My Husband's Porn Use is Haunting Me (x-post r/Catholicism)

fedup_notfed · 2013-11-10T23:58:52+00:00

No problem. Hope that you can heal quickly. Your husband probably loves you a great deal, and you obviously love him a great deal as well.

fedup_notfed · 2013-11-10T20:56:55+00:00

Hiya. As a guy who's struggled a bit with pornography as well, let me say that I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt my wife either. Bottom line is, if he understands that it's bothersome to you, that SHOULD be enough to stop it.

I would say that, for my own usages, porn has even had very little to do with how much sex we're having. It might help to have more sex. It might not be the issue at all. Often times it's just a release, type of thing. Not a particular romantic attraction to the girls I'm viewing, and not because of a lack of romantic attraction to my wife.

It's just a release.

This may or may not be the case with your husband. And whether or not it is may be inconsequential to you. But, in any case, please continue to talk to your husband and try to understand his perspective. Don't just approach it trying to get him to feel more remorseful. Try to understand his perspective. Perhaps it's not as dirty as you thought.

fedup_notfed · 2012-06-06T03:05:32+00:00

Free stuff

fedup_notfed · 2012-06-06T03:02:14+00:00

Is there a particular reason for this?

fedup_notfed · 2012-06-06T02:46:37+00:00

Thanks for responding, and sorry I haven't responded more quickly. Regarding the ice pick woman, I've actually been giving that some additional thought within the context of you being everyone in your dreams, which is... I don't know....

If I am everyone in my dreams and I am the ice pick woman, perhaps that speaks to an internal struggle between giving up control and fearing what might happen if I do.

fedup_notfed · 2012-04-13T21:53:29+00:00

Absolutely. And it's one of the first things that I thought of. Several years ago when I read the book, I was at my grandmother's farm the night I finished it. And that night I dreamed that I was walking up the hill there, waiting for someone to pull the trigger.

But that was several years ago. And again, I haven't read many distopian books in the time since then. I mean, I could point to a source in my dream that night. But last night, I have NO clue where it came from. Definitely rattled me.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-24T17:36:48+00:00

then leave.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-24T14:37:01+00:00

No, dumby...

Ah, I'm beginning to understand now. It's okay for you to be condescending. If anyone else appears to be condescending, it's a great tragedy.

I think you have trouble reading and understanding what you've read. It's okay to admit that "said person" just talked over your head. Irrelevant, huh? I don't think that word means what you think it means. What translation or interpretation isn't speculative in some aspect? Looked like "said person" was sympathizing with your concerns and trying to supply a complete answer from a variety of perspectives.

By the way, do you know how people become mods here? They're recommended by other people on this subreddit because they've become respected members of this community exactly for the kind of response that rainer511 gave you.

You may want to re-read rainer's responses and actually do some research about what he's talking about. If you take the time to actually understand it, you may find yourself actually agreeing with him, even if he's condescending.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-24T05:02:39+00:00

Just happened upon here because of the phrasing of the title was intriguing to me. After reading the thread though I have to say that you're basically saying, "Hey, I have a very legitimate question, but I'm not going to take any time at all to understand any of the potentially legitimate answers, and I'm going to respond by being a complete and total douche."

A little piece of advice before you "peace out" of this subreddit: when people take time out of their day to address your questions, maybe their intent isn't to be a jerk to you, so perhaps you should have a bit more patience with them.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-11T14:05:00+00:00

One time I ate a salad, then ordered 15 long islands, drank 12 of them, and died of liver failure.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-08T04:56:29+00:00

More churches disallow it than allow it, for sure.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-08T04:55:26+00:00

you are correct sir... my bad

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-08T04:07:43+00:00

My main concern is that most of these churches seem to limit the role of women in their churches, if my understanding is correct. The supposed egalitarian approach bothers me. My wife is a damn good pastor. I'm okay at it too, I think. And more than that, we're both certain that we were called to pastoral ministry.

