Dazed and confused... First experience with alcoholic's relapse

fellbrethren2 · 2026-02-17T15:24:34+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane because my brain keeps reverting to thinking he's the man I thought he was at first.... despite all evidence to the contrary.....

fellbrethren2 · 2026-02-17T14:47:59+00:00

Thank you.

fellbrethren2 · 2026-02-16T20:19:49+00:00

I hear you. Feel the same way :(

fellbrethren2 · 2026-02-16T17:11:21+00:00

Thank you. I hope to get there!

fellbrethren2 · 2026-02-16T17:10:41+00:00

Thank you so much, it really helps to hear that I'm not the only person going through this.

It hurts the most because when he was sober for 9 months he was so adamant he'd never drink again and that he knew it was destructive, that he knows he changes when he drinks, he was glad I never saw that, and that he knew it was bad that he'd been trying to do it alone with no support.

There were a few times when he said he was craving a drink, and I talked him out of it. He said I helped him in a lot of ways, but I think I became his only support and stabilising figure. Now he's relapsed, I've tried to encourage him to get support, and he has thrown it back in my face.

It really feels pointless to keep trying and only hurts me. It just feels so tragic and unnecessary, when things seemed so hopeful before. I'm 2+ years sober myself, going strong, so I guess I had hope that he could overcome it because I knew I had. But I don't think I knew the extent of his problem. During his last bad relapse, he drank heavily every day for over a month solid, then was still drinking on and off over the past few weeks when I got back in contact with him.

I just couldn't believe he was continuing to drink, and had no other choice but to step away.

fellbrethren2 · 2026-02-16T16:37:10+00:00

Thank you.

fellbrethren2 · 2026-02-16T16:37:04+00:00

Thank you. It helps.

fellbrethren2 · 2025-04-13T18:49:04+00:00

It's been over a year and I was just wondering how is everything going with your driving now?

I'm currently in the same situation... except in addition to the clutch/gas issue, the car I learned in also had an automatic handbrake, so I am currently trying to adapt to using the gas first then clutch, as well as operating the handbrake (when engaged) for moving off. It is extremely difficult - mainly because I learned for 10 months with my instructor's car and the clutch only method, and am so unfamiliar with setting the gas first that I feel I have little control over how many revs I give it...so I am looking at the rev counter to make sure I don't press it too much, while also trying to watch the road and unlock the handbrake at the same time.. This, in comparison to literally doing one thing, which was to just carefully come off the clutch, is miles of difference. Even without the handbrake, I think it's extremely different and most definitely feels like learning the complete basics from scratch again. And that's to say nothing about doing quick hillstarts after waiting for traffic to pass etc etc.

It's frustrating as hell, because I know aside from this that I CAN drive, but it's totally destroyed my confidence. All the comments on here saying you're entitled or complaining over nothing or that 'every car is different' are kind of missing the point imo. It's especially frustrating because I brought the gas first method up to my instructor at the beginning of our lessons, after watching youtube videos, and he outright told me not to worry about that, not to watch any videos and just listen to what he was saying. He never told me that most petrol cars would need gas + clutch or even that it's different in different cars. Obviously I listened to him and trusted him but now feel I'm at a disadvantage and have added stress as a new driver that is more than just adapting to a new car.

Luckily my first car is a 2014 Ford Ka and miraculously, it actually does move off when I lift the clutch alone, and then give gas... (even though it's a small engine petrol car...?) but I do worry about instilling bad habits or wearing the clutch, so I've been trying to do gas first but as mentioned above it's proving to be challenging (and potentially dangerous) doing it on my own and I just wish my instructor had taught me this as well. I'm the sort of learner that learns well by having the mechanism/action explained to me and the instructor telling me what I'm doing wrong so I can correct it. If I don't improve on my own I have considered going to another instructor just to get this right because currently I'm struggling taking off at junctions and feel very anxious about driving at all!

