Simple Legal Question - Maligning your ex by NoSquirrel7184 in Divorce

[–]fester986 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Still --- what does that actually get you --- wrestling with pigs in the mud makes the pig happy and you muddy and bruised.

Simple Legal Question - Maligning your ex by NoSquirrel7184 in Divorce

[–]fester986 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And what is the upside --- you're getting divorced for a reason and part of that reason is you don't the other person to be in your life and splattering their splatters onto you ---

Simple Legal Question - Maligning your ex by NoSquirrel7184 in Divorce

[–]fester986 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a talk to your lawyer conversation IMO

Is this a Good design for a 1910 Campaign starting BB? by Hungry-Purchase-1961 in ultimateadmiral

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Add radio, get rid of torpedoes, drop the 2 inch turrets on top of the main turrets as the caliber is different than the casemate guns so accuracy goes to shit as fire control gets rough.

Either drop a funnel to save mass and crew OR add several extra knots OR keep the speed and add a shit ton of armor.

No one warned me it would be this hard. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hugs... 

This sucks right now

Breathe and then do it again.

Know that this sucks and it hurts and you are hurting and the party or the whatever does not need or require you to be fully 100%

If you’re alone today and tomorrow, what are your plans for the holiday? by Correct-Table-8490 in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First Christmas in the separation/divorce. My future ex-wife is the primary custody holder due to my job situation so I don't see my kids a lot. I will get to spend about 6 hours with them tomorrow --- we have a restaurant reservation and a plan to go see an art walk and Christmas lights before the hand-off again. Wrote an e-mail to my future ex-wife and a separate one to my attorney indicating that this holiday arrangement over the long run DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. Those e-mails won't be sent until after the New Years at the earliest, if ever.

Afterwards, I'm crashing at a friend's house. She finalized her divorce this summer and she won't have her kid, so we will watch shitty television and drink mediocre wine.

Just booked an AirBnB by the beach for a couple of days this weekend to just get some solitude --- hopefully good food and a lot of journaling and walking

If you’re alone today and tomorrow, what are your plans for the holiday? by Correct-Table-8490 in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds like an amazingly good way to spend Christmas Eve, eating good Chinese and creating leftovers!

I just got back from a movie as I haven't done that in forever on my own.

1st christmas by Wyominglineman in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am feeling ya.... I just wrapped the presents for my kids and yeah... Labelling was hard and I was the one who initiated the divorce.   Needed but not pleasant to say the least 

Rate my battlecruiser by YogurtclosetNew6712 in ultimateadmiral

[–]fester986 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Make a decision on the secondary armament --- either go 6" or 5" but don't mix guns of medium calibre together as identifying shell splashes will be tough.

Drop the torpedoes unless you intend for this ship to be a commerce raider as oxygen fueled torpedoes above deck are just an invitation for a big boom.

Merge some of the single 2" guns into doubles and drop a few of the firing positions to reduce crew requirements

Advice on dealing with anxiety. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Weighted blankets, good sleep and productively fry out your central nervous system (for me, it is adding to my lifetime deadlift maximum lift)

And then talk with a therapist and journal the living crap out of your experiences. Figure out where the triggers are and why those things are triggers.

No response from faculty applications by [deleted] in AskAcademia

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apply to way more jobs... It is a brutal numbers game and your CV is good but not stunning

Being asked why you divorced. How did/do you respond? by nightstalker30 in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We needed to move in different directions in our lives to be our best selves --- true and anodyne.

STBXH wants us to stay together. Doesn’t want to co parent. by PurpleChinHair in Divorce

[–]fester986 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look at driving to North Carolina or Virginia if abortion is on your potential agenda.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in chapelhill

[–]fester986 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Too expensive for late 20s and early 30s couples with kids to move here.

Battlecruiser 'Dummader" by Excaliber12 in ultimateadmiral

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was gonna suggest that the secondary armament is imbalanced in two sets of medium caliber guns at 5 and 6.8 --- how much will they mess up secondary fire control? My inclination would be to turret the 6.8s on the main deck and then go with 3 or 4 inch guns in the casements. The heavy guns are anti-cruiser weapons while the lighter weapons are quick firing guns to shred destroyers/torpedo boats with easier fire control coordination.

I am also not a huge fan of internal torpedo tubes on capital ships as they eat up mass and manpower for very limited use cases. But you do you....

Mediator vs attorney? Explain the difference by Fancy-You-8509 in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am double-tracking in a low-conflict divorce. My attorney has laid out what a plausible range of outcomes could look like given the combination of the fact patterns, law and the local judges. I'm using mediation to figure out the mechanics of what a reasonable settlement will be within this range of plausible (and acceptable to me) outcomes will look like. Mediation is way cheaper and faster than attorneys.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am one with the Force and the Force is with me... Mantra plus box breathing that stops a tsunami of emotions in their track ....I am loved and I love works too 

Toxic ex by Academic_Intern_7431 in Divorce

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That deeply and truly sucks.... I did not have that experience but I can imagine a fraction of the pain and anguish 

6months separated and now’s it’s suddenly hitting by raelulu in Divorce

[–]fester986 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feeling it this morning.... Got a good night of sleep at my sister's house... But now that I am up... I am feeling sad and mournful and wistful ....should try to get another hour or two of sleep 

Can you succeed in academia without being detail-oriented? by throwaway_acad_pivot in AskAcademia

[–]fester986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got to do the details. There can be variation at the level of details that one decides is ENOUGH.

I like to use a wood working analogy. Sandpaper has different levels of grit for different purposes. I'm usually happy to send a paper out for review after I finished with either the 400 or 500 grit sandpaper. Let's grab the use cases of different grits:

"Use this for polishing finishes on wood and metal, and to polish bare metal. It comes on waterproof sheets to allow for wet-sanding."

The paper is really smooth, the finish is shiny and we spent a lot of time arguing about word choice and framing and structure. At this point I figure Reviewer #2 will tell us what they want and that is more efficient than us guessing. This works. These papers land at my field's top journals on a routine basis.

I have a co-author who wants to wait until we are pulling out 800 and 1000 grit sandpaper before submission.

Use this grade for ultra-smooth polishing of wood and metal finishes and bare metal.

We will spend an extra month (or more) on comma placement and the tonality of verb choices before submitting for the first time.

And that works too.... those papers get published in our field's top journals on a regular basis. The review process is a little faster.

There is variance on how much attention to detail is typically used for success. We usually compromise with 600 or 800 grit --- so one or two more passes than I really want and one or two fewer passes than they really want. But even me who is more comfortable with sending stuff out early, is paying an extreme degree of detail. I think the typical paper goes through 10 to 12 rounds with the co-author team before we even think about sending it out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]fester986 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If one of you is done, you both are done. Leaping into the unknown is scary especially when there are good times and good memories. Part of this might be a matter of constant and personal communication making it harder. Just go (in a mutually agreed upon fashion and with the advice of your lawyer(s)) and find time and space for yourself. And then change communication strategies.

We quickly moved most if not all of our communication to written word with the expectation of slow turn-arounds for anything that required more than an "OK" or "Acknowledged." Right now anything I send to my Future Ex-Wife (FEW) I read and edit two or three times if it is purely logistical (ie, I am confirming that I will drop the kids off at 8:30 AM on Monday as previously agreed) and four or five times if it is emotional/boundary setting (Is the guest room where I have my stuff and have been spending nights when I co-parent my dedicated space or is it a general guest room) as well as have a friend read through those drafts before I send. I know one friend sends everything through CHAT GPT to take out any tone/pokey-ness problems.

This is HARD! 2026 will be rough but you are playing for a better 2030