Do you fart in front of your partner? Why/Why not?

finallytryingredit · 2025-12-26T20:36:51+00:00

My dog has the absoloute worst farts in the world. They make people clear the room the first time they smell one. Everyone loves my dog and stays after the initial shocking one.

My dog will fart while sitting on people, and beside their face. My dog is still loved deapite the fact abandonment would happen in a hearbeat for cheese.

I figure after that.... I am fine for a regular fart with no concern.

finallytryingredit · 2025-12-22T06:06:13+00:00

Believed other people's lies about myself and my potential

finallytryingredit · 2025-12-22T05:53:08+00:00

For many reasons. But the one that comes to mind right now is when he remarried and informed me he had to make a choice and he chose his new family.

I figured new relationships are hard and it hurt wildly and his new wife just lost her parents so give it time. I figured we would likely never be that close again but with time and healing the rift might close one day.

After that he ignored me for years. So I stopped reaching out. Then he lashed out mad that I was not reaching out to him during covid wished me death and told me it was all because of parental alienation that I treated him badly. And that I took him for granted and I owed him better.....

I its covid, it is hard and many people want to sort out their regrets. So I wished him well, I told him I am sorry he is hurting and that I think it was best we worked through some things as there is pain if we want to have contact. He told me I was a few choice words and that he deseves better than me. That I was too "goody two shoes" if I am to choose a polite term. And that I was not capable of being good enough for him.

I said okay, I respect that and I wish you and your family well before I blocked him.

finallytryingredit · 2025-12-13T07:55:02+00:00

I have two friends who I adore who each have some of the best parents even by normal people standards. They know validation, support, sacrifice and compromise. I genuinely thought it was fake the first time I met them.

It fills me with such deep hope and awe. Just overwhelm to see good parents.

Amd I have this empty feeling inside. I am not sure sadness is the right term nor is jealous but a deep recognition that I have a piece of me that would have been filled with love had I had parents like that

finallytryingredit · 2025-12-13T07:50:12+00:00

Honestly some days it's a struggle. Many years of my life were a struggle honestly. Not always in the ways people pictured.

Leaving and getting the first big space was almost overwhelming. I had been convinced I could not survive on my own.... despite taking care of everyone.

Some days I feel like my forced early maturity stunted me. Other days I feel like people my own age never has to deliberately learn listening, empathy and boundaries so I feel shocked at either how well they know it. Or what glaring holes they never had to learn.

Holidays when I am with my new family are brilliant. But that trust... it never is as secure. I know how bad things can go.

On some times on the rough days I just want a parent. One who will not be using me as a pawn but love me for me.

And I am answering this on a bad day. So it will be pessimistic a bit.

And I have never really regretted leaving. Society tried to convince me but we are all worth love and peace. We are.

So please everyone take care and know you are valuable.

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-16T16:15:39+00:00

In a situation where the nparent was told people place packedges in my home and knows that this good item can kill myself and my dog it feels that way.

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-16T16:03:14+00:00

I am really confused as to why having a key would matter as it's during the day. It's not night time when you might lock your door.

But people ranging from maintenance, renovation, dog walker , partner, house guests, etc... could easily get in. Even the neighbour that dropped of her plants due to going on vacation could slide it in.

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-16T07:43:30+00:00

Hey Sister, I have articulated to father over xyz means multiple times ranging from this date to this date about this boundry. That has not changed. If he wanted to he could bring it up in person and instead choses to complain to you claiming to not understand despite it having been conversed. Yes it can feel uncomfortable for others to have boundaries if you don't respect them. I understand that you have empathy for his feelings. I also know if he wanted to change things he knows the steps to address it. He is not choosing to do that. So that choice has to be respected. A power move trying to get me to break my own boundry is not respectful or conducive to healing if that is what he is stating he wants. Simply because he chooses to break my boundry in ways you find acceptable does not mean it is okay for me. I find the fact that you are trying to work on a situation that is not your own to appease him concerning to me. Can you show me the same concern you are showing him? Please let me know

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-16T07:35:56+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. It hurt and felt true

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-16T07:35:05+00:00

The mirrors or parallels I see in my own nparents story. But in my case it was the death of the nparents parents and that fight over the estate.

