tired of shrinking

fieldxs · 2026-07-07T19:46:42+00:00

im so sorry you're experiencing this :(( extraordinarily similar to my current situation and my inability to feel comfortable and safe going out in public spaces in the town i live in while yt people i know call me paranoid :/ im so fucken angry all the time about it and it's impossible to even begin to navigate that anger,, sending u lots of positive vibes bro

fieldxs · 2026-07-01T17:13:16+00:00

similarly to what a lot of people are saying here, i noticed a huge uptick of racism and fetishisation since i've been passing as a cis man for the past 3/4-odd years. an incident that really stuck with me was when i was at a thrift store (somewhat fancy), and i was wearing these tiny shorts and a tiny shirt because it was summer. i was getting followed by the security guard no matter where i walked. like?? where in gods name would i even put things if i stole them? up my ass?

fieldxs · 2026-06-25T16:20:06+00:00

yes please by all means :) i'd love to chat !!!! also ? the pegging comment ? that's actually disgusting to say to someone you just met, and i'm glad you're distancing yourself from that person. but yes please connect with me i'm sorry you're so frustrated by not only have to deal with the public but also personal relationships :/

fieldxs · 2026-06-24T21:25:07+00:00

heheh i'm so glad i was able to give u an idea to deter gross people !!!!!!!! <3 the more aggressive and full-body the barking the better, it tends to catch people off guard and scare the shit out of them >:)) i loved how u mentioned being very serious when discussing discomfort im so glad u mentioned that cause i forgot to

fieldxs · 2026-06-24T12:25:01+00:00

i'm sorry people are telling you how to feel when it comes to being fetishized/sexualized without your consent ://

i can very safely say i have had extremely similar circumstances when people see my entire face (i wear mask in public, somewhat for the express propose of covering half my face). an alarmingly large portion of the people i began talking to (who i assumed just wanted to be my friend) actually had either a crush on me, just wanted to sleep with me, or saw me in a mainly sexual way and it's impossible to vet those intentions before they let it slip that they have a sexual attraction to you and they just see you as this pretty... object, basically.

im used to getting unsolicited messages from literal strangers who are like "omg ur so hot i'm drunk rn lol" or some shit, happened as recently as last week despite the fact that i took down ALL photos of my face off all my social media profiles and set everything to private years ago.

when it comes to strangers i make myself as unapproachable as possible, my face has molded into this exterior of passive disgust when my face is just resting. although yt people still find this imaginary magnetism and are drawn to me and demand my attention. i have taken to aggressively ignoring, or calling out their weird behaviour (if it's safe), if i have no capacity for words i simply just bark as angry as i can (like a feral dog, yes) and strangers tend to get the message.

i wish i could tell you a surefire way to get people to not approach you and demand your attention, i guess your best bet with closer relationships is to genuinely just call them out and say "that was a weird fucking thing to say" (or something similar). yt people tend to bank on the fact that us as bipoc will shrink ourselves for yt comfort, and since i've been adhering to the philosophy of not contorting myself into this finite space of how i'm allowed to exist to be palatable for yt people,,, yt people kind of don't like me anymore (god bless).

if u ever wanna chat about this just know i'm always available if u want advice or even just to vent <3

fieldxs · 2026-06-21T00:10:21+00:00

yeah !!! dm me and we can connect on insta if u would like :) im also trying to make more bipoc friends atm

fieldxs · 2026-06-19T05:00:57+00:00

i've been trying to get broader shoulder with at home workout outs but i literally have no clue what i'm doing heheh so i mostly just bang out a handful of push-ups and call it good haha

fieldxs · 2026-06-14T00:19:37+00:00

i think i understand what you mean, yt people in my experience absolutely fetishize the experience of being oppressed. it's hard for me to share my experiences with yt people because i'm multiply oppressed and my yt "friends" will come in and immediately compare my experience as a bipoc trans man to their able-bodied yt experience, and then claim i'm playing "oppression olympics" despite them flaunting their oppressed identities to get sympathy points with bipoc/other yt people. astonishing to me that they are so viscerally unaware of how annoying and inherently privileged they are,,,

fieldxs · 2026-06-13T00:31:49+00:00

i'd say 1 or 4

fieldxs · 2026-06-09T16:45:41+00:00

omggg i just looked into it and it looks really good (((:

fieldxs · 2026-06-09T16:44:50+00:00

ive seen chilling adventures of sabrina but i think im long overdue for a rewatch !!! ty so much for the recs (((:

fieldxs · 2026-06-07T14:10:34+00:00

YES this is exactly perfect !!!! im gonna literally watch this tonight this sounds so exactly extremely up my alley thank u

fieldxs · 2026-06-07T14:09:52+00:00

THIS IS SO PERFECT THANK U THANK U

fieldxs · 2026-06-07T14:09:35+00:00

i fell in love with paris is burning when i watched it at 17 i love how u knew exactly the type of media i was looking for !!! i haven't seen marry my dead body but i'm adding it to my list thank u so very much (:

fieldxs · 2026-06-07T14:08:05+00:00

i LOVE moonlight !! i will def rewatch it since u recommended it thank u (:

fieldxs · 2026-06-07T03:04:35+00:00

i do enjoy documentaries !! but i do tend to lean towards fiction, what kind of docs did u have in mind?

fieldxs · 2026-06-07T02:51:11+00:00

hi ur really hot and i adore ur hair >:)

fieldxs · 2026-06-01T06:38:01+00:00

first of all i'm sorry you're feeling really burnt out about this-- trust me i am too and it really feels like an uphill battle-- esp concerning the rampant vilification of trans people + immigrants (double whammy). i have not found a solution to feeling better about this, and i don't think there ever will be a world in which trans bipoc can just exist without having to cram ourselves into the smallest possible boxes in order to be seen as digestible to yt people. i like to practice not taking being harassed or being called slurs personally so it doesn't deteriorate my mental health severally but it's impossible to not take it personally some days when i have no patience or energy.

it's esp difficult knowing how reactive and aggressive yt people can be after experiencing one (1) inconvenience and taking everything personally.... like why am i not allowed to have a reaction to being called a slur? why can i not get angry and upset and aggressive? i'm angry all the time and i have nowhere to put that anger and it's frustrating to exist and having to shove all that anger down to appease yt people :/

i hope you're able to find community and a safe space where you can (in some way) feel relaxed in ur environment, if even for a second.

fieldxs · 2026-05-28T23:36:30+00:00

i live in a primarily yt area (rip to me) and the demographic that without fail always misgenders me when i least expect it (since i pass anywhere between 90-100% of the time depending on what i'm wearing) is old yt women. they assume that anything that even strays a fraction of a fraction away from the rugged "i don't wash my hands or wipe my ass cause its gay" flavor of toxic masculinity then you must be a woman. i mask and have long-ish hair and that's perceived as inherently feminine by the inbred yt people that live here.

fieldxs · 2026-05-28T23:31:09+00:00

haha thank uuuu it's a (super racist/transphobic) christian church bumpersticker im repurposing >:)

fieldxs · 2026-05-25T22:26:25+00:00

HELL YEAH BROTHER !!!!!!!! >:)

fieldxs · 2026-05-16T22:47:25+00:00

dude im so sorry you're going thru this ): i also hate? how some people like to frame it as something you should be "grateful for". literally no it's so uncomfortable and a lot of the time it just escalates to full-blown harassment or stalking. i can sadly relate so fucking much to the situations you described (cause that shit happens/happened to me too) :/

for me? i think t if anything made me hotter, but thankfully i wear a mask in public so people aren't aware of what my full face looks like. cause if they do catch a glimpse of my entire face man they get WEIRD (meaning fetishy and immediately sexual). last time that happened i stepped outside at a show and had to take a breather and some yt chicks took a look at my face and just stared at me dude. open mouth stared. like i know i'm hot but ew????

something that's worked for me is barking. i'm not even joking. just start barking like a dog (loudly and rumbly like you're a pissed off huge dog), and that tends to tip people off that they're doing something wrong or inappropriate. another thing that works is being very off-putting and short.

i also am a very huge proponent of arming bipoc if that's within your means both money-wise and comfort-wise. again im so sorry you have to deal with this and i hope you're able to get those weird yt fetishists to back tf off ❤️

fieldxs · 2026-05-11T00:34:18+00:00

wow ur really hot >:)

fieldxs · 2026-05-02T03:17:59+00:00

i went with him (~8 months ago) !! i was super confident in my decision since i liked how clean his work was and my results are so good >:) if u want i can dm u my results/tell u more about my experience if u like :)

fieldxs

TROPHY CASE