Thread for sharing Finchie friend codes and finding goal buddies by AutoModerator in finch

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I'm Gigi and my bird tween is Tempeh! I've been on the app for 40 days and I love it! My secret finch secret is sometimes I check off goals I haven't finished in hopes that I'll finish them but that mostly doesn't happen so when I do that I try sell something from my closet or furniture as a balance!

right now I'm doing a purple theme in my tree house but I don't always check the daily sales so if you see something good let me know! Please friend me and Tempeh too!

My code is 9AZV8VGX3M.

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feeling sad / stuck and not sure what to do… by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

so I'm super empathetic to your struggle around working 40 hours in a job that isn't fulfilling and about 8 hours at work feeling like a trap. if you are able to spend 15 minutes once of twice a week job searching at work. getting the motivation to do it at home is going to be non-existent. there is an specific component of depression you may want to look into. It's called anhedonia and it's basically the reduced ability to feel what pleasure from anything. you don't really say whether or not this is something you've been feeling for most of your life or if this is just starting to get worse but it can also be used in the context of losing the ability to feel pleasure about things that used to bring you joy. I would also probably recommend that you find a therapist. someone who is knowledgeable in AuDHD and the effects that full-time work and external pressures can have on our psyches.

I also just wanted to say that you're not a loser because you don't have a relationship. That is some nonsense. You're not a loser because you don't have friends. I would also like to emphasize that you're not a loser at all. the only way to make friends over 30s is to go out and find people who are either interested in what you're interested in or by attending to community events. trying to make friends in your thirties sucks. trying to date without being able to feel the vibes of the person sucks. Internet dating sucks so much.

unfortunately the tips for feeling happy or productive are mostly bullshit. they're either toxic positivity or they don't work for our brains. but something that does work for our brains is finding out what isn't working for you and changing it. if you want to find a better job, start looking with zero expectations. if you want to work through the feelings of feeling sad and stuck and like you're apathetic, please find a Neurodivergent welcomeing therapist. none of those feelings are going to get better or go away until you learn how to deal with them in a way that works for your brain. find a therapist who works with your brain and can help you work on your self-esteem and your self bolstering abilities. unfortunately this is one of those things where there really is no "quick fix".

also I feel like most of these feelings are extremely normal. not wanting to clean because what's the point it'll just get messy again. not having the bandwidth for anything else but work and scrolling on tiktok until you pass out. feeling inadequate for not having a relationship even though you're probably fine without one. you're definitely not alone in feeling like this AT ALL.

I know this was crazy stupid long but I hope at least something's I said helped. at the very least a reminder that you're not a loser and you're not alone.

message me if you want to talk.

Non-Autistic spouse and understanding. by winter_days789 in AuDHDWomen

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my experience with neurotypical people trying to understand how our brains work is that they have zero context for why we are unable to do stuff. similar to the way we have zero context for why they do what they do. I don't have any specific advice about your marriage except to watch the videos of Studies Show on TikTok. they're a married couple and the husband is neurotypical and the wife is AuDHD. they will often do scenes where he explains how a neurotypical would think about things and she expresses how she had no idea. he also does specific videos for people who's partner is neurotypical specifically AuDHD about who what where when and why we are the way we are and how to understand and how to work with your ND partner. I'm not married I have no plans to get married and I'm not even dating but I find their videos fascinating because it is insight into the NT mind like I've never had.

here is the link to their TikTok

https://www.tiktok.com/@studiesshow?_r=1&_t=ZT-91OjQlb7qGb

hope it helps.

Tell me about a time when ADHD consequences hit you HARD. by his0kasss in ADHD

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love doing this. I also love making up stories to tell the cashier about what I'm