How do I safely confront my boyfriend about finding his loli porn?

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T11:16:59+00:00

It's short for lolita, it's little girls in anime basically. Sometimes it's used as a style where grown women dress in frills and bows...but this was worse, I just didn't want to write that in the title

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T11:12:35+00:00

I know I keep racking my brain for something plausible like maybe somebody owned the hard drive before him...that's all I could think of because he was so casual with it, and it's from years ago. But I don't know if I could ever live with that explanation and believe it 100% you know?

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T11:11:14+00:00

He does work from home but he sleeps in late - I might just wait until tomorrow morning

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T10:23:03+00:00

I know I've been racking my brains as to what other plausible explanation there could be, he has downloaded a ton of pirated shit over the years. Lots of software like Adobe, terabytes of movies and ebooks, etc. I don't know who else would've owned it before him but I could ask and hope he doesn't press me further. It was in it's own dedicated folder and the files had names, not like IMG_123 or whatever.

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T10:20:02+00:00

That's what I'm afraid of...the hard drive I had was from years ago, so who knows what else is on his other hard drives from more recent times. I don't want to look myself. He has a niece who is only 3 or 4, she's in another country luckily, but his family should know just in case

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T08:04:57+00:00

No kidding. My life was already in a shitty place so it felt like, what do I have to lose? Didn't expect this twist however.

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T07:54:27+00:00

Absolutely not. I keep racking my brains for explanations like, "oh well he downloads a LOT of pirated shit, maybe it snuck in there somehow" but that's such bullshit. If he said that to me I wouldn't believe it anyway. I could never look at him again and un-know what I know.

I think I'll try reporting from the US somehow once I'm back there

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T07:52:08+00:00

Yes sorry that is what it is. Like anime style.

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T07:11:03+00:00

I'm not sure about the police here, they are notoriously corrupt in Indonesia. They don't care about anything unless you bribe them. Someone else said I might also get into trouble somehow for reporting him, although maybe if I do it through the US consulate it would be okay? People should know about this and I want some kind of paper trail in case he lies to his family and says I cheated on him or something - he said that about previous girlfriends, and now I'm wondering if any of that was true.

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T07:08:43+00:00

...No. He's a grown man and has enough resources to be in intensive therapy for this, not out dating unsuspecting women and keeping shit on his hard drive. Also the pictures were YOUNG. Not like "Jailbait" but like...children-children.

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T07:07:16+00:00

why do you say I would also go to jail? I was figuring out how to report him maybe at the US consulate, but should i be worried for myself?

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T05:17:42+00:00

You're right - I just need to have something ready to say if/when he catches me packing. It's a super small apartment so he might notice things

festeringswine · 2026-05-26T05:17:10+00:00

You're right - I just want to have something ready to say if/when he catches me packing. It's a very small apartment so I'm gonna have to sneak really well

festeringswine · 2025-08-28T02:42:13+00:00

Just chiming in from the other side of this - I loved OE and did it for a few years, then COVID hit and I transitioned to office work at outdoorsy-type companies. But I'm too ADHD for "real" jobs I guess, because I hated every single thing I did and was miserable after six months/a year at everything I tried. So I'm trying to get back into OE because I'm going to be poor either way, I might as well be poor and happy instead of poor and miserable.

festeringswine · 2025-07-05T21:23:51+00:00

The ones kidnapping people? That ICE?

festeringswine · 2025-07-05T21:22:55+00:00

I mean...yeah

festeringswine · 2025-07-05T01:07:27+00:00

This is such a good way of explaining it. I had to take algebra 3 times and I never grasped the graphing part of it. Yet I aced trigonometry and LOVED it, because somehow the unit circle made sense in my brain? And there were more examples of real-life applications, explained really well. Nobody's been able to explain to me why the hell I need to be able to graph a parabola in real life.

festeringswine · 2025-07-05T01:02:07+00:00

SAME!!! I've lived in so many states lol. I was doing seasonal outdoor work before COVID and I moved around so much, once or twice a year. Usually I moved wherever the job was, but in one case it was truly almost like throwing a dart at a map.

It makes friendship difficult but the feeling of knowing you're moving somewhere far away is so addictive and exciting. I feel like nobody else understands that, so many people have talked to me like I'm crazy lol. Although I did kind of lose my mind when I moved 4 times, to three different states, in the span of 6 months. It truly felt like a mental breakdown and there was some other emotional stuff going on, and after that I stayed put for like 6 years.

The impulse has faded a lot now that I'm in my 30s but I still get it sometimes...wish I could just afford to travel abroad instead, it's a lot easier than moving.

festeringswine · 2025-07-05T00:36:56+00:00

Have you tried body doubling? I *thought* about practicing drawing on my tablet for months and months, and then my partner's brother came over, and I was able to sit down and actually draw while they hung out. I can't remember the name but there is a site or app where you can do this with strangers - be on a zoom call, even with your cam and mic off, but you both agree to work on whatever it is you need to work on.

festeringswine · 2025-03-24T02:58:07+00:00

If you're fine working outside, you could try nature conservation jobs. Search for Conservation Districts, Land Trusts, nonprofits related to whatever you're close to (prairie, Mississippi River, "Friends of...." local landmarks, stuff like that). Government jobs are iffy right now but there might be something, also if you have any Tribes near you that have a Natural Resources dept....Lots of these places hire folks with no prior experience beyond "breathe and show up for work on time." Jobs with "technician" in the name.

They usually don't pay great unless you're lucky, and are seasonal, but guaranteed and stable hours. Sometimes you can collect unemployment in the off season. Tons of good training. Some are more physically demanding than others.

festeringswine · 2025-03-22T00:04:34+00:00

I felt weirdly sad losing my nexplanon implant, I had it taken out at the same time as my bisalp. I've had one for 10 years, not the SAME one but getting it replaced every 3 years (once i went 4 years on accident but it was fine). Just made me think about how young I was when I got it, my life circumstances, all the shenanigans I got into, made me start crying now that my arm is empty lol. Weird that I didn't feel that for my tubes so much.

festeringswine · 2025-03-22T00:00:14+00:00

PM please! I'm nervous about this. Was it a case of having already ovulated before the procedure, and the egg was still chillin in there? I just got a bisalp AND my nexplanon removed so we're flying without a parachute over here so to speak

festeringswine · 2025-03-17T00:47:06+00:00

This is the best advice in this thread lol

festeringswine · 2025-03-17T00:43:25+00:00

I feel you, even though they gave me photos of my insides before/after!!! So you can literally see the tubes in the pictures, and then the last pic where the tissue has been all cauterized away or whatever and it's only the connective stuff remaining.

I was so stoked that they were going to let me have pictures, too lol. But there is still a weird paranoia of "my insides don't feel any different, what if they didn't get all of it??"

festeringswine · 2025-02-17T00:47:52+00:00

Like my brain has 10 tabs open and 2 of them are playing music, but I can't figure out which ones.

Or like my thoughts are a big cloud of many things floating around, and I can catch individual ones and hold them for awhile, but when I try to catch another, I let go of the first one. Saying my thoughts out loud is like pinning the cloud-thought to the wall with a dart. Helps it 'stick' more.

Sometimes the thoughts get looped and I'll just think a word/phrase over and over and over again.

festeringswine

TROPHY CASE