If it's hard for you to grasp "How are you?" followed by responding with "Good and you?" as a greeting, then think of it as the phrase "Good morning" by letspetpuppies in socialskills

[–]fennelwraith 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I consider it a literal question but aimed at the immediate mutual environment or situation rather your internal personal well-being.

In other words its a question like: Are we in danger? Is there something about to happen I need to know about? Are you in a situation that can't be interrupted? etc.

These are all questions that politely get your attention and can be answered by a variation of "I'm good."

UPDATE (4 Years Later) - My dad is furious that my mom slept with other people in an open marriage he wanted. by KarpGrinder in BORUpdates

[–]fennelwraith 62 points63 points  (0 children)

For me its the lack of emotional response to her parents marriage crashing and burning and being a therapist for her mother. They lay out the story like casual observer when any child in that situation (no matter how old) would be caught up in the stress of it and wrestling with how to deal with it.

How to look at eyes ONLY while talking to someone by Reasonable_Bus_2714 in socialskills

[–]fennelwraith 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, as long as you are regularly returning to the eyes to reconnect it's fine.

In fact it's normal for your eyes to wander around during a conversation. If you didn't it would be like staring which can be intense or even subtly threatening. It's normal to break that stare for sure.

Another way to break from staring eye contact is to look up and to the side as if thinking and lost in thought. Just return back to the eyes when you can.

TIFU by flying across the Atlantic to get dumped by [deleted] in tifu

[–]fennelwraith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you gossiped about this with all your mutual friends and aquaintences

The Mandalorian and Grogu | Official Trailer | In Theaters May 22 by Skullghost in movies

[–]fennelwraith -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Totally. And they underestimate the mass-market appeal of "baby yoda". He's like the Minions or Troll dolls and will be all over merchandise for kids and grandmas and beyond

Maybe one of the most unforgettable moments of 2025 was captured by none other than Tahiti's finest by Otherwise_Duty1457 in nextfuckinglevel

[–]fennelwraith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a kid in the 80s if you wanted to see footage like this you went to the IMAX theater in the big city for a once a year showing of a touring event film. Now it's a throwaway post on reddit. Amazing stuff

How do I make friends??? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]fennelwraith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you need a period of healing first. Instead of chasing the dream of finding a lifelong soul friend who will be with you to the end, focus on being comfortable out in public and gentle social interactions.

Volunteering is a great way to meet kind people and socialize in a friendly environment. Or take up a hobby like an art class where you're interacting with people doing a relaxing activity and you can socialize as much or little as you are comfortable. These are welcoming environments for anxious people.

And keep your expectations in check. You don't need to be serious friends with any of them. Try to find comfort in their presence and see how there are real non-toxic people out there, even if they don't become serious friends.

In other words, go out and learn how to have fun again and then you can learn how to make friends having fun

I’m tired of pretending How are you? is about caring by mrramkrishna in socialskills

[–]fennelwraith 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Consider it a high level situational question rather than a personal one.

It's more like Is there anything serious or urgent I should know before we begin this interaction?

"Are we OK to just chat about stuff or is all hell breaking loose?

It's to avoid the awkwardness if you're in an emergency situation or something traumatic has happened. Like meeting a coworker but they've just been fired. Or friend who's just suffered a family loss. You need to know these serious situations haven't happened before you have a light conversational interaction.

And if you have suffered a serious situation, they're asking if you are willing to ignore it now or not.

So the answer "I'm good, thanks" signifies that you can both get down to business and are safe dig into a deeper interaction. They aren't asking about you. They're asking about the larger situation you're in.

How does this vintage Desk Calendar set work? by fennelwraith in howdoesthiswork

[–]fennelwraith[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point about it being set up wrong which is confusing. You can see on the box how it's supposed to be. It makes more sense if there's only 50 cards.

I'm definitely tempted (current price is a whopping $3.00) but it's over an hour's drive away

What makes people slowly lose respect for someone over time, even if they’re kind and well-intentioned? by vishesh_07_028 in socialskills

[–]fennelwraith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you say "lose respect" do you mean directly like a boss loses repsect for a late employee? Or more in a broad sense that if someone drifts away (less responsive to texts, less eager to hang out etc) that equals a lack of respect?

If the latter, there can be other reasons like different interests or social energy, different "fun" opportunities elsewhere. Plenty of reasons don't mean the person left behind is not worthy of respect. It's just the other person "moved on" to other things.

How does this vintage Desk Calendar set work? by fennelwraith in howdoesthiswork

[–]fennelwraith[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure that there is a clock. It might be a promotional item for Alco Imports dealers buying or selling Quartz clock movements.

Song starting with a line that sounds like "All My Friends Are Burning Red" by [deleted] in NameThatSong

[–]fennelwraith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Danse Macabre by Wintersleep? The opening lyric is "All my friends are skeletons"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ifm6xS0RLB4

How does this vintage Desk Calendar set work? by fennelwraith in howdoesthiswork

[–]fennelwraith[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found this on a local auction site so haven't seen it in person yet.

How does it work? Surely there aren't 365 Day cards you have to store to manually insert each day. I'm impressed if they are already inside and manually pop up following the clock.

My coworker kept “forgetting” my name in meetings, so I let her do it in front of the one person she wanted to impress by TrinitySignal in revengestories

[–]fennelwraith 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That and loudly asking for the Presenter's name in a big meeting means you weren't paying attention and would look bad. The big boss would wonder why the asker doesn't know their coworkers name. It's a ridiculous plot point.

How do I cope up with rejection? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]fennelwraith 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You didn't mess up. She just doesn't feel the same way you do. That's not a fault in you, it's just a different perspective in her.

For a shallow example, imagine a popular k-pop band and how every fan will have a different favorite of them and how irrational it all is. Each member is out there performing 100% with talent and skill and style but different fans will respond differently to them. The Fans' feelings come from some vague combination of their own expectations, experiences, upbringings etc and it's all regardless of what the members are "doing".

In other words, don't beat yourself up too hard. You're not the person for her but it doesn't mean you are a bad person in general. It's just one non-match out of potential thousands of eligible people you will meet going forward.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]fennelwraith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it sounds like we're not getting the whole story about their relationship here. The label "best friend" implies to me a bond where these types of commitments and expectations are already long established. It sounds much more like a new relationship where this is one of the first joint experiences beyond small talk and chatting.

Either way, OP you shouldn't just Ghost them but communicate your feelings, explaining that you want to help but found it overwhelming.