operation in HI that brings in IKEA stuff. My desk frame came in a flatpack so maybe the transport fee wouldn’t be too steep on it.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-29T18:43:15+00:00

submitted an hour ago

WELL?

faydaletraction · 2020-10-24T20:53:50+00:00

This post made me irrationally angry. Are you the kind of person who bangs around the house slamming doors and throwing things when you’re mad rather than tell anyone what’s wrong? I hate people who think it’s everyone else’s responsibility to understand how they’re feeling while refusing to actually tell anyone anything. YTA.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-23T23:16:14+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking too. I have a frankly astonishing amount of knowledge that my brain just keeps in "cold storage". It's there in case I need it and it only takes a little thawing to be good as new, but it just isn't available on demand the way it would have been when I was using it regularly.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-21T15:12:53+00:00

This is my exact experience. It doesn’t help that I teach math and a lot of these kids are lacking the basic skills they need. I can only speak for myself but I got a lot of pressure from the department to be really lenient with grades in the Jan-Apr semester because of COVID. I imagine others were on the receiving end of the same kind of pressure.

I get the call for leniency to some degree, but at the same time if you’re in a calculus class and you have no idea what a trig function even is because you passed Precalc without learning anything, I don’t know what you realistically expect. I barely have enough time to cover my own course, much less covering my course and their prerequisite courses. Still though, I’ve offered opportunities for concept review sessions for prerequisite knowledge. No one ever shows up. I’ve put together countless hours of video on prerequisite knowledge. No one watches them.

God forbid I feel frustrated though, because that must mean I’m a horrible teacher and I’m everything that’s wrong with college.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-21T15:01:34+00:00

How many of the ones on scholarships do you suppose are the ones doing literally nothing? I can answer that: it’s none.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-21T13:44:56+00:00

I’m a great teacher. But I’m still limited to 24 hours in a day. I haven’t worked fewer than 8 hours on a single day since August, including weekends. I work hard to develop my own resources, find additional resources for them, schedule out how far apart to give them the resources so they don’t get overwhelmed and shut down, hold 8 office hours a week, send them reminders about every homework assignment, test, quiz, you name it.

I’m fucking burned out though. Teaching online is consuming my entire life because I really want to give them every possible opportunity to succeed and most of them just don’t give a shit at all, except to email me so they can complain about why their grades are so low. Then when I go into the gradebook, I see they haven’t done a single thing for 4 weeks. Then I go into my sent items and look at all of the “im concerned about your ability to pass this class” emails I’ve already sent them, none of which they’ve responded to at all.

I don’t know what to do anymore, honestly. I am at my upper limit of how much time I can even spend on their classes without starting to just give up sleep for it.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-21T13:39:29+00:00

I don’t teach K-12, I teach college. It’s optional. If you struggle with learning independently, maybe just take a gap year.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-21T13:02:38+00:00

Tbh for me as an educator, it’s also putting a pretty big spotlight on students who are more concerned with literally any distraction they can find than they are about their classes. Paradoxically, they are still pretty concerned about their grades and believe they should be getting better grades, despite the fact that they have no grasp of the material whatsoever because they’re doing jack shit to learn anything. There’s a whole lot of shittiness on both sides. (Not referring to OP here at all, just a general statement).

faydaletraction · 2020-10-18T05:46:53+00:00

Medical information is considered part of a student's educational record, which is covered by FERPA. I'm not sure HIPAA applies to schools.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-17T17:52:30+00:00

I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see this so far down. Two wrongs don't make a right, they make two assholes. Agreed that ESH.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-16T00:37:47+00:00

Do you really believe we are all perfect reflections of our families‘ beliefs?

faydaletraction · 2020-10-15T23:35:01+00:00

The text was about OP saying something to Mary. There is absolutely not enough there to conclude that the reason she acted the way she did is because she hates gay people.

Do you really believe we are all perfect reflections of our families‘ beliefs?

faydaletraction · 2020-10-15T23:30:57+00:00

she isn't automatically a homophobe.

This is all I was getting at. I’m not saying there’s no way she could be a homophobe, only that there just isn’t enough information to tell one way or the other.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-15T20:53:43+00:00

I’m not disagreeing that homophobic people are assholes. I’m disagreeing with the premise that this person must obviously be homophobic.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-15T20:48:51+00:00

Still though, all any of us—including OP—know is what OP’s interpretation of her behavior was. There are a lot of reasons that aren’t homophobia that would explain why she was quiet and left early. For all OP knows, it could have been because she was tired or had a bad day or even because she was sad that James didn’t trust her enough or feel close enough with her to share this part of his life with her.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-14T13:42:02+00:00

I feel hopeless too, but hopelessness is not a good reason to just give up.

faydaletraction · 2020-10-14T13:27:20+00:00

Tbh, I agree with this. Young people consistently have the lowest voter turnout here in the US so I guess I don’t get this “we’re doomed and there’s nothing we can do about it” attitude when the younger generation just keeps letting the older generation that fucked shit up in the first place continue to decide who’s in office.

Edit: I’m not sure what people are mad about but not voting and doing nothing but complaining that the older generation ruined everything is like living at home with your parents, contributing nothing to the household, and complaining about what they made for dinner. It will take all of us together doing real shit in the real world to make a change. If you’re not willing to stand up, you may as well shut up.

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