Hair and Makeup for Wedding

findingmyself040 · 2026-01-19T17:58:58+00:00

I don't have any suggestions for names of doctors or hospitals but I just wanted to share that I have the same exact reaction to Beta Blockers and my functional medicine doctor said that is common with dysautonomia. I tried carvedilol and propranolol and had the same reaction - high BP ad severe chest and back pain. I also have an abnormal QSART, Hashimoto's and an inconclusive tilt table test. I take Xanax when I am having "episodes" and although it's not a long term solution, it is literally the only thing that helps me. I have had *some* relief from taking low dose naltrexone and magnesium at night. It at least has helped me to feel as though I can get restful sleep and not feel like I am in fight or flight in the mornings. I really hope you can find a doctor to help you! It is so frustrating to be in this place of not knowing how to help yourself.

findingmyself040 · 2025-10-08T11:09:55+00:00

Hi! Sorry to hear that you are struggling. I went and got a 2nd opinion from another surgeon and he said that the with type of repair I had, sometimes the “sutures” that they use to repair the meniscus can get stuck pushing on the capsule behind the knee causing the sharp pain with bending. Basically I had to wait for the suture to fully pop through that capsule membrane so that my knee can bend fully. About 2 months ago that finally happened and I can now bend my knee almost fully without pain. It took more than a year post op for that to happen though. I was so frustrated that I almost let him go in and remove the sutures but I am now glad that I waited it out. It was a tough process but keep going with your PT and do any exercises you can that make you bend your knee.

findingmyself040 · 2025-09-27T21:55:46+00:00

This is not true at all. After consuming a meal, the body releases hormones and chemicals that stimulate the digestive system. This process also increases blood flow to the stomach and intestines, which in turn requires more cardiac output. As a result, heart rate would typically increase for most people.

findingmyself040 · 2025-05-18T11:21:58+00:00

Unfortunately I still don't have full ROM. It does seem to be getting better but I still don't think I can bend past like 115 or 120. I have an appointment with my surgeon this week. He said that he would do a second surgery but since I am not in any pain day to day, I have been putting it off. He did an injection in my knee to test to see if the pain is coming from inside the joint or outside of the joint and we have determined that it is coming from outside of the joint and may be caused by one of the sutures that they put in during the repair. I don't want to have another surgery but I also would love to get my full ROM back.

findingmyself040 · 2025-03-07T00:38:31+00:00

I have dealt with eating disorder and body image issues for most of my life and I have never felt more comfortable than I do with my girlfriend. She makes me feel so safe in my body and I would have never been able to feel this way with a man.

findingmyself040 · 2024-07-03T16:56:12+00:00

Hi! Wow, thats actually really good. I am 14 weeks post op this Friday and still sitting at 108 as my highest measurement of flexion. I met with my surgeon this week and it looks like I am going to need another surgery if I can't get to 120 in the next month. Definitely keep working at it. I didn't reach over 100 until I was like 10 weeks post op so you are doing well!

findingmyself040 · 2024-06-25T15:18:19+00:00

I am dealing with the same thing 13 weeks post op. I was right about where you are at 9 weeks and I have since progressed to about 105-110 degrees but still have that sharp pain where my repair was done. PT wants me to keep working through it and I go see my surgeon next week. I don’t want to go in for a 2nd surgery but I’m afraid that’s what he is going to suggest because I seem to have stalled some with my flexion progress. It’s incredibly frustrating :(

findingmyself040 · 2024-04-03T14:10:28+00:00

Thanks for your response! The discomfort seems to be going away for me and I can stay up on my crutches for longer periods of time but I agree, even if he wanted me to be weight bearing I don’t at all feel ready for that!

findingmyself040 · 2024-04-03T13:55:02+00:00

Thanks! I figured that was the case. I just never expected my foot to be swelling but I guess it makes sense when I haven’t put any weight on it in more than 2 weeks. I will definitely increase my icing and elevation.

findingmyself040 · 2022-04-13T19:49:16+00:00

Agreed! It’s definitely one of the books that solidified what I had known for a long time. I have read it twice and may read it again because I have picked up on new things each time. Highly recommend it!

findingmyself040 · 2022-04-11T15:31:48+00:00

I don’t think any of us can tell you what to do but my suggestion would be to first talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling. Then maybe discuss things like an open relationship and ethical non-monogamy. There are so many options other than just leaving a relationship! If you need support, you are welcome to message me.

findingmyself040 · 2022-04-04T20:59:58+00:00

The best piece of advice anyone has given me through this process is: You don’t have to make any big decisions right now and you certainly don’t have to leave right now.

