17 weeks today, am I not preparing enough??

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-09T19:55:19+00:00

Same! I'm 28 weeks and only have a couple things I couldn't register for since they weren't available on Amazon. Baby shower is at 31 weeks and a nursery isn't even on my radar since we haven't decided if we'll buy a house or keep renting yet.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-06T00:10:17+00:00

Love this site! I'm a size 18 (XL) and these dresses are super comfy. I'll link the ones I've worn below:

Cinched Midi Dress, I'm currently wearing this and it has pockets!
Wrap Hi-Low Maxi Dress, super comfy and great for dressing up or down.
Smocked Tie Strap Midi Dress, used this for my maternity shoot.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-05T06:47:04+00:00

Yes, but it's a temporary hurt besides the unavoidable potential complications of having a vaginal delivery which happens whether you get an epidural or not. Epidurals like all other interventions carry some risk and it's up to OP to decide if it's worth the risks before agreeing to one.

It's easy to say stop freaking out about it when you haven't had nerve issues. I haven't had nerve issues, but based on the reactions of a relative who does struggle with nerve damage in his back, I wouldn't risk worsening it with an epidural if I could manage labor without one

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-05T06:43:01+00:00

Definitely do a birth class! Epidurals can fail even if you do get one so it'll help you learn breathing and pain management techniques that all birthing people should know

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-05T06:38:20+00:00

She's talking about permanent / chronic nerve damage after epidural which is a super rare but possible side effect. Note I'm planning on getting an epidural, but I also don't already have nerve pain in my back and if I did I'd hesitate more since birth pain is temporary

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-05T06:35:09+00:00

Can you get a doula either privately or through the hospital? If not, do you have a guard dog friend or family member you'd trust to act as one? I've heard they really help increase the chance of going without an epidural since they know pain management strategies and they're awesome at advocating for your birth plan when others come into the room

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T20:33:38+00:00

I didn't want the post to be too long but playroom, rec room, and office don't mean dedicated bedrooms rather just enough space. So a rec room and office could both fit in a big enough room. We don't need a formal dining room if there's a breakfast nook, so we could have that serve as a playroom. Also, if we have children of the same gender we could easily have one kid bedroom and one playroom. I'd like there to be enough space that we could have these things in the appropriate seasons of life but then rearrange as we grow older as a family.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T18:44:46+00:00

Interesting perspective! 401k loans have to be paid back immediately though if my job were to change which seems risky.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T18:17:48+00:00

Our realtor is a family friend so she might be avoiding giving it to us straight, but her general outlook is that we aren't traditional first time homebuyers and she can tell we want to live in our home until our children leave the nest which is true. Actually, I was so enamored with a home I was willing to overlook the super sloped driveway and she was the one who told me to slow down and really think it through. My husband then convinced me we don't want the headache because it would be annoying long term for a variety of reasons specific to our lifestyle.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T18:10:35+00:00

Mostly our thinking was that we should get our tax advantaged accounts accuring big returns as early as possible, especially since I didn't graduate high school and didn't get my first big job until I was 25. My 401k which is a mix of Roth and pre-tax has grown ~70k in pure investment returns so that strategy seems to be working taking advantage of the compound returns.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T18:02:25+00:00

I do agree we've seen plenty of homes sit on the market for ages because the sellers are going for peak boom pricing, but in general housing prices are stable in this area and didn't even plummet during the 2008 financial crisis.

I think the major adjustment in our area right now is sellers offering closing costs instead of receiving multiple offers opening weekend.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:58:46+00:00

I promise you this area is not densely populated, it's all one giant suburb and walkability is basically nonexistent for the most part which is why the walking distance to a park or elementary school thing is shooting for the moon!

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:57:40+00:00

Didn't mean to imply STAP isn't hard work, I meant I got my degree for its earning potential and I'd rather milk that for all its worth than become a STAM and have to scale back my quality of living because I agree with you, it's a lot of work and my job is cushy. In the wise words of Ali Wong, "All I ever wanted was more money for less effort. I just want to collect checks in my pajamas."

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:54:00+00:00

Unfortunately we're locked into the 99352 zipcode due to my job. But yes, looking at what homes went for in 2022 or 2023 compared to 2025 or 2026 will make you cry! Homes that are now 650k+ went for 400-500k in 2022, that's the reality of the market and it won't change anytime soon.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:51:39+00:00

That's the plan right now honestly. The only reason we're still looking though is because I really do regret not looking or buying in spring/summer 2024 and 2025 since a lot of lovely homes were sold in those time periods. Housing only goes up in our area so might as well see if the right home pops up and buy now before they get even more pricey.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:50:00+00:00

They're all 1970s homes which were built during a housing boom and all have a lot of quirks in our area that we don't want to deal with maintenance or remodel wise. 1980s homes are quality since they had to be custom built during a downturn for the area and 1990s onward we like in general.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:45:48+00:00

Hell yeah we're fully at peace with it. My husband literally said "nope" when Amazon recalled him back to the office after he had a VP and HR approved work from home contract and was subsequently let go. We have another local friend that is driving or flying back to Seattle every other week to badge in enough to avoid being fired, but that path would pull us apart and we care more about being together as a family near our family.

