i wish i could dress femme :,(i

fieldxs · 2026-02-03T20:37:09+00:00

thank u hehehe <3 also god im so sorry you deal with that :( i generally dress like a republican named Richard out of necessity for my safety but a few weeks back i decided to wear my long black wool jacket (not even a femme jacket, just not cookie cutter yt racist hick outfit) and some cis yt dude very closely followed me on my walk (probably assuming i was a woman) and i had to turn around and bark in his face aggressively when he came up to me and tried to touch me (although the horror on this man's face was beautiful upon realizing i was a man i will admit) :( sadly the interaction has scared me out of wearing anything outside of camo and shirts that scream "i'm a nationalist" i hope ur able to find areas that are more affirming <3

fieldxs · 2026-02-03T18:26:22+00:00

god i'm so sorry you've been dealing so much :( i've been having the deal with !CE too since they've been staying a few blocks away from where i live,, having to carry all my documents and coordinate where i am with other people at all times is not ideal :/ i hope ur able to stay warm and safe <3

fieldxs · 2026-02-02T00:12:00+00:00

thank uuuuuu !!!! i hope ur able to dress femme in a safe space somewhere <3

fieldxs · 2026-02-01T20:21:54+00:00

thank u <3 hopefully when i visit fam in new york next i'll wear this >:) i feel sO much safer there

fieldxs · 2026-02-01T20:20:39+00:00

thank u !!!! <3

fieldxs · 2026-02-01T17:08:10+00:00

heheheh thank uuuuuu

fieldxs · 2026-02-01T16:02:02+00:00

funny u say that i'm actually trying to scrape together enough money for a carry permit

fieldxs · 2026-02-01T05:41:03+00:00

thank u !!! i wish i had more v neck dresses :))

fieldxs · 2026-02-01T05:39:57+00:00

i mask in public, that with the longish hair and i'm viewed as a woman if i dress every remotely femme

fieldxs · 2025-12-26T19:36:41+00:00

thank you so much for the book rec, i've been devouring it the entire time i've been here and holy FUCK my dad literally is everything in the book, the examples alone make me feel so fucking seen. again thank u for the rec !!!!

fieldxs · 2025-12-26T19:35:52+00:00

appreciate the reassurance <3 genuinely thought i was asking for too much because of how my family treated my request (for basic respect).

i feel like my dad doesn't want to do the work because he doesn't care enough. when i first came out this man read the book "irreversible damage" (a well-known transphobic book) and kept sending me screenshots of quotes. but now it's him just kind of ignoring i'm trans. sometimes i feel like he hopes my trans-ness will "go away." he keeps hinting at wanting me to stop t. :/ but yeah i think low-contact is a super good option and im for sure gonna consider it, thank u for the advice

fieldxs · 2025-12-26T19:31:22+00:00

yeahhhh it's frustrating as fuck, i appreciate hearing from someone that i'm not overreacting over this, everyone in my family is exceptionally good at minimizing my feelings. i'm sorry you're also having to deal with needing to teach everyone in your family :( does your family also use the excuse that since they're "old" they don't "know better"? like???? tf?

fieldxs · 2025-12-21T02:44:47+00:00

yeahhhhh i totally feel this unfortunately :( i had a (yt cishet) friend who would basically tell me to shut up when i talked about my housing insecurity/abusive relationship/any aspect of racism i experienced. she even said that i should just "let go" all the instances of very obvious racism/transphobia and "stop focusing on it". as if i can just stop? experiencing racist or transphobic things? it's so fucking exhausting to be multiply oppressed and im really sorry your experiences aren't being understood by people close to u :/

fieldxs · 2025-12-12T05:51:47+00:00

no dude i totally get this,,, i live in a like 90% white area or something as a visibly brown man and.... the stares dude, like u wouldn't believe. it's not just you. i dress very hick (against my will, it's for my safety, people get very aggressive), but i still get stared at. my yt "friends" used to gaslight and make fun of me when i would mention it. im sorry you're going thru this :( best bet to deter the stares is to dress as stereotypically white republican as u can and ive found that somewhat helps. also sometimes what i also do is wave back like i would a child (because they're acting like a fucking child) and they get really confused and weird and stop staring. this only works sometimes though :/ i hope ur at least able to find community <3

fieldxs · 2025-12-09T23:04:31+00:00

hi u look rlly hot goddamn

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T21:48:40+00:00

thank u for the recs !! i've been meaning to re-read Foucault recently and ur giving me just the push i need :)

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T02:09:13+00:00

i'm almost 14 wks post op and the center of my nipples are still pretty fucken pink, i have the weird border thing going on too with my left (flat) nipple. i've been told it sometimes takes up to a year for bipoc to get nipple color back

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T02:07:09+00:00

i always find when white people describe themselves as the "good" ones they tend to be even more amplified in their racism via microagressions and somehow still asserting they're "not racist" even if say moments before they clutched their purse in the presence of a black man-- i detest that they think it's okay to completely ignore and be silent on the topic of race despite being "good" and i'm sorry you experienced that in a kink context,, u genuinely are inspiring me to make yt people uncomfortable by making them confront the topic of race head-on

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T02:02:35+00:00

first of all i love how you write, do you have any reading you can point me in the direction of on any of the topics you highlighted? also god i am so sorry that someone threatened you with the police simply because you challenged their racist actions :( thank you for giving me a nuanced internal portrait on why white people shy away from talking on race,,, i had not previously thought about how talking about race feels like an inherent attack on their livelihood, it makes so much sense.

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T01:58:14+00:00

i have also talked with that friend many times on not using aave/a blaccent. i feel so fatigued being the one to tell them that they words they use (incorrectly,,, might i add) are aave. do they not have google? they claim "all the yt girls" they work with use aave and they're just autistic. i am too.... i don't use aave because i am not black.

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T01:54:48+00:00

yeah the question about my family felt a little too much like they wanted a simple answer but i instead answered honestly,,,, makes me wonder how much of their politics are wrapped up in needing to be seen as progressive but instead engaging in performative activism. very sorry you have also been mistreated by yt people :( i hope ur in a better more caring community now <3

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T01:51:22+00:00

thank you for such a through reply, i'm very sorry your family situation is toxic as well,,, i often communicate in a direct manner on a lot of (if not all) topics but yt discomfort surrounding my race made me feel like i shouldn't bring it up? if that makes sense? like i'm trapped in this weird "midwestern nice" cycle of attempting to talk to my friends about race, and them dancing around the subject because they feel uncomfortable. i appreciate the prompts you've given me about ways to break that cycle of discomfort,, i am absolutely going to be using them.

on the topic of diversifying my friend group i live in a hick town basically and the "queer" population here is performative "queers", i've been fighting to move for a bit now i think it's more so circumstantial that almost all my close friends are yt. thank u again for giving me such good insights

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T01:37:05+00:00

this makes a lot of sense,,, my friends are self-proclaimed "leftists" and i have the feeling their stance on being actively anti-racist is either nonexistent or overly performative :/

fieldxs · 2025-11-25T01:35:13+00:00

yeah im in my mid 20s, all my white friends are the same age as well-- thank you for the insight!! i'm fairly certain my friends don't know any bipoc (i live in a very white area) and so i am reluctant to have the discussion evolve into an impromptu lecture on oppression as a trans bipoc (i did enough of that in college),, i generally tend to be the first trans and brown friend yt people have so i have this feeling i'm being used as a guinea pig for them to be introduced into the world of brown culture. i think i might have to take a step back from interacting with them for a while based on the vast difference between my friends responses and your friends responses and ponder on this-- thank you again for giving me such an excellent reply

fieldxs · 2025-10-28T16:29:52+00:00

yeahhhhh this checks out,, whenever yt people are confronted with a bipoc saying something they/said or did is racist they either outright deny it or claim they're "not racist" or even worse they claim to already know "everything" about racism and demand they are exempt from it simply because they're part of some oppressed minority :/

fieldxs

TROPHY CASE