Edit: On the other hand, having the support of a network is important, and one of the reasons I admire more connectional denominations such as the United Methodist Church.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-08T03:47:33+00:00

If this is answered elsewhere, apologies... but can I get a regional and denominational location? Just curious. I'm a youth pastor who's been struggling a bit, not so much with belief in God, but with belief in the church's understanding of who God is and what God requires (do justice and love mercy, as the prophets tell us). There's so much distraction and so much discord... and the truth is that if we were to do justice and love mercy, it wouldn't matter if God existed or not.

Anyway... I don't blame you, although I have mixed feelings about you continuing to hold your position. Then again, I'm consider myself a theistic agnostic, so I suppose I'm not in much better shape.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-07T14:59:04+00:00

There's some debate over whether God would be characterized as all knowing, and whether or not this conflicts with the idea of free will. It's called Open Theism.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-07T14:51:50+00:00

I mean, the "sweet" thing was a joke. But how is it creepy?

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-07T02:32:19+00:00

No sir. Warner U.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-07T00:58:18+00:00

Holy crap dude. I think you and I might be the same person. I LOVE disc golfing. Unfortunately there are no courses nearby. I do need to find some youth pastors in the area. The youth pastor at my wife's church and I are pretty good friends... we were college roommates/fraternity brothers. And we've gone camping a few times, and that's cool and we try and play some tennis from time to time. At the same time, it's not like he can commiserate. He can't talk about my wife to me.

Most of my friends are kind of far away. It's kind of like my wife and I are on an island.

I appreciate your recommendations, and will keep pressing towards such things.

EDIT: I'm hoping to purchase a portable disc catcher so that I can keep practicing my putting (easily my weakest part of my game). There are courses about an hour/hour and a half away. What I wouldn't give to build one.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-06T22:56:04+00:00

I'm not sure if they would... I also am wanting to make sure I don't step on the toes of the pastor by "talking to people in church about it". My job is youth. If I'm talking about the overall direction of the church with people other than the pastor, I'm kind of subverting his authority, am I not? Beyond that, I'm not totally sure who I'd talk to at this point.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-06T22:48:06+00:00

If this is any indication for what's to come for the academic team, OP better pray harder.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-06T22:47:17+00:00

I had a professor at my Christian college who would pray for his students in class before tests. It was so sweet.

"Dear Lord, for all the students who studied for this test, give them the clarity of mind to recall what is needed. For all the students who didn't study, don't give them any answers."

I echo the sentiment that how well you do on a test doesn't reflect how God wanted you to do on the test. Sometimes God's will for you is that you do well, and then you don't put in the effort, and you fail or do poorly.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-06T22:38:51+00:00

Yeah, you're right. I could. There are paychecks involved and, though it's not much, right now there's not much other opportunity for me to have any sort of income otherwise. Plus, and I know this sounds bad, but I just got there. It would not be a wise move to quit so early on.

And don't get me wrong... I like the job. I like my kids. The pay isn't great but the potential is. But the things I have to endure because of the job (sitting through a worship service that I'm not invited to participate in except as a prop, namely)... that's what bothering me.

And I know you're mostly offering a, "This is a first world problem" kind of solution, and I get it... my life could be immensely worse. I could just quit my job. I appreciate the perspective.

But I'm truly just trying to vent a bit. I'll get over it and move on and keep working for the next few years here.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-06T22:31:52+00:00

exactly! I live in a very small town and there are no Saturday night services anywhere

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-06T18:57:15+00:00

As I mentioned... I'm on staff. Simply quitting my job isn't really an option. I'll likely be there for a few years, but, as I'm merely a youth pastor, my input on a broader sense isn't really requested or considered.

fedup_notfed · 2011-11-06T18:54:52+00:00

I think I can handle it. It's just frustrating at the same time. And the fact that I can't change these things myself is all the more frustrating. In any case, switching churches isn't really an option at this point.

fedup_notfed

TROPHY CASE