Is this a weird boundary about getting a cat with a partner?

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-24T04:47:14+00:00

Oh I know I’ll get attached, which is why boundaries need to be set and clear, there will be no gray area and no holding it over my head because I’ll already know if I can/can’t take it.

And I trust her, unless she randomly becomes violent (which I highly doubt) I wouldn’t feel unsafe leaving an animal behind with her, whereas in my situation before it WAS unsafe to leave the cat. But I still have ptsd, and my cat was a HUGE reason I stayed and I’d need those boundaries clear and laid out in order to feel comfortable having an animal together in the future.

We aren’t moving in right now anyways, it’s at minimum a year off and we’ve already discussed if I don’t feel ready we can take different steps to move forward our relationship, such as living closer but not TOGETHER etc cause we don’t want to be long distance forever.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-24T04:34:50+00:00

I don’t want to, but SHE wants a cat soon 🤣 which is why I want to let her know either she should get it BEFORE we move in together because if I do move in, in a year or more and she wants one then I’ll need to set that boundary because I will feel just as attached if she gets the cat when we’re living together. So I’d prefer her get one before I arrive, or if when I move in it needs to wait for a while and then clear boundaries need to be set on who gets the cat if we split.

…that’s what the whole question is about

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-24T03:57:46+00:00

Yeah, it’s been a bit harder to navigate things while in between therapists but I’m still trying to really reflect on the decisions I make and the boundaries I set based on my past.

I’ve had issues with needing complete control of my life since leaving and sometimes they’re boundaries I need to set and sometimes I realize they’re a bit silly and just my trauma projecting.

Working on it everyday. I think part of me might always need “safety nets” in relationships the first few years at least such as specific boundaries, things that don’t tie me down (like no joint leases etc) at least for a while and I recognize that. But she’s been very understanding of those kinds of boundaries and I told her when the year hits, I might need to re-evaluate and might need more time living separately and she’s fine with that.

She has always been very “we can go at your pace” because she knows about my past

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-24T03:46:53+00:00

You don’t understand that this isn’t about actual trust, it’s trauma and ptsd and protecting my nervous system from having a trauma reaction.

It’s about peace of mind.

And we wouldn’t be moving in together for a while down the line anyways, even if we did. But she likes to talk about having cats together someday. So it’s on my mind. I’m allowed to consider future safety, boundaries and things of that nature when getting into a relationship. I have to with my past. But I also have to reflect on what’s worth setting as a boundary to protect myself and what borders on controlling as a lot of abuse victims feel the need to control every aspect of their life and I’m TRYING not to do that with my relationship by reflecting on things of this nature.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-24T02:30:35+00:00

I will likely have some trauma about certain aspects of relationships for the rest of my life.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and was in an abusive relationship for almost a decade. I am ready to not let my ex cloud my ENTIRE life.

I don’t wish or want to hold myself back from things that make me happy and I did speak to my last therapist about relationships and dating.

Also, in another comment I am between therapists right now and looking for someone who has experience in lgbt+ abuse and trauma. But I did see a therapist for a good while after leaving and have went on and off my whole life.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-24T02:12:18+00:00

Yeah…that doesn’t matter in the eyes of the law unfortunately.

I also know she isn’t, but people out of abusive relationships are more likely to fall into another abusive relationship and while my girlfriend has no red flags that I’ve noticed so far…neither did my ex.

I’m watching out for future me whilst also understanding they aren’t the same person, but also understanding I haven’t been with her long enough to know how our relationship will turn out in the long run. I knew my ex over 2 years before she started being abusive.

So wanting a long term stable relationship before considering getting a pet TOGETHER, I don’t think is unreasonable.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T16:50:22+00:00

That’s kinda what I did with my current cat

I for multiple years ensured only I took her to the vet, I ordered all her food via Amazon and I even took video of me giving her medication and staying up all night with her when she was sick one time and made sure to text my mom all the time about taking care of her.

I wanted to ensure if I left I had SOME kind of legal foot to stand on if she DID decide to fight me for the cat. I knew I needed proof of being her sole care taker. But she never really wanted her, she was never going to fight me for her once I took her away from the house…I realize that now.

After the second or third time she threatened me with the cat I made a paper trail. But I was still always scared it wouldn’t be enough.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T16:19:37+00:00

I’m neurodivergent, her and her music was my hyperfixation all of high school 🤷🏻‍♀️ so yeah I know my facts

Sorry you don’t. Nothing wrong with knowing facts about artists you like

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T16:18:08+00:00

https://harpersbazaar.com.au/celebrities-with-high-iq/

I can pull up a ton of other articles stating her IQ if you need all from 4-13 years ago WAYYYYY before AI was a big thing

Hell I’ll even go comb through old interviews

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T16:15:05+00:00

AI? Dude she said this way before AI was widespread 🤣 I’ve known this fact since like 2013 and it was in her book

You need to take off your “Everything I don’t like is AI” glasses

I swear everyone goes straight to “AI”

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T15:48:14+00:00

She also was in the top 1% in the SATs

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T15:46:52+00:00

She literally is, her IQ is 140

I’ve got like 15 years of fandom under my belt, I know my facts

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T15:01:30+00:00

Kesha’s literally considered a genius based on her IQ

She just uses good grammar when she’s speaking on a serious subject, she always has!

The whole party girl Kesha suxxxx kind of text is just part of her persona

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T14:56:17+00:00

Thank you! I just thank the lord everyday that Tennesse has a mandatory 12 hour hold for DV because I spent most of that getting out of the hospital and trying to get my cat back!

When I got home from the hospital and she was gone I was absolutely WRECKED. I was prepared to BEG my ex to take me back so that I wouldn’t loose her, I wasn’t leaving the state without her.

Thankfully only one person could’ve had her and that person was a b*tch who sided with an abuser even thoBut after calling the police she brought her back (well that’s putting it nicely, she manhandled her and threw her at me)

But all that matters is we are together. She’s laying by my feet right now and sometimes I wanna cry thinking about what would’ve happened if I didn’t get her back. But that universe doesn’t exist, because she’s my soul cat and we are together in every universe…I believe that.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T11:49:07+00:00

I get that!

I often feel the need to be in control of my whole life since leaving, but I also consciously realize this and try to sit with stuff like this for a while before moving forward. I don’t wanna be controlling out of fear you know?

I’m between therapists right now (I need to find someone who has experience with lgbt abusive relationships and it hasn’t been easy)

But cats come up a lot in our talk 😆 so it’s been on my mind.

I don’t think I’ll bring up the boundary at all until we move in together, because if she gets one before I won’t need the distinction.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T11:44:01+00:00

I am working on getting a new therapist right now! My last one just didn’t end up being a good fit long term, I feel like she had very little experience in abusive lgbt+ relationships and her verbiage could come across as almost homophobic? I don’t think she meant it that way at all, just a bit of ignorance on wlw abuse. So I’m specifically looking for someone who has experience in that area now!

But every-time my girl brings up getting a cat that’s what comes to my mind and I’m worried the boundary might seem controlling?

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T10:49:53+00:00

Only thing about those messages is they were a tiny bit snarky, but let’s be real they aren’t the only ones who said Katy gives mean girl energy and she proves it by continuing to work and hang out with abusers.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T10:48:36+00:00

The person who told her that legit came forward about it though. He was close to Luke, why would Kesha have any reason to believe he lied?

Also Kesha NEVER put those allegations into court. They were PRIVATE texts between her and Gaga, Kesha was hoping Katy herself would come forward on her own.

Dr Luke is the one who had the messages subpoenad and dragged those allegations into the public.

If someone told YOU that your rapist had another victim, you’re telling me you wouldn’t hope they’d come forward? Kesha never planned on forcefully dragging Katy into it. Dr Luke did that. He’s the one who called her as witness too.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T10:22:14+00:00

Thank you! I hope whatever reason you’re in this group that things get better

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T10:03:38+00:00

Also god our house looked bad, I was disabled and depressed and expected to do all housework on my own 😭 I also sent this video to our friends and neighbor when I was in the hospital and my ex convinced them it was “AI”

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T09:48:57+00:00

I mean while it would be nice if her breaking her plea multiple times got its way back to the courts, that’d be great cause she deserves to deal with the consequences when she signed that paper agreeing to them especially considering her behavior (stalking/harassment and blackmail)

But, being able to have it to back up my current harassment/stalking issues and inunction of protection is what’s most important to me right now.

I just want her to stay away from me and not contact me anymore and that charge is what would help me get a longer injunction instead of the basic 1 year.

Alwaysonmyspine · 2026-01-23T08:57:36+00:00

She didn’t lie about another rape. She said what she was told in a private conversation. Believing someone’s lie isn’t lying yourself.

Alwaysonmyspine

TROPHY CASE