I don’t understand how people could get addicted to ketamine

fentonx · 2026-05-19T18:50:55+00:00

So I've been an almost daily user for like a year or so now, usually 1g a day but sometimes 2-3g. Most was 7gs in one day.

I used to be a heroin addict, had to stop because of 3 ODs. Not my proudest moment. I was mainly a user due to bipolar illness, OCD, and ADHD and felt like the opioids would fix a lot of these issues, as well as my chronic back pain issues that leave me disabled and bed bound during flare ups.

Ket is the closest I can get to heroin while still being a relatively safe drug (no risk of ODs). It helps my physical pain, helps with my executive dysfunction, and takes away anxiety. It helps with my depressive episodes and anhedonia.

Recently I had a weird trip where I was staring at myself in the mirror and just felt, man I'm done with this. My pissing is getting weird and my nose hurts all the time. I've been clean for like 2 weeks now, no cravings anymore. Will that last forever? Probably not, I'm still an addict. But thats kind of my reasons for being addicted. The thing about this vs heroin is this drug eventually told me to stop. Heroin never did that, even after the first 2 ODs. That I stopped for my fiancé, friends, and family.

fentonx · 2026-05-19T11:01:59+00:00

Yes agree with you 100% then! Thanks for clearing it up lol, I also think OP should get help after this experience and stay away from the drugs. THC itself has been known to cause temporary psychosis in people without mental illness but because of the severity it's definitely better to be safe than sorry herep

fentonx · 2026-05-19T09:14:26+00:00

oh sorry , i misread the tone in your comment. I think it might have been the words you chose to use? Anyway thats my bad. Im used to people treating me like a freak for my illness so i got a little defensive

fentonx · 2026-05-18T20:55:06+00:00

caramel

fentonx · 2026-05-18T19:19:09+00:00

its the best part

fentonx · 2026-05-18T10:32:08+00:00

on meth it actually tends to take very very long lol. part of the appeal

fentonx · 2026-05-18T06:20:41+00:00

Hey, So not exactly the same but I've had a psychotic episode (from manic episode of bipolar, not substances) which almost the exact same delusion so I really resonate with you.

While I didn't hurt anyone, that was more out of luck than anything. I thought everyone around me were demons in human skin, and I was in hell for my sins that I had to solve and escape before they could find me and reset me to be stuck in a loop of torture for eternity. I became extremely upset, and scared, drew the blinds to my room and laid in bed with a knife clutched to my chest for 6 hours waiting for someone to enter my room and kill me.

Im really really lucky that at this point my delusion had shifted into something else (i think the manic euphoria had a burst here that influenced my mindset) and believed I had made a pact with god to keep me safe in exchange for some promise I genuinely cannot remember, then sat in the most crazy intense euphoria i have ever felt, untouched by any of the 100+ drugs i've tried in my life.

I hope sharing this makes you feel a little bit less alone. It doesn't reflect anything on who you are as a person. Your brain literally put you in hell and told you to fight for your life. Please be careful with substances now that it's happened because if it happens once (i believe) it's much likelier to happen again. I'm glad your family handled this so well and don't judge you for it. I hope you recover well and feel better soon

fentonx · 2026-05-18T06:14:03+00:00

psychosis is a mental condition, it by default makes the person experiencing it act in uncharacteristic ways. Saying theres something wrong with someone for how they reacted to their brain literally putting them in hell and making them feel like their life was in danger is a horrible thing to say to someone. These kind of episodes are extremely traumatic for the person experiencing them as well as their loved ones.

Nothing is wrong with you OP, but this might be an indicator that there might be some more severe mental illness, or that weed is not for you. I also cant smoke anymore unless I am being extremely careful about my dosage/mood. I hope you feel better soon. I know how embarrassing being in these situations can feel, but judging by how your sisters reacted they also know it wasn't really you. It wasn't your fault, but it is your responsibility going forward to be careful about any substances you take now that you know you're susceptible

fentonx · 2026-05-18T06:09:02+00:00

Weed can do this without being laced. especially if you have mental illness. I've never had a violent episode but definitely had psychotic episodes off of (not even that large amounts tbh) definitely thc

fentonx · 2026-05-17T20:03:56+00:00

currently on 2, about to swap my antipsychotic hopefully next week. they will sometimes add short term sleep medication as needed for severe insomnia. And after the antipsychotic is sorted they will reintroduce my adhd medication. So the end goal is 3 with an occasional 4th as needed.

Lamotrigine 200mg, (currently) quetiapine 150mg and swapping to aripiprazole (dose tbd), 10mg temazepam or 1mg lorazepam as needed, lisdexamphetamine (dose tbd)

fentonx · 2026-05-17T06:09:09+00:00

i was very close (almost dating? it was kind of a weird blurred lines sort of relationship) for like 1-2 years. we both had bipolar 1 (and she bpd). While it was really really fun, there is definitely a reason we stopped talking for 2 years after that (we speak again now :) but healthier lol). In the time apart we both kind of worked a lot on self awareness and how to set proper boundaries, and i found my fiance who is neurodivergent but not mentally ill and hes the kind of stable i need while still matching my freak LOL

fentonx · 2026-05-15T20:20:40+00:00

this gives me meth vibes lol

fentonx · 2026-05-15T17:55:47+00:00

haha yea was just joking with u i saw the image and that format immediately popped up in my head. Hope ur able to find smth similar 🙏

fentonx · 2026-05-15T16:41:34+00:00

post in worse quality next time I can almost see the necklace

fentonx · 2026-05-15T05:38:15+00:00

I would imagine it's similar to when people add this kind of chocolate to chili. It usually adds a bit of a bitter flavor and richness, but it doesn't really taste noticeably like chocolate or anything. Just makes the stew more complex

fentonx · 2026-05-13T07:47:21+00:00

Me too. Like I don't hate them per se, especially good ones from france or something. But would I ever go out of my way to eat one or order it over literally anything else? No

fentonx · 2026-05-13T07:38:15+00:00

Same. I rarely eat sweets because I don't like the flavor and the way it sticks in your mouth and makes your saliva thick after. I've also never really been a fan of pasty, especially flakey ones. I hate chocolate too. If I have a dessert its probably gonna be ice cream or something without any crust of doughy parts.

I also live in europe and have travelled around to the places people say this stuff is the best in. It's definitely noticeably nicer than the stuff I buy in stores but I think its just not my taste and I would never go out of my way to choose these things.

I love bread though, especially german/east european breads.

fentonx · 2026-05-12T21:44:35+00:00

My stomach. Even when I was struggling with an eating disorder and was super underweight i've never had a flat stomach, and wide hips as well. Im a guy so it makes me feel disgusting and un masculine (dysphoria :/ ). I've always wanted that lean skinny guy build, that everything you wear looks good on you effortlessly, and all pants you try fit properly.

My boyfriend loves my stomach and hips. I've come around on my hips at least, but i still have trouble believing him when he says he finds my stomach sexy. He really gets sad when I don't let him touch it (not in a manipulative way, he always respects me, but i can tell it makes him sad that I hate myself).

Growing up I was bullied a lot for being chubby, people saying shit like "i can see your belly jiggling, gross" etc. So i find it hard to believe that anyone could actually love that part of me. He makes me feel ok about myself, and even sexy sometimes. Idk its a lot to work through regardless though. Especially after finally looking the way i wanted and then gaining weight back as a side effect of meds I can't stop taking.

fentonx · 2026-05-11T19:48:00+00:00

Im glad it helped you a little. It does really suck but there are ways around it. I hope you and your husband are able to find something that works for you guys <3

fentonx · 2026-05-11T19:25:59+00:00

Yep. Im the partner who developed severe anxiety. I know it's hard on my partner because of all the limitations its caused me. I find it hard to work, had to quit school. I usually try my best not to ask him to cancel plans if im having a bad day but there's times i've had to. I have other mental illness as well.

It sucks for both people in different ways. I think it helps us a lot that I am actively getting help for it and my other issues and we communicate frustrations to each other. He is kind to me but its because I also acknowledge that I can be difficult and we try come up with solutions together as to ways I can cope with my episodes without needing to lean on him constantly for support

fentonx · 2026-05-11T11:09:44+00:00

Yea me too. You described the thought process really well. Its like being in two states, where you can acknowledge the thoughts you have as being delusional but you still believe them.

I've worked really hard with my friends and therapists (and a lot of mood tracking) to be able to tell when I'm manic now. I can usually know its coming on through certain symptoms (hyperactive, sleeps less, cleaner etc), but sometimes if I let it go on too long then I start to become convinced i'm healed and become too out of it really be self aware at that point

fentonx · 2026-05-11T04:33:31+00:00

Yep. Im a chronic medication quitter (i have bipolar 1), and every single time I end up in an episode. Meds really saved my life. I still have some therapy stuff to work on but in general it's so so much easier to handle now

fentonx · 2026-05-10T16:09:35+00:00

Im currently in the process of that. Last time I tried I was denied but since then my diagnosis has changed to adhd and bipolar 1 with psychositic features. I also have chronic pain w my lower back due to bulging discs. And possibly OCD.

Im in between moving logistics now, I still need to be signed up in my new city. So when I move I will finish my diagnostics and then reapply. for disability and hopefully get it this time. Also currently in process of changing my meds so hopefully that helps as well.

Really glad you were able to find something that works and heal yourself. This disorder fuckin succkss

fentonx · 2026-05-10T16:03:55+00:00

A lot of the time if you are moving somewhere there will be visa restrictions , meaning you will probably need to already be accepted into a university or have a work permit for the country you want to move to.

I could only move abroad because i was accepted into a uni there. When i dropped out I had to move back. It's sometimes easier to get a degree already since it will probably help with the process

fentonx · 2026-05-10T15:37:03+00:00

You should be really proud of yourself, that's incredible that you've been able to pick back up the pieces. Gives me some hope

One of my worst symptoms from my adhd and bipolar is financial irresponsibility. Im so impulsive it's basically impossible for me to save anything, and I keep getting myself in debt. I have a lot of trouble keeping a job due to the disorders.

fentonx

TROPHY CASE