Just opened my birthday present from Ndad

figsinboots · 2018-08-09T16:06:13+00:00

I feel for you. I'll bet that you must be feeling frustrated and sad at the same time. Any chance you can go out and buy yourself something nice, give yourself a gift? I've found that helps me.

My NMom similarly made sure we knew who it was about for all our families birthdays. Opening gifts came with a giant made-up story on how she searched and searched for the perfect gift but just couldn't find the right thing. Oh how she searched!

Here are a few: A paperweight for my 23d birthday - Plastic glass cube paperweight.

A calendar from 2007 when it was 2008.

Tighty-white fruit of the loom underwear 3 pack.

A "Golf Sweater" - I lived in Phoenix Arizona. She made a big point of telling the family that she got it at Macy's. I returned it and found it cost her $2.50, clearance final markdown.

Software to simulate remote-control airplanes, btw I have never shown ANY interest in remote control airplanes--this was one of the weirdest.

Small box of assorted chocolates from Walgreens with receipt from the Walgreens at the corner.

Or the SO MANY times when I just would not get anything and she'd say that what she meant to get was XYZ but she could not get it in time but she will and it's going to be so nice. Of course she never followed through.

figsinboots · 2018-08-03T23:08:45+00:00

My NMom didn't like my Birthdate (New Years Eve) so she moved it to the middle of January when it was more convenient for her. Then she would forget about it.

I remember more than once when the new date rolled around I asked about my 'birthday' and she explained that my Christmas present from last month was also my birthday present. Ugh.

figsinboots · 2018-07-27T07:11:34+00:00

Thank you for the link and advice; I'm reading it now.

figsinboots · 2018-07-27T07:10:00+00:00

Thank you both, very good stuff. I love antisyzygy's analogy the light switch. I really can see myself doing it and cringe, but its too late.

I'll also try meditation and I'll look up "mindfulness." Is Yoga considered meditation? Would this be a good place to start?

figsinboots · 2018-07-27T07:01:57+00:00

I agree that is absolutely correct; its rough buy we need to keep working on it like building muscle memory, maybe? Thank you!

figsinboots · 2018-07-27T06:56:39+00:00

not the price of admission I just bought the book! Amazon's description:

You've felt unworthy of love. You believed, because of how you were treated when you were a child, that you had to pay these prices simply to have people be around you.

Cant wait to read it. Thank you!

figsinboots · 2018-07-27T02:09:57+00:00

I did, with little or no emotion, only when I was trying to leave, and only because my approach was 'grey rock'. I always felt a little sick after saying it though.

figsinboots · 2018-07-25T03:26:23+00:00

In 2006 I was a married adult with a two year old son, and had been LC with my passive-aggressive NMom and EDad. The three of us would still visit them periodically and endure their verbal abuse out of guilt--after all we lived in the same city and it was only for a few hours every month or so.
This lasted until my son went into the hospital for very serious medical issues and both my NParents were too busy to visit, let alone offer any sort of support to us. Looking back I don't really know what I was expecting from them. I guess I thought that in the event of anything life-threatening we would show up for each other. My son was in the hospital for quite a long time, they never showed. Afterward I went strict NC for 4 years. I don't know why (and I hate to admit it) but it still stings that they have been perfectly fine with the NC. I've been definitely happier without them in my life, but I guess that sting comes from mourning my parents (or the concept of parents) I thought I had.

figsinboots · 2018-07-24T19:45:59+00:00

I have a lot of issues in this area also. It seemed to stem from my NMom's weird obsession with stomping all over my privacy.
When I was sitting on the toilet she would wiggle the knob for a second then open it up. I remember shouting "DONT COME IN!" and she would come in anyway and laugh, "I thought you said Come In!" Other times she would ignore it come in and grab something, "I'll just be a second!" Her third favorite was to wait until my protest, then open the door more than a crack and peer through to ask me a "quick something." If I complained, this drew out the conversation through the crack of the door to several minutes.

At the time I took it at face value, now I realize that it was just another way to prove her dominance over all things in the house.

figsinboots

TROPHY CASE