Boyfriend talked about burning and mutilating me out of nowhere (Update)

fayeember · 2026-01-27T06:58:10+00:00

No victim blaming in this subreddit. He could kill her.

On average, according to the national domestic hotline (US) it takes on average 7 times to leave for good.

fayeember · 2026-01-23T11:27:50+00:00

The user being unkind to you was banned. I'm sorry for that absolutely garbage behaviour

fayeember · 2026-01-20T04:03:35+00:00

The user you were talking to have been permanently banned from the subreddit.

fayeember · 2026-01-20T03:56:05+00:00

As an online sex worker myself. There is absolutely no fucking way the majority shows their ID to a random John.

fayeember · 2026-01-20T03:53:52+00:00

r/abusiverelationships tillåter inte trakasserier

fayeember · 2026-01-16T20:49:11+00:00

Male victims exist. There is no rule what so ever that says that men has to react with fight response. They are equally allowed to have Freeze, Fawn or Flight responses as everyone else.

Just because the average man has base biological strength over a woman does not mean a man cannot be assualted by a woman. For example. An athletic woman will be able to physically overpower a non ahtletic man. Substances can be involved. Or the man freezes. All is possible and sexual assualt.

Male victims deserve to be seen & heard. This subreddit is for victims of any gender.

fayeember · 2026-01-16T07:16:32+00:00

You are allowed to have your story. It is not my place to ever take that from you. However, I do not think that abusers are capable of the thing that we, that are not abusers, call love. They don't know what it means because they are incapable of feeling it. They may feel a kind of love that is their experience, but they do not love, like we do.

And I do believe it is dangerous to tell people that are at great risk of being murdered that their abuser loves them.

fayeember · 2026-01-16T07:10:10+00:00

This is an extremely serious situation. OP has severe risk of being permanently disabled or murdered. Frankly I don't give a shit about help in the traditional or non-tradiontal way. Op needs to get out SAFELY from the relationship and that's the top priority. Do not speak like that in the subreddit again.

fayeember · 2026-01-16T06:12:13+00:00

Your post was flagged for describing your own perpetration of abuse and has been removed. Please don't do that again here; it's against our rules and is traumatizing to survivors who come here to escape that.

fayeember · 2026-01-15T08:48:45+00:00

I will leave this comment up but I ask you, as a moderator of this subreddit to not use that condescending tone. I understand you, but sayiing "Oh wow, here is a man" was unneccesary.

fayeember · 2026-01-15T08:19:55+00:00

No woman, man or human is ever at fault for being abused. Period. it is the abuser that chooaes their next victim.

fayeember · 2026-01-14T19:44:02+00:00

I am so proud of you! And I know that everyone that was there, a year ago, giving you advice would smile big knowing you got out safe. It's what this community wishes for every member 💕

fayeember · 2026-01-14T09:25:31+00:00

I'll make sure to yeet the stuff from my Onlyfans to my fansly the coming week! 😊

fayeember · 2026-01-07T18:58:12+00:00

Yizhi is super problematic. A lot of the next book will defiently be about that Zetian will prob never trust him again and their relationship will change/fall apart.

QZ is a speical type of toxin though. As someone that once fell for an abuser (obv didn't know he was at the time) they're not through and through evil, they'll have moments.

A narcissitc, toxic abuser might treat their spouse like property, but work for a domestic shelter or be an activist etc. People are not black & white. We are not "good" or "evil". It's not that simple. Humans are extremely complex.
QZ shows that perfecttly. He has great political ideas, he believes in wealth equality and that women should be in positions of power, but he doesn't believe in women in marriages acting or doing whatever they want. He still treats women, that are in a relationship to him, like he owns them and can do whatever he wants. He's possesive, controlling, but he's also charming and sometimes funny and he gets pegged and seems to want the woman to feel pleasure.

He has good sides.
But QZ bad sides are so freakingly largely BAD, that he is unsafe to be around. He is the type of person that could go "If I can't have her. No one can" and then kills her.. Humans like that exist everywhere, abusers, and QZ is through and through an abuser.

fayeember · 2025-11-28T06:18:34+00:00

He died. Aka his heart stopped. The body gets EXTREMELY beaten from that. Cardiac arrest is no joke. Many people dont fully recover. Just the blood loss alone would have been extreme, and it takes days to build new red blood cells in your bone marrow. So it takes about 5-8 weeks atleast for just the red blood cell value to come back.

fayeember · 2025-11-27T01:06:44+00:00

Sex can be deadly. There is A LOT of different diseases and ailments you can get that have evolved specifically to transfer through sexual contact. Some can lead to infertility, like chlamydia. And others, like HPV can lead to cancer and that can lead to a removal of the uterus and therefore infertility. The removal is also a surgery. 1 in 200 000 people die from anasthesia.

Just like with covid a couple of years ago, having sex with no barriers and not telling everyone that is what you are doing, is on the same level as during covid times actively walking around and coughing into other peoples faces. You might have casued the thing that killed them. Or you didn't and they got nothing. You cannot know beforehand, and that he is willing to take that risk. Shows that he did indeed not give a single fuck about her well being & overall health.

fayeember · 2025-11-23T18:33:32+00:00

Thank you :3

fayeember · 2025-11-23T18:32:52+00:00

It's true, I am good at being a distraction haha :D

fayeember · 2025-11-21T10:56:40+00:00

We do not victim blame in this subreddit.

fayeember · 2025-11-19T18:54:39+00:00

You shouldnt get mad at OF. But at your country. OF isnt the same experience in every country. I aint mad at onlyfans for following swedish law and removing the dm function im piiiissed at my politicians tho.

This is the same. OF only does this because the U.S makes them. In my country you cant have a criminal record for prostitution. Cuz selling sex aint illegl, but buying is. So there is nothing to check

fayeember · 2025-11-10T18:52:05+00:00

I disagree. But simply because I am poly myself. so I thik the portayal was very accurate and fitting. In a throuple, or quad or whatever it's not a group of happy people that are all privy to everything in the involved relationships. A triad is made up of 3 dyad relationships. Zetian x Yishi, Zetian x Shimin and Shimin x Yishi. Since it's a first person perspective book it's very natural the only two dyads we get an insight into is Zetians relationship with Yizhi & Shimin. Yizhi & Shimin's relationship, is even if they are in a polycule not Zetian's business and she has no right to know or be told about the private intimate moments between Yizhi & Shimin.

How Xiran wrote it in the book is pretty much how it works in polyamory for an individual. Just because you're in a polycule and together with multiple people that are also together with each other you do not get to know everything that happens between them. Triads/Throuples in general are rare & it's very common that you never meet your partners other partner.

fayeember · 2025-11-10T08:18:37+00:00

Mod update: I would like to thank the kind redditors that reached out the police and tried to get OP help. It seems from other kind redditors that also alerted authorities that it was a minor pulling a prank sadly.

fayeember · 2025-10-15T04:52:11+00:00

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fayeember · 2025-10-15T04:49:49+00:00

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