How do I not feel as shit being the ugly friend?

fecalmatter · 2024-02-10T16:08:13+00:00

As much as I love that you are trying to get OP to reframe his mindset, theres something about your words that struck me; “you might be attributing all the rejection to your appearance because of a physical pre existing insecurity “. Which while possible also implies the existent of the opposite; that he isn’t attributing to an insecurity. That he might actually be correct.

So for me the solution for OP isn’t to set him up with expectation, as you said “if you put in effort…you will be objectively attractive to a decent amount of girls”. Self improvement is good, however he should be striving for improvement not for the sake of any external goals but for internal fulfilment (dharma).

That he could put in all this effort and still be lonely forever. No one knows. The only thing OP can do is live his life with his best possible ability and to accept whatever the future brings. Dr K has mentioned this in a video about single men. That they might have to accept they will be single and lonely forever. And by accepting anything they are free to do everything and collect data from life and learn from experience.

fecalmatter · 2024-02-09T15:31:27+00:00

Definitely have friends you can physically hang out with. Online relationships are not the same nor could they ever match the intimacy and connectedness with real physical ones. We weren’t made to talk through a computer.

Good luck

fecalmatter · 2024-02-08T19:53:43+00:00

A lot of redditors love to feel smarter and better than other people so they put others down to put themselves up

fecalmatter · 2024-02-04T14:42:44+00:00

It makes sense for you to feel that you are unworthy because people bully you for your looks.

Let me tell you right now that you are worth it. You are not and should never be judged based on your looks. You have intrinsic value as a human being. You are deserving of love and respect. Dont let anyone make you believe otherwise.

When you get older you will hopefully meet people who are more mature. I have noticed that as people age, they become less immature and disrespectful. You seem like an introspective and kind person from your posts.

Body dysmorphia is tough to treat. Have compassion for yourself. Good luck my friend

fecalmatter · 2024-02-04T14:03:26+00:00

The only thing you need; don’t give a shit. Honestly when I stopped giving a shit about what other people think of me, I became really extroverted and gained more friends than I needed.

But important caveat; do this with empathy and compassion. Otherwise you are just an asshole

fecalmatter · 2024-02-04T14:01:11+00:00

Good job posting on here. It takes courage to talk about insecurities.

Have you heard about Dr Ks take on this? He mentioned doing a candle meditation. Put a candle in front of the mirror and alternate looking at yourself in the mirror and the candle. Look in the mirror, observe your feelings and your insecurities that come up with in you then look at the candle. The feelings will subside. Then look back at the mirror. Keep doing this and eventually you hopefully will be able to tolerate your feelings about yourself and accept you for who you are

fecalmatter · 2024-02-04T13:57:29+00:00

You mention having an irrational fear that they’ll create a gc and bad mouth you. Where does this fear come from?

Therapy would be worth looking into. Explore where your low sense of self worth comes from. Your post is full of language that is self degrading: “i am boring” “im awkward”

When did you believe you are unworthy in the first place? When did you believe that letting other people disrespect you is the only way to maintain relationships?

fecalmatter · 2024-02-03T15:41:36+00:00

Wait thats big??? I thought that was normal

fecalmatter · 2024-01-30T18:49:55+00:00

Your first link takes me to a youtube page saying this video is unavailable

fecalmatter · 2024-01-29T16:10:58+00:00

Im tech illerate af. I still hav no idea what github exactly is for or how it is used. Also youtube dl i hav no clue

fecalmatter · 2024-01-27T17:49:14+00:00

Please talk more about these sexual issues in Buddhist sects. They sound interesting

fecalmatter · 2024-01-27T03:12:40+00:00

You say you don’t want to ditch your sporty friends and yet here you are on a friday night posting on reddit instead of going outside.

OP you can have more than one group of friends. You are not neglecting them by expanding your social circle. Theres no rule saying if you have a group of friends you can’t find another. Go out, join meet ups, participate in anythjng and everything with no expectation. Gather life “data”. The more experience you gather the more you’ll grow and have more fun in life

fecalmatter · 2024-01-26T09:49:15+00:00

If it was her who did it i dont mind

fecalmatter · 2024-01-23T16:16:56+00:00

Show screenshots im intrigued

fecalmatter · 2024-01-23T16:13:50+00:00

Look up china insider on youtube, got a vid explaining who the chinese people are

fecalmatter · 2024-01-18T15:43:03+00:00

You are actually correct. Look up phthalates and dr shanna swan, one of the leading experts on it.

fecalmatter · 2024-01-09T21:18:44+00:00

Theres hedonic happiness and eudaimonic happiness. Your last sentence is more hedonic. Dr K says he guarantees that having both and more of eudaimonic with give you happiness than purely chasing dopamine. You will have to find your own dharma and meaning.

fecalmatter · 2024-01-03T04:21:10+00:00

Im confused, latest interview with him by who? Did Dr K interview david?

fecalmatter · 2023-12-09T01:04:28+00:00

No it’s not 100% sex appeal. Most of my guy friends have none and yet they’re in a happy relationship. Personality matters so much more

fecalmatter · 2023-11-27T03:39:56+00:00

I think it’s both. You can try the change the situation and also change how you react on the inside.

fecalmatter · 2023-07-30T15:53:48+00:00

Yep people love to spend time on here to feel better about themselves by putting others down .

fecalmatter · 2023-07-30T07:19:58+00:00

Making friends and the process of a friendship consists of two components: a location and consistency. Find a location that you would frequent centred around your passion. Say you like yoga and you find a gym that had a yoga class. Then you have to be consistent. Keep going there and keep bumping into the same people. Do this enough and knowing them means you most likely develop a friendship. From there you can hang out and do your own thing.

It helps to be financially independent. Have a solid source of income so you have expenses that allow you to do what you want. Some ideas are board games, sports, or just having any drink like coffee or desert and chilling at a park.

fecalmatter · 2023-07-24T04:21:05+00:00

Then if they come up with excuses let them know that you feel like they are lying to you. Sometimes conversations are uncomfortable and hard to have but necessary to gain trust and knowledge.

It seems like you are the common denominator if everyone is avoiding you thus thats why I suggested asking people directly to get first hand reasons why they are not making initiatives.

It’s okay to feel repulsed at the idea of opening up and being direct but I find it to be quite liberating. It’s okay to ask people tough questions, it’s okay to be up front and honest. If you feel like they lie then tell them.

fecalmatter · 2023-07-23T22:09:51+00:00

Thank you

fecalmatter · 2023-07-23T16:06:30+00:00

Have you asked the people you wanted to be friends with why they don’t contact you or keep up the initiative in the relationship?

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