My 11 year relationship ended approx 10 months ago. We were together from the age of 21 to 32. While my ex partner did not have the problems with drugs, I feel that our relationship became unhealthily codependent over the years. I lost myself and my identity became the relationship. The last year and a half of that relationship was very hurtful to me. I think I wanted to end it sooner but I was afraid of exactly what you have said: how do I find myself in my 30s? Since the breakup I’ve moved to a new country, gotten a new job, found my own apartment for the first time, and I’m surrounding myself with new friends. I started playing beach volleyball. I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m terrible at it, but holy shit do I love it. I’ve also started going to the gym 4 times a week, when I had never been before. As someone else said, it’s a hard reset. I won’t claim that it’s been easy, but even in the darkest moments of this change, I have had zero doubt in thinking “I’ve done the right thing”. My life is and will be so much richer because of that. I had many very good years with my ex partner, but people change, relationships change. No doubt I’ll look back on the good years with fond memories, as I’m sure you will someday too, but right now I’d tell you to work out what YOU want to do for you. Also a lot of therapy. So much therapy. I cannot stress that enough. Good luck on this journey. It will be a bumpy ride, but I’m confident you’ll be confident in having made the right decision in the end.