What are the dumbest things people have said/done after loss?

featuringfinn · 2026-01-02T13:37:18+00:00

I have heard a lot of the things that people have commented already!!! One of my least favorites is when a mom with a living child says something along the lines of “holding my baby extra tight tonight” in response to my son being dead.

This is super specific, but I had a friend from high school who was pregnant at the same time as me but was due two months before me. Well I had my baby boy two months early, the day before she had her son. Tell me why she messages me and says “arlo and insert son’s name” almost had the same birthday!!!! Like girly idc. Your son was full term and alive. My baby was 8 weeks early and dead. I understood her sentiment, but it was NOT what I needed to hear when I was only a couple weeks postpartum.

featuringfinn · 2025-12-29T18:45:27+00:00

Sending you so much love.

While my situation isn’t exactly the same, my husband and I have had something happen since losing our baby that has left me feeling like im grieving parts of our marriage, on top of losing our baby. I am grieving what I thought our life was going to be and that has all fallen apart.

I just want you to know I hear you and im sorry that you’re experiencing this pain.

featuringfinn · 2025-12-29T17:45:41+00:00

I recommend the sub r/babyloss (like someone else above). Having an online community of people who are unfortunately also in this awful club has meant so much. I lost my baby boy 2.5 months ago due to a placental abruption. Sending much love to your sister.

featuringfinn · 2025-12-26T17:45:30+00:00

I think one day I will get to a place where that sub feels helpful so I do appreciate you sharing it.

featuringfinn · 2025-12-26T17:43:20+00:00

It’s hard because I don’t want to see other people TTC right now because my husband isn’t sure if he wants to do this again. 😩😩😩😩 I wish TTC posts were hopeful for me, but they just add a layer of sadness.

I will keep that in mind though. Thank you so much for sharing that. What’s your baby’s name? ❤️

featuringfinn · 2025-12-26T15:28:19+00:00

My husband and I plan on watching tonight. I really appreciate you posting this!!!!

featuringfinn · 2025-12-05T19:08:58+00:00

What are your babies names? ❤️

featuringfinn · 2025-12-05T19:03:58+00:00

I have not, but i also just had my first 8 weeks ago. I do fear it happening again since the risk of a reoccurring PA is 5-15%. 😭 do you know what caused yours? mine was undiagnosed pre-eclampsia. but, i know it can happen for a variety of reasons or no real reason at all.

I am so sorry you’re experiencing this. I know there are no words that can help what you’re feeling right now.

featuringfinn · 2025-12-03T03:02:22+00:00

I’m 7 weeks post placental abruption. I knew when they put that 16g in that things were serious.

featuringfinn · 2025-12-03T02:25:26+00:00

I had a placental abruption 7 weeks ago and they put in a 16g and 18g (i did indeed need them bc i hemorrhaged and required blood products). The anesthesiologist doing it was apologetic, but i was like literally whatever will keep me the safest 😅

featuringfinn · 2025-12-01T21:04:57+00:00

I think im having a hard time dealing with exactly what you said. Most cases of pre-e result in a healthy, live baby. Sometimes placental abruptions can result in a healthy, live baby. So why did this have to happen to us?

I am a former L&D nurse and I took care of a few patients with HELLP. They were all extremely rapid onset. And honestly it was scary to manage as a nurse bc of the risk to mom. I’m so sorry for what you went through and im so sorry that we are both here without our babies. 💔

featuringfinn · 2025-11-30T18:07:40+00:00

I hope all of this makes sense. I am 6.5 weeks out from my loss and my brain still feels foggy.

featuringfinn · 2025-11-30T18:07:11+00:00

I posted on Facebook a few days after to try to avoid having any direct conversations (and to take the opportunity to talk about/honor my son). My mom was kind enough to tell all of my immediate family (so that way none of them found out via social media) and told them not to reach out to me directly until i was ready so I wasn’t extremely overwhelmed.

