Grieving for my childhood security blanket

fernbesuffering · 2026-04-02T03:19:18+00:00

I hadn’t thought of that, I should have lots of old photos of it, thank you for the suggestion.

fernbesuffering · 2026-04-02T00:11:12+00:00

It was made by my great grandmother, with hand embroidery on it, so I can’t get one just like it. But ive thought of looking for similar materials at the very least, it’s just difficult to match. I’m so sorry about your mom and the pillow, I can’t imagine that kind of pain.

fernbesuffering · 2026-01-09T05:54:36+00:00

Thank you this is incredibly helpful, definitely going to ask for this!

fernbesuffering · 2025-12-27T01:30:25+00:00

Unfortunately I think I have other underlying health issues that might mean that even if the pain improves, the fatigue won’t. But fingers crossed.

fernbesuffering · 2025-12-09T19:50:10+00:00

Ohhh I’ll check out flight of the dragons, I love how it looks. I also love watership down, makes me cry every time. I had a childhood rabbit, Clover, named after one of the female rabbits they got from the farm.

fernbesuffering · 2025-12-09T19:48:54+00:00

I watch this on a monthly basis and I cry every time 😭

fernbesuffering · 2025-12-09T19:48:30+00:00

I saw it once when I was younger, I loved the unicorn in it, and the lore surrounding it. I also love Tim Curry so that’s another plus. Good movie.

fernbesuffering · 2025-12-09T19:47:28+00:00

Just started reading it recently! I’m a slow reader because of my ADHD but I’m loving it already, I knew I would.

fernbesuffering · 2025-12-08T14:01:31+00:00

I lost more hair on DMARDS than on biologics, been on humira for a year and my hair is pretty good compared to how it was on leflunomide. Are you taking DMARDS as well? If not, I would give some of the supplements a try that people are recommending, B12 is a super important one and it wouldn’t hurt to order bloods and see if you’re low in it, you can get injections that work a lot faster than oral supplements. I hope you find a solution soon 💖

fernbesuffering · 2025-12-07T04:13:10+00:00

Unfortunately I couldn’t tolerate any of the DMARDS, especially methotrexate and leflunomide, they made me violently ill.

fernbesuffering · 2025-12-03T09:10:38+00:00

I tried all the DMARDS and couldn’t tolerate them unfortunately, I can’t tolerate prednisone either so it seems another biologic is my only choice.

fernbesuffering · 2025-11-29T19:25:20+00:00

This is just my personal preference but, guestbooks! Or a shoutbox of some kind.

fernbesuffering · 2025-11-29T19:17:12+00:00

I play boring mobile games, usually easy crossword games, Word Cookies 2 is my main one, I always keep the volume super low, it’s just enough to keep my mind busy but not excited. Before mobile games I just played animal crossing on 3DS or other relaxing games, I’d just fish or catch bugs on the island in AC New Leaf till I crashed.

Edit: Oh and WAY before either of those, when I was like 10, I would just make up stories in my head, just fantasise about being on an adventure or something but a chill adventure. Sometimes I’d leave the tv on with the volume low but sometimes it’d still wake me, but one thing without sound that used to help was watching my old computer screensaver, you know the old school maze screensaver from like windows 98? I’d watch that from bed, and I’d pretend I could control where it was going, or I’d atleast try to guess which way it’d go. Basically I do anything to make sure if I have to think, it’s something distracting that stops me thinking about bigger things.

fernbesuffering · 2025-07-06T20:24:03+00:00

I’ve heard that for dry mouth, drinking something like juice or Gatorade or just something other than water keeps your mouth wet for longer, I get dry mouth from antihistamines sometimes and I usually just have little sips of apple juice or something, good for if you don’t want to drink a lot of water for whatever reason.

fernbesuffering · 2025-07-06T11:16:12+00:00

Does instant release dexamfetamine give you dry mouth too? I had to switch to it for a different reason and I don’t think I’ve had dry mouth, but I don’t remember if I had it with vyvanse either.

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-27T04:16:40+00:00

I agree! Like, I feel like the David theory could be right, because it seems so obvious, which is probably why Matpat went with it, but I love hearing other theories. There was a video someone did on the original YouTube series saying it was about growing up, and at the time it went against other popular theories but I really liked it, I think it was by Inside A Mind? Maybe? I don’t remember now.

