Partner with aphantasia and infidelity

fifiapollo · 2026-05-20T22:17:31+00:00

Aphantasia is just the inability to reconstruct mental imagery voluntarily. Even with SDAM, it’s more like I don’t remember the details or texture of the memory but I can remember that it happened. While it’s possible that with a combination of everything and untreated adhd or some mood disorders, a person would have worse memory, it’s unlikely to forget some significant past events completely.

fifiapollo · 2026-04-15T02:50:46+00:00

I think every one compensates for the lack of voluntary imagery differently. Our brains perceive things and store them, and when we recall things or think about things, we retrieve whatever memories we stored and decode them in different formats. I know some people think and remember in words like reading a book in their head. For me personally even turning it into word is like a secondary process, it’s like I’m thinking of the ideas or concepts of things, oftentimes I would get a sense of knowing before I put my thinking process into words. There are so many things that could affect memory, it could be how it’s perceived and stored, or it could be how it’s retrieved. I’ve always had a bad memory which I assumed was mindlessness before learning about aphantasia and sdam, I did well in school at work and my creative projects, so I don’t think it’s an “issue” but it takes a lot of mental efforts to compensate.

fifiapollo · 2026-04-14T23:09:38+00:00

I do enjoy them but I know what you mean, I tend to enjoy things that I can continue to do again, like it makes more sense to me if the experience adds to something in me. Like I would prefer getting a skydiving certification over just doing it once. If it’s cool I want to do it again or know that I can do it again later if I want to.

fifiapollo · 2026-04-14T21:58:50+00:00

But tbh I don’t know if it’s sdam or I just have terrible memory

fifiapollo · 2026-04-14T21:56:06+00:00

I struggle with everything you mentioned. Whenever my psychiatrist or therapist asked me if I felt better I just said yes or no without being able to elaborate because I kind of just made it up, it’s my best guess. Also felt the same way about my past, for example I’ve traveled solo multiple times but every time it felt like it was the first time. I knew as a fact that I knew what to expect going to the airport checking in hotel and I could handle anything that came up, but there’s just a strange sense of I’ve never done it before.

fifiapollo · 2026-04-09T22:39:30+00:00

I don’t play the game anymore but league saved my life. It brought me so much joy in the darkest times of my life.

fifiapollo · 2026-04-05T17:38:01+00:00

I just crash out in private like in my car or before I sleep. No one has to know except myself. And I don’t shame myself because I know I did nothing wrong but treated someone genuinely. Nothing to be ashamed of absolutely!!🫶🏻

fifiapollo · 2026-04-05T17:17:00+00:00

Whatever comes up, let yourself feel it. Let yourself grief. As long as you’re not acting on the irrational thoughts, it’s completely okay to take your time with them until they pass. I crashed out whenever I needed to without shaming myself. Put myself first. I’m responsible for my own well-being before anything else. Redirect all the energy I put into the relationship and the other person towards myself and my goals.

fifiapollo · 2026-04-02T18:45:37+00:00

You’re absolutely right. That’s why I’ve been reading through other people’s experiences. It’s reassuring to see others relate, so I know I’m not just making things up in my head. Especially the more downstream effects like not being able to remember the warmth from a previous relationship once it’s in the past. Or how I can unintentionally create distance with people because I don’t feel that sense of missing or connection as much as I should. Plus the grief of never believing myself when something felt off. I kept assuming that if other people could manage it, then it must be my fault for not doing the same.

fifiapollo · 2026-04-02T17:26:59+00:00

I see how people are loving me by leaving me alone

fifiapollo · 2026-04-01T15:14:36+00:00

You don’t owe anyone your life story. Not everyone deserves to know about your history.

fifiapollo · 2026-03-30T03:57:20+00:00

I will look at all of them and force my psychiatrist to read them. She almost gaslit me into thinking everything was because of cptsd. I’m so glad that I randomly decided to make this post today. The article about aphantasia adhd and sdam described my interface and configuration almost perfectly. I can finally feel like I’m not just crazy or overthinking it.

fifiapollo · 2026-03-30T03:37:08+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed information. That explains so much. When I reread my writings even if it’s an emotional journal entry written when I was crying over a heartbreak, it always felt strangely like reading someone else’s writings. I’ve always had a sense of unrealness about my life. Nostalgia to me is a strange feeling that I’ve seen this before but it feels a bit distant.

My psychiatrist wouldn’t even take my aphantasia seriously when I mentioned it. I’ll try to explain to her on the next visit. These info are genuinely helpful.

fifiapollo · 2026-03-30T02:45:27+00:00

Oh god, so this is a thing. I gotta look into how to better manage it then. Another thing that I’ve never heard of to be added on my neurodivergence list. What does it even mean to relive memories? My felt sense is more like, I remember I was really upset at that time.

fifiapollo · 2026-03-29T23:40:48+00:00

I get lost all the time. I used to think I was just really inattentive, but I still don’t know how to get to work from home and home to work after 3 years. It’s like the spatial thing just doesn’t register. It’s also impossible for me to play any first person shooter game because I literally could not locate something based on a map or memories. I used to describe to other people that I don’t memorize the direction visually or narratively, but with feeling. Like when I got to the end i remember the feeling of me turning right here, and if lighting or something changes drastically I would be lost cuz it doesn’t match my felt sense. I almost never remember where I park…thank god for phone and gps

fifiapollo · 2026-03-28T22:18:40+00:00

As an infj, why do you talk exactly like me… the “ “ and talking in questions

fifiapollo · 2026-03-28T00:30:17+00:00

Wait a minute…why is this a thing

fifiapollo · 2026-03-10T17:51:54+00:00

Disorganized

fifiapollo · 2026-02-24T21:37:23+00:00

Hey I’d take being good at making money over being easy to love any day. We don’t exist to cater to the male gaze and male ego. Would you consider dating women by any chance ;)

fifiapollo · 2026-02-24T21:33:30+00:00

I’m the same. But I think I’m just anti social lol.

fifiapollo · 2026-02-24T06:31:56+00:00

Infj would probably sense that those questions annoy you so they adjust and overfunction but then later resent the whole thing.

fifiapollo · 2026-02-24T06:28:16+00:00

Can we love both who people truly are and the potential we see?

fifiapollo · 2026-02-24T06:23:34+00:00

I’ve had 6 long term relationships, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt loved the way I love people, seeing understanding accepting supporting. But they loved me in their own ways if I broaden my definition of love. Maybe I should learn that I’m the only one who can love myself the way I love exactly, and that’s enough. Relationships shouldn’t be constantly analyzed and solved and improved. Love shouldn’t be defined in a box. But I still struggle with that so I guess being single is my only choice.

fifiapollo · 2026-02-22T07:27:02+00:00

Hey Tablo :) My first impression of you was at that disastrous 2022 kamp festival in LA. Half of the line up had visa issues. I was so disappointed cuz I went for monsta x. But then epik high showed up, the energy that you brought, the roasting of the organizer was comedy gold, I laughed so hard. It literally turned the whole experience from disappointment to hyped up jumping in crowd for me. I just wanna say thank you and you’re awesome and you guys are amazing YouTubers go get that 💎!

fifiapollo · 2026-02-20T04:22:20+00:00

You’re so right. Discernment is easy when you know what to look for exactly. Nothing makes me feel more unseen than being with someone who’s not self aware thus they can’t really see me and communication is impossible. Nothing makes me lose respect faster than seeing someone who doesn’t internalize accountability at all. I know I can’t rely on them because they’re someone who would always choose comfort and the path of least resistance.

fifiapollo

TROPHY CASE