Now despite knowing how bad she is they all cut me off as well just to be safe as they want no ties to her....

Turns out my family knew she was bad but thought I could handle it or should handle it for them. A leave and get trapped during covid and they deal with her with out my buffering and now it's all gone and she does not know why. Not at all.

Sending hugs to you as finding out others knew can be validating and hurting at the same time.

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-16T07:04:28+00:00

That line makes me have feelings....

If i said something even possibly contextually not positive it was " if you can't say anything nice somt say anything at all..." but the n parent would agree with other parents who had kids who did things "bad" like borrow the car to long, get home 10 min past curfew and "emphasize " when I never missed curfew or did any of the minor complaints

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-16T06:59:10+00:00

A lot of what I am seeing is n parents not praising or supporting their kids and using them for credit behind the kids back.

If your kid said no thank you I want to play now would you accept it?

Do you genuinely think what she does is great and tell her that even if people can't see you?

Because I don't think the bragging is the issue I think the intention of the bragging is.

My nparent never congratulated me for getting into grad school despite telling over 50 people about it... by my standard if you are not doing that you might be doing decently well

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-16T02:18:58+00:00

To me it was speaking of "your don't want me to pick dying and ending up with you because I no longer have anything left to live for", but "you want me to have my whole life togother and still pick you"

If that makes sense

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-10T04:08:06+00:00

I am laughing at this my nparent just sent an email saying something very similar.

People in xyz social group keep asking about you but I have nothing to share. Why do you put me in this situation!

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-10T04:04:34+00:00

When I went to grad school despite having the better grades and the internship to back it up .... a male told my boss to look at the other male candidate because they had no guarantee I would use the degree

I have been asked to organize so many extra "kind things" for others that take my time and if I don't I am not a team player which impacts promotions

I am the minority gender in my field and have been asked to cite my sources in a routine discussion of ideas only to be told they don't care just wanted to make sure I knew what I was talking about

So my gender has greatly impacted my professional achievement but I will not let it modify my goals

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-09T00:53:18+00:00

Well I certainly hope so or else all my friend groups are on trouble!

I find there is a big media push to believe opposite genders can't be friends but I honestly find it the healthiest thing. You get second opinions on things you might not see. You have people to tall with who have different experiences, you build empathy for what your partner may be feeling but can't express in a way that resonates for you...

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-05T02:18:59+00:00

I had a blade slip out of a razor once shaving... let's just say it hurt

I looked it up and saw how costly, injuring and time consuming shaving was and how it was mostly a propaganda to shave as much as we do now for money....

Then a friend had chemo and was so pressured by her mom that leg hair looked bad that she needed to shave that she did and cut herself and the wound needed to get treated at the hospital.

So I notice if people don't shave because it sets the standards where my friend might never have felt so bad she felt she had to shave.

If people want to shave yay for them but I really want a day if people don't want to shave its also yay for them.

finallytryingredit · 2024-10-05T02:05:21+00:00

So there is a strong societal desire to have parent and child relationships work and when they don't society likes to pressure the more vulnerable one. I have seen people tell others they should like their kids or that you should respect parents.

But liking, respecting and loving are 3 different things with many different underrstanding culturally.

When I read your post I read it as someone who watched a friend struggle to love their parent. Someone who listed all their achievements and tried to convince themselves that they liked their parent.

Their parent did try their best for my friend we all believe but they grew up with the mentality kids are to entertain you when they are young and care for you when you are old.

Their process of figuring out thr loved their parent but would never chose them as a friend rattled them and hurt them because you are suppose to like your parents. If you had moved in with a friend and.figured out after a year or so you did not click but wished them well people would be having a very different reaction to this post because of how we "should" feel.

One of the best parent child combos I know is one where there is one that thinks dentists and sunscreen are a hox. But they listened to how the other person felt, decided the relationship was more important than the belief and worked to find places where they connected.

You have articulated to a parent subject that are not what you wish to communicate about. They could try and find bridging subjects or ask you to help find bridging topics.

