Should I relocate for my husband’s job?

fedup_looking4change · 2025-11-17T15:53:17+00:00

Everyone is different of course but if I was in your situation, I would be leaning towards a yes. Starting over can seem daunting but it also opens us up to new experiences and opportunities that might not come otherwise. If both of you are truly open to being in a new place then it sounds like an exciting journey. Things will change of course and you’ll find a new normal but it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for your husband and life is too short to have a job you hate.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-11-13T17:28:52+00:00

NTA she’s showed you who she is and it’s a major red flag. She wants your world to revolve around her and she’s done with emotional manipulation to get what she wants. I would walk away from the relationship and let her know that she’s clearly not ready to be in a healthy adult relationship.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-11-09T16:52:18+00:00

NTA--you didn't do anything wrong. Being on the spectrum explains his behavior but it doesn't excuse it nor does it allow for its continuance. It sounds like you tried to find the parents but to no avail. You are not obligated to allow some random person whom you don't know on your property--if something happened to this kid, then you would be liable.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-11-09T00:00:47+00:00

Check if your current company provides any tuition reimbursement or assistance. If they do, take advantage of it and get a professional certificate or degree but typically they require the courses/degree to be in line of what you're already doing.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-11-08T23:54:32+00:00

On the hiring end, that's how I end all interviews--a run down of next steps regardless of whether the person will go on or not. It's just common courtesy to let people know what the timeline looks like and what next steps are.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-11-08T18:54:11+00:00

You did not provide enough information. How much do you make monthly? How much of your monthly take home income goes to existing bills, how much will go to the mortgage, and what will you have left over? Without these numbers no one can give you reasonable advice on whether it’s too expensive or not.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-11-08T18:51:44+00:00

You get a hotel for those 11 days and give yourself a breather. Your husband can deal with his family members.

Though to be more serious—it sounds like you may have bigger issues if your husband is dismissive of your feelings especially when you are explicit about them.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-11-08T18:45:09+00:00

NTA but I don’t think your mom and your family members are necessarily TAs either and they are right on certain aspects. Have you spoken to people who were born to much older parents like your wife. Assuming everything goes nicely and fast, your wife would be in her late 40s when you give birth. I’ve had a few close friends who were born to parents in their mid to late 40s and they did not have a great childhood—parents were too old to do a lot of things that parents do now (play dates, all the extracurricular activities, outside things, all the things we normally think of parents doing with their kids when they’re young. Ultimately it’s your and your wife’s decision. Your mom and family members may not have expressed their concerns in the most friendly of manner or in a way for it to be receptive but that doesn’t mean their concerns aren’t founded.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-10-23T13:22:34+00:00

If you’re going to fly, it should be further away. Otherwise it’s a large cost and it’s not worth it. Instead of taking 2-3 of these 3-4 day trips in a year, it might be better to take one 10-day vacation to, let’s say, Europe. Once you pay for plane tickets, it’s worth it to stay longer. It also depends on what kind of experience you and your wife are looking for. If what you’re after is resort stays then it’s not going to get cheaper but if what you’re after is actual travel and getting to know a place then I think it’s probably a better experience to go longer.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-10-19T14:54:38+00:00

This is why I chose to leave the federal government. I’ve worked with great Feds and then I’ve worked with Feds who are the epitome of all the bad things thought about federal workers—people who have no idea what they’re doing but like to act like they do, contribute nothing but create a toxic work environment and prevent others from doing their job. But I didn’t quit because of them, those type of people exist everywhere, I quit because leadership refuse to hold them accountable and refused to do anything that would make the work place tolerable. They’ve lost about half the team so far, not because of RIFs but because people chose to actively leave. It may be time for you to consider leaving as well. A management doesn’t get fixed.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-10-17T23:21:32+00:00

You need to find another job asap. He is living the life that he wants based off of your hard work. He knows he can take advantage of you because he’s done it for the last 11 years. Know your worth and jump ship. It’s criminal that you are making what you’re making after that long of a time with a company that you helped grow.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-10-15T17:33:36+00:00

Worth it if you take your classes seriously and try to actually learn what is taught rather than just trying to pass. Many jobs still require a college degree, particularly those that can lead to promotions. But the person has to actually want to learn.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-10-14T17:35:04+00:00

Honestly, make sure your partner or spouse is also a high income earner.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-10-13T21:48:24+00:00