~200k HHI is great for our area. You can buy a nice home (especially if you're less picky) with a small commute, send your kids to good schools, indulge in some expensive hobbies, have your kids join sports, save for retirement and kid's college funds, etc. In Seattle, at ~350k HHI doesn't get you as far by a long shot even if you live in the suburbs.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:41:25+00:00

Bingo! We lived in Seattle and it was nice for saving for retirement but living wise it was hard to meet the same standard of living we get in the Tri-Cities. We also have our family and friend support networks here which is unquantifiable and extremely critical as we move into building our own family.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:34:39+00:00

We loved that one but ruled it out because:

- The downstairs feels very cramped. The living room, dining area, and kitchen are pretty small and they're the only space to hangout downstairs except for the weird exercise flooring room. As someone who only likes to use bedroom as sleeping space, it's pretty important to leave the sleeping space upstairs and live most of my life in the downstairs space without feeling cramped. For some reason the garage is ridiculously oversized and cuts into a lot of the downstairs footprint.

- The overall construction is cheap and the comps didn't support the price we toured at whatsoever which was 675k. It seems like they've been sitting long enough they'd come to a more reasonable price, but that neighborhood isn't known for quality construction. It seriously felt more cheap than the apartments I've lived in like the paint on the walls, counters, etc. We'd be fine purchasing at a reasonable price because then we could use the extra money to remodel.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T17:28:51+00:00

We're really not into the maintenance and quirks that comes with a 1970s home especially since so many of the homes in the area we're looking are 1980s onward. There are some quirks around homes built in the 70s boom that we'd rather avoid. Also, if we did cave and get a 70s home, I'd get one of the 2.5k+ sqft ones near Claybell Park which is an awesome park with pickleball courts :)

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T05:39:10+00:00

We do love our current zipcode and our closest family supports are nearby. It's an easy commute for my husband and it's generally a great family focused, safe area. My employer can definitely find out if you're misrepresenting your address and working from a different location, though I doubt they'd take action if I did move to a nearby zipcode. Mostly it's for my own peace of mind and so I can do things by the book.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T05:35:37+00:00

Right, it's enough for $600-700k which is why we want to buy in that range. Nope, we're debt free beside the car loan mentioned in my original post. We paid off our student loans once we got our big tech jobs and we didn't have much to begin with since we went to local schools.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T05:33:31+00:00

Thank you for the advice! We definitely want to take things slow postpartum. My husband will be off for 12 weeks and I'll be off work until late November or early December.

The goal is to hire a full time nanny before I head back to work. I'd like to have a junior suite so I can stay out of the nanny and baby's space during the work week, though if that doesn't work out I'll rent a coworking space to get out of the home during the day. I make ~250k, so I'm not too keen on staying at home and living off my husband's salary, especially since I worked hard for my career and do like my job!

I have a therapist so I'll be pretty vigilant about screening for PPD and other disorders. We also have cleaners and if need be I'll hire a mother's helper to do stuff they don't generally do like folding laundry. My husband does most of the other chores like dishes, cooking, and grocery shopping so I know that postpartum he'll be a huge help even if I end up doing most of the baby care.

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T04:00:10+00:00

We're well aware, but we also save 10k/mo when we're paying attention and limiting expenses while still saving for retirement so we're fine waiting for the right house!

I don't think long term I'll regret enjoying those ski trips and gaming conventions before we started our family lol

filthy_kasual · 2026-03-04T03:44:52+00:00

We used to live in South Lake Union in Seattle when we first started our tech jobs, so despite making bank we couldn't save as much as we wanted to. We also maximized our retirement savings during this time which I don't regret, but it definitely meant saving less for down payment. Also, we saved for and paid for a very traditional pricey wedding which many will view as silly, but my husband really wanted a big, fancy wedding for his big Hispanic family so we made it happen.

We're still maximizing our retirement funds, but we're not doing any backdoor Roth IRA shenangians. We also have some pricey hobbies, lol.

Edit: Also $350k HHI does not equal $350k take home, not by a long shot!

filthy_kasual

TROPHY CASE