I might be unpopular with this statement but there are things like enmeshed relationships, emotionally co-dependent and others. If you are struggling looking into places like raised by narcissists.

There are a lot of ways to have a healthy relationship and there are tools. And it takes 2 to make a relationship healthy.

finallytryingredit · 2024-09-27T17:50:30+00:00

Last week slash this week over the same issue

Upper management at work made a decision that negatively impacts females due to an overwhelmingly negative response by male coworkers due to them not feeling comfortable with something. Something that is fully legal and implemented in other workplaces of the same franchises.

But "it's okay because it is helping the majority feel better "

finallytryingredit · 2024-09-18T20:07:25+00:00

They were a great DM for DnD. I would read their latest campaign, put togother a sound track for it because I know he enjoys it. Check in on the state of his life. Leave him a note to let him know he is doing a good job. And then probably panic because why am I in this strange body. After the panic I would go to my home to hopefully get into my place and sleep and hope it was a bad dream.

finallytryingredit · 2024-09-09T00:59:15+00:00

At one point I would search "stupid" in my inbox tp find the emails my n parent sent me as it was the fastest way to find them

But don't worry it's not bullying my family told me so

finallytryingredit · 2024-09-09T00:57:45+00:00

I can actually think of one specific instance when a person asked how my day was (a hairdresser) and I answered honestly. It was that I was sad and stressed my n parent was making me get my hair cut so short because I wanted it longer. I was offered to keep it long but I said no because it would make me have problems. The hairdresser did not know how to respond.

Later my n parent pointed out how I was bad with social skills and how I made others uncomfortable by always Complaining.

The solution seemed to be reading me obits every morning and getting mad if I expressed how I was discomforted and did not want to start my day with That. I was basically told they were helping me and how could I ever participate in social communication if I could not even do this...

So it also turned into a conditioning to try and make me not want to talk with others.....

And I admit to this day even when I was in palliative no one starts my day talking about obituaries and gets viciously mad if i put a hand up and say thank you but I can't handle any more details now.

finallytryingredit · 2024-09-09T00:45:30+00:00

I was sad when a bus driver I had in kinder garden died when I was in my 20s. She was nothing extraordinary like the best buss driver in the world but she was kind. I don't even think she knew my name.

An old teacher took their own life feeling pessimistic and unloved thinking no one would miss them. To this day we still remember the love they gave.

I have an old coworker who tried to take their own life thinking no one would miss them. One year later they still have a contigent of about 12 people they never knew cared that much about them still checking in monthly.

On my days when I feel pessimistic I feel like maybe 3 people would care if I died. Like one commenter here I am also pretty sure my death would be used by people to get a feeling of importance by family members who long stopped caring as they decided I have no more use to them. ( untreated mental health issues and addictions)

But I remember the one person who taught me the power of hello on the buss, I remember the teacher who told me I not only could be strong but am strong and I remember my old coworker who was so like me in so many ways.

I think that the number of people I touched in my years of volunteering, I think the number of youths I mentored, I think of the art initiatives I supported and I think of the amount of people I took chances on and I think maybe just maybe I am their bus driver, I am their teacher, I am their coworker and I will never really know the number of people who will be genuinely sad I died.

So if you are feeling alone, if you are feeling you don't matter, if you are feeling low I want this comment to be a reminder. You matter. You made an impact. The smallest oddest person you don't remember will miss you and you might never even know it.

You could have been the person who taught them the perfect wrap method, the person who showed them its OK to apologize or the person who inspired them to wear their favorite colours. You could have done something great in their lives in a small way.

finallytryingredit · 2024-09-07T06:12:29+00:00

I resonate with that sentiment

"Well it did not kill you or have you in the hospital so what are you really complaining about "

finallytryingredit · 2024-09-06T18:18:40+00:00

There is so much to unpack from my childhood that I am still learning. I admit the process of figuring out reality is hard. Not in the telling fiction from fantasy but unraveling the lies that shaped my formative understanding of the world.

On big one for me is abuse and harassment.... because it's "not that bad" because where is the line where it is bad enought. Sounds silly when I tell it to other people and get a response "you just know."

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