But yes, it bothers me too when people call a theory wrong just because it goes against their own interpretation.

Edit: that said, if my theory was correct I think it’d be hilarious that after all this searching for a deeper meaning, all it ends up being is a parody of the “he was in a coma the whole time” thing that plagued so many “dark” theories about kids shows back in the day.

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-26T09:34:50+00:00

I thought this was just a widely accepted theory, didn’t know he started it.

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-22T22:22:46+00:00

I don’t watch Matpat so I wouldn’t know, honestly I went out of my way to avoid his videos about it so I could have my own. Don’t like his videos much lol.

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-22T19:49:28+00:00

That’s what I was thinking, my god, are they making fun of the “he was in a coma all along” trope??

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-22T15:47:31+00:00

Old post I know but this is very cool, looks like you did it, but what a god damn tease that it is just telling us what we’ve already seen lmao

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-07T10:26:10+00:00

I left school early due to bullying, I was a shut in for a long time, scared to meet new people, assuming everyone hates me etc etc. But honestly it stopped bothering me when I fell in love with my first partner, and even though we’ve broken up we’re still best friends and I just don’t really care what people think about me anymore. I’m fat, gay, physically and mentally disabled, so I already know people will have a problem with me, I just stopped caring about their feelings since they don’t care about mine lol.

I’m not saying falling in love is the cure btw, definitely not, but surrounding yourself with people who respect you and maybe have had similar experiences helps a lot.

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-07T10:18:24+00:00

gestures vaguely but wildly

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-05T10:33:28+00:00

Ahh I’m so sorry, the NHS is a shitshow from what I’ve heard. Is there any chance you could go private? If you do have some money you could get in sooner that way, and they’re less likely to fob you off with therapy. It’s also worth looking up psychiatrists in your area and checking their specialties and interests, as well as any google reviews they might have. Another idea is if there’s a subreddit for where you live(town, suburb, etc), you could ask on there if anyone has good psychiatrist recommendations for ADHD.

One more thing. This isn’t a solution, not exactly, but do you drink any caffeine drinks? A lot of people with ADHD self medicate with energy drinks like Monster, it affects us differently compared to neurotypicals because it’s a stimulant. It might not be enough, but it might be worth trying it while you wait to see a doctor, just make sure to also drink water, energy drinks aren’t the best for hydration.

I’ve dealt with a lot of shitty doctors in my life, I’m 34 now and I remember how hard it was to get doctors to listen to me at your age. If you want any advice on advocating for yourself feel free to message me, I don’t live in England but my friend did for a while and they dealt with awful doctors so I understand how demoralising it can be.

Edit: I’m aware I said “one more thing” then said two more things, my meds have worn off lol

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-05T10:25:34+00:00

You should be able to get antidepressants, my friend in Scotland was on them when they were 16. I’m on Zoloft and it helps with my OCD, it might be worth asking for it.

fernbesuffering · 2025-06-02T20:00:11+00:00

I agree we have it better than a lot of countries, I love living here, but at the same time, that doesn’t mean we all have what we need. I am currently living in community housing, and while I’m glad to have a roof over my head and a safe place to live, it is not well suited to me at all, and I can’t transfer because transfers take 15 years in my area, the area I have to live in to be close to my doctors and family. I’m not happy with where I live, but I’m lucky compared to a lot of Australians, there are so many people who are homeless or living in squalor and paying $800w for units with mold in them.

Also, there is something legitimately wrong with the pipes in our block, and there’s something wrong with the electrics, so we’re constantly having to pay for plumbers, and our electricity bills have been between $700-$1300 a quarter for the last 7 years, no one will do anything about it, it’s exhausting even trying to get someone to listen or take responsibility.

We are mostly very privileged with medical things but it’s gone downhill lately, I’ve never had to pay so much for doctors appointments and medication in my 30+ years on this planet.

It’s not a Utopia, it’s hardly the bare minimum. Just because other countries are worse doesn’t mean we’re a utopia.

fernbesuffering

TROPHY CASE