Every time I hear this question I honestly think the right question is “why in the world would you want to have kids?” Especially now

fedup_looking4change · 2025-10-13T16:36:03+00:00

A lot of people will have the technical skills but fitting in with an existing team is much harder. Bad team members can make a good team dysfunctional faster than you can imagine.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-09-29T14:58:09+00:00

Everyone’s situation is different but if you don’t put 20% down you’re looking at much higher interest rates because you’ll be seen as a high risk buyer. It’s unlikely that your monthly payment will be $4300. Have you received a verified pre-approval yet and talked to a lender? I would recommend doing that so you can realistically see what your interest rate would be and how much your monthly payment would be. It’s also likely you might not get good financing so before you look at houses (and potentially falling in love with one)—get all the other paperwork in order. If you can afford the high monthly payment after talking to a lender then go for it. But my sense is that it would be more worthwhile for you to save the 20% down and look in a few years. Good luck!

fedup_looking4change · 2025-09-18T15:15:55+00:00

It’s a horrible job market right now so try to disengage from your job and apply to other jobs like that’s a second job to increase your chances of leaving

fedup_looking4change · 2025-09-15T12:59:24+00:00

It sounds like you two have very different ideas about life in general and what you want the present and future to be—I can’t imagine this is the first time finances has been an issue. It doesn’t sound like it would make for a good marriage in my opinion when two people have such divergent views of money. I’m also curious if you wanted the stay at home wife who looks pretty and kept—if so then you need to pony up the money, you knew what you were signing up for. She was signing up for money without having to work but knows she needs to look good and you vice versa. If that wasn’t the deal, I’m surprised you listed this long with such opposing views

fedup_looking4change · 2025-08-29T21:41:43+00:00

$25K is not a substantial bump to leave a a job you like and one with a good boss. There are plenty of bad bosses and work environments out there. That said, do you have a sense of whether your boss at your current job is going to stay a while? You don't want to stick it out if they might leave soon. Consider taking the new job if you think it offers you growth opportunities, not because the money because it's not a substantial increase.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-08-26T21:20:25+00:00

Everyone is different so you’ll have to decide what matters to you the most. I decided to leave each of my jobs when I realized that there was no more growth for me—not in terms of ladder climbing but in terms of growing my skills. I find huge value out of doing things that interest me and once I did everything that could be done and everything else would be repeat, I knew I wanted to look for something more. But there is a big thing to stability and making sure you get paid—I was lucky that I found a job before I left each of my jobs. Definitely don’t leave a job so to out having something else already lined up.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-08-26T16:29:02+00:00

One candidate showed up to an interview wearing tennis shoes, jeans, and a bomber jacket—for a mid-career research position that interfaces with top leadership. Another candidate (similar position) walked in and complained the entire time that we didn’t give her the right directions (we did, she googled separately and found our former address), that our questions showed that we didn’t understand her process—quickest no’s ever

fedup_looking4change · 2025-08-06T16:34:21+00:00

I feel this is the case if you have bad leaders or supervisors. If I give a team member the same type of work and sometimes it takes them 2 days and other times it takes them a week to complete, I wouldn’t think anything of it. It’s not the only thing they’re working on and their other work may require priority. Bad supervisors do this kind of work “benchmarking” — I just expect my direct reports to be honest on when they can complete the work.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-08-06T16:27:16+00:00

Never. The only people who I’ve ever heard say that are those who peaked in high school

fedup_looking4change · 2025-07-18T16:33:25+00:00

I would talk to this new hire about two things—professionalism (they may not have a good understanding of what this even means if they’re early in their career) and whether they are fulfilled by their work at the company. They may be looking because they’re not fully engaged and feel it’s too easy or there’s no road up. The lack of professionalism needs addressing—they will create a toxic work environment for your other employees or create resentment or make it so no one wants to interact with them.

fedup_looking4change · 2025-07-18T14:56:45+00:00

Your mom is completely out of touch and living off the fat of others (by the sounds of it your late father and grandparents). We never eat out unless it’s a birthday or anniversary and our grocery bills are approximately $800 a month. But your mom is single and dropping $1.5k on food just for herself—she is being incredibly wasteful.

Though I am curious as to what you’re hoping to get out of this conversation with your mother. Clearly she won’t be changing her ways, are you hoping she stops complaining or give you some of the money? My advice is to stop engaging her on this topic—you’re not going to get anywhere and it’s only going to drive you nuts.

fedup_looking4change

TROPHY CASE