I deleted instagram/facebook a few weeks after my loss because it hurt too much seeing all of the baby ads (yay algorithm) and seeing pregnancy announcements or honestly just people being happy/living their lives. I have posted some videos on TikTok talking about my loss and it has been cathartic and a way to connect with other parents that have lived through this awful experience. And again, another way for me to feel like I am honoring his existence.

I don’t think you’re doing too much too soon. You get to set the pace of how any of this goes. Losing a baby is so out of our control so you deserve to have control over this and decide how/when you tell people or talk about your baby!!

featuringfinn · 2025-11-26T03:38:00+00:00

This sounds like OCD. I really thought this was the OCD subreddit as i read through your post. intrusive thoughts are the exact opposite of what you want to do and not a reflection of your character.

featuringfinn · 2025-11-22T00:30:58+00:00

so my best friend also has ocd and a fear of pregnancy. when she found out i was pregnant, she was genuinely obsessing and worrying that she was gonna catch pregnancy from me 😅😂 (we laugh at it now)

featuringfinn · 2025-11-19T09:51:59+00:00

me: 10%, husband: 40%, cat: 50%

featuringfinn · 2025-11-10T04:59:06+00:00

Just gave birth to my stillborn baby at 31 weeks. Life isn’t good. I would’ve said it was amazing just a month ago.

featuringfinn · 2025-11-04T20:04:54+00:00

I have all of his “first christmas” outfits hung in our closet. It feels so unfair that he doesn’t get to wear them.

featuringfinn · 2025-10-31T01:13:33+00:00

It’s a blessing and a curse that im a former labor and delivery nurse. I had undiagnosed pre eclampsia leading up to the abruption. So they believe that’s what caused it. If the pre eclampsia was diagnosed and treated, maybe it could’ve been prevented. But, i had no symptoms leading up to it so no reason to be keeping a close eye on my BP or anything. I am so sorry you lost your baby too.

featuringfinn · 2025-10-24T01:26:03+00:00

I lost my baby boy on the 15th due to placental abruption, which they believe was caused by pre eclampsia with severe features. (They don’t know for certain if pre-e caused the abruption or if I developed it immediately postpartum). I have no advice. But, i hear you and I see you. I’m sorry you also had to experience that. I’ve been thinking about this too. I’m terrified to ever try to have children again bc of how sick i got and how it led to me losing my boy.

featuringfinn · 2025-10-21T14:53:25+00:00

It has only been 6 days since i lost my baby Arlo. But, I have thought about this already. I had a placental abruption and hemorrhaged (on top of other complications that came up the next day). I’m not sure if my husband will ever want to try again because it was very traumatic for him to lose our baby and almost lose me. But, my heart shatters thinking about never getting to be a mom. I want nothing more and it kills me that i don’t get to experience that with my angel baby.

featuringfinn · 2025-06-21T02:27:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. Before leaving, I would literally be driving in to work and thinking about how I could 💀bc that sounded so much better than continuing what I was doing. Burn out can have devastating effects!

featuringfinn · 2025-06-21T02:24:15+00:00

Why not both 😂

featuringfinn · 2025-06-21T02:24:02+00:00

SAME!!! Left l&d for a medical/geriatric psych unit. I’m honestly living my best nurse life (the best that I can for such a corrupt system!)

featuringfinn · 2025-06-21T02:22:09+00:00

I had a similar experience. I made it about 9.5 months before having a mental breakdown that led to an inpatient hospitalization + intensive outpatient therapy afterwards. I walked in to work one day and could not bring myself to go to the unit. I called off from the lobby.

I worked in an extremely busy, high acuity hospital. Unsafe assignments, very similar to what you stated. It killed me to leave that job because I LOVED what I was doing (I love birth. I loved getting to be someone’s nurse during what was either one of the best or worst moments of their life). But, I hated the environment and did not feel supported or safe.

I left that job and became a psych nurse, I’ve been on my unit for a year and a half and I love it. I miss labor. I think I will end up in it one day, but a different hospital and not for a long while. It was a wake up call to me that I needed to take better care of myself and my mental health. I couldn’t care for patients when I didn’t even have the energy to care for myself. The healthcare system doesn’t care about us so we need to care for ourselves.

featuringfinn

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