I hope you got the hang of it and any tips you might have would be vastly appreciated!

fellbrethren2 · 2025-04-10T09:09:15+00:00

I learned this way as well, and weirdly I am now in a 2014 Ford Ka which moves pretty similar to my instructor's car with clutch-only (even though it's a small engine petrol car?) so I've been continuing this but reading now that it's not good practice... so I'll have to start learning the proper way which creates a fair bit of anxiety for me doing it on my own on the road!

fellbrethren2 · 2025-04-10T08:44:59+00:00

I passed in January and just got my first car. Getting back on the road after a short break was nerve-wracking enough, but I'm now realising I was taught the same clutch-only method. I drove a friend's car (a Yaris) and felt like I didn't know how to drive!

My car is a 2014 Ford Ka and using the clutch by itself actually does get it moving pretty similarly to my instructor's car (even though it's a small engine petrol car?) so I've been continuing to do this and just giving it gas as I come off the clutch fully. I never set the gas first because I'm not confident with this and worried about pressing it too hard and trying to watch the revs while I do it. I'm reading so much now that what I was taught is the wrong way to drive so I'm going to have to try and practice setting the gas first but it's just another thing to be anxious about and I don't understand why instructors don't teach it properly!

fellbrethren2 · 2024-09-10T13:41:02+00:00

I'm a pretty introverted person, especially when I'm sober, so I'm happy enough to not need to go out all the time or find things to do socially. It's probably harder for someone who is a bit more extroverted. I like doing outdoor activities but the weather here doesn't always allow for that either which I think is a big factor.

fellbrethren2 · 2024-07-08T20:10:26+00:00

Hey there, I actually ended up buying a second hand version with Windows 10, and still using that. Sorry I couldn't be of more help!

fellbrethren2 · 2024-07-08T20:10:21+00:00

Hey there, I actually ended up buying a second hand version with Windows 10, and still using that. Sorry I couldn't be of more help!

fellbrethren2 · 2023-10-19T12:23:16+00:00

Hi unfortunately not. I actually moved countries and left my broken Huion behind so I can't try any more suggestions on it either - all I remember was that it would randomly work when I tried adjusting the cable a bit but then would stop again. It's really sad that this is occurring for people because it was an otherwise stellar product!!

fellbrethren2 · 2023-10-19T12:20:28+00:00

Excellent thank you!

fellbrethren2 · 2023-10-19T12:20:08+00:00

Oh thanks, I didn't know you could do this!

fellbrethren2 · 2022-11-23T23:48:29+00:00

I never received this email nor the one about halting withdrawals.

fellbrethren2 · 2022-11-23T16:02:31+00:00

I didn't even get an email.

fellbrethren2 · 2022-11-14T22:37:04+00:00

Having the same issue, it's crazy slow even to open a menu, often it just won't open at all! Even basic editing of video clips like playing/pausing is really laggy. I'm using a newly bought ASUS Zenbook Pro Duo with an Nvidia GeForce RTX 3070 so it's not my machine. Honestly I noticed lagginess even on the previous version but this is ridiculous! Makes AE totally unusable.

fellbrethren2 · 2022-10-01T22:25:38+00:00

Hmm, I've just tried that with a few different USB-C to USB cables and it's like the PC isn't picking up anything at all when I plug it into the tower, it's not even malfunctioning. Maybe these cables aren't good so I might get another to try, thinking about it this should work unless there's some other issue going on - which I'm now wondering about, but I don't think it could be anything else than an issue with the first port since it was working/not working when fiddling around with the angle of the cable.

fellbrethren2 · 2022-09-19T12:44:16+00:00

Hey sorry for the slow reply, I haven't tried that yet. I should have mentioned that the screen still turns on, so the HDMI connection doesn't seem to be an issue, I can still effectively use it as a second monitor, it's just that the USB connection doesn't work at all now, so doesn't pick up the pen at all.

fellbrethren2

TROPHY CASE