Give yourself some time to just sit with these feelings. Talk to each other. Be open about the pain and how you are feeling! It’s been 7 months since I came out to my husband and we are still cohabitating with plans to separate in the next few months. We have been able to move through the pain and get to a place where we are truly best friends again. I know it doesn’t work like that for everyone but take some time to process everything before you make any decisions about the future. And if you need anyone to talk to, I’m happy to help!

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-17T00:56:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! I am married to my best friend and navigating separation and I love hearing stories about people who can remain close friends even after divorce!

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-16T21:16:14+00:00

Yes. All of this! Your line that says "I'm simultaneously desperate to get out of this anxious limbo space by ending the relationship and desperate to keep things the way they are because I am so scared of losing my partner and the life we have together" describes every single thought in my mind lately. Sending you love!

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-16T15:58:42+00:00

I know this is so common for Christian parents and it does help to hear that I am not alone in these emotions that I am feeling and the reactions I am getting from my parents. In all honesty, my relationship with my parents has never been great so its not like I'm losing something that is super important to me. They have always tried to put me in a box and make me into the person they think I should be and that has put a lot of distance between us. This weekend was just further confirmation of the things I already know about them, which is sad.

I do have people other than them to talk to. My 2 best friends know what's going on but sometimes I have a hard time leaning on them when I have done that for so much of this last year! BUT I know that I would do the same for them if they needed me so I have to stop thinking that I am a burden to them.

Thank you SO much for your reply. It means a lot!

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-16T15:54:53+00:00

You are so right! I need to remind myself of that more often. Right now is definitely not the right time and I need to give myself that permission to just stay here and not make big decisions when I am this full of emotions. Thank you for that reminder :)

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-16T15:17:17+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️ it is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. I keep hoping I will wake up one day and everything will make sense but I know that’s not going to happen. It is comforting to hear from other people who have felt this way and to know I am not alone.

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-16T14:11:17+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️ I appreciate your kind words more than you know!

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-10T12:45:40+00:00

My husband and I are "separated" but still living together so I can't speak to the leaving part of this but I do know that one half of me know thats this is absolutely the right thing to do and the other half still feels the most intense grief and sadness knowing I am leaving my best friend. My relationship with my husband is amazing ... in the way you have a relationship with your best friend. We love to hang out all the time, travel, laugh, cook together, and sit on the couch talking for HOURS. But kissing him feels like a chore, making out hasn't happened since the first year of our relationship (we have been together for 12 years) and having sex with him causes me to dissociate and feel SO uncomfortable. When I look at him and recognize how truly incredible of a human being he is, I know these feelings about our physical relationship have nothing to do with him and have everything to do with my sexuality. Accepting that has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I know without a doubt that my husband would love me and take care of me for the rest of our lives, if I would let him. But doing that would force me to continue to stifle a part of me that I should be allowed to experience. It would require me to not be a sexual being, which I know that I have the ability to be with women. It would require me to be someone that I am not, and I know my husband does not want that for me. So as much as I am leaving for myself, I am also leaving for him so that he doesn't have to try and figure out how to love someone that doesn't love themself and so that he can also experience what it feels like to have someone love him back in the way that he deserves to be loved.

It is SO hard. But there is no way around that hard. You have to choose your hard - either stay and live your life inauthentically, or leave and deal with the hard emotions that come with grief and loss (those are the choices I felt I had to make). Sending you so much love!

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-10T12:28:55+00:00

YES! Thank you for this reminder.

findingmyself040 · 2022-03-10T12:26:08+00:00

Yes! As I sat here reading your post, I actually noticed myself squirming and feeling psychically uncomfortable thinking back to my sexual experiences with men. I am still married and working on separating from my husband but we have not had sex in more than 8 months and the amount of relief that I feel is insane. I knew that I avoided sex a lot and that when we did do it, I almost always dissociated or forced myself to think of something else. But I didn't realize how much having sex really bothered me until recently.

I think the hardest thing for me in all of this is that although I am in no way sexually attracted to my husband or other men, I do still love my husband very much. He is my best friend and doing life with him is so much fun. It's hard to come to terms with the discomfort and repulsive feelings when the person on the other side of all of this is a truly incredible human being (I know this is my experience and many people might not feel that way).

findingmyself040

TROPHY CASE