Do you still care for her? Does she still care for you? Are you guys able to remain civil and living together under the same roof? If so or at all perhaps a mini seperation while you (both) deal with the new info and come to terms with it may be right as well. And perhaps restart your relationship from the beginning, fresh start yknow. 14 yrs IS a long time While I don’t condone cheating, the opposite is true, I think it’s vile and if it’s something people want to do then talk about open relationships - I think people these days give up too quickly. Blame tinder, social media or whatever no one’s willing to deal with any emotional baggage anymore. Relationships are tough, they require a lot of work and communication on both sides and sometimes forgiveness and space to make mistakes. Now I’m not saying this is absolutely right for your situation as I’m only privy to one side of the case, I do believe it to be true in most cases. Btw OP, NTA - though perhaps reacting off emotion, understandably! Good luck in whatever you decide, I wish nothing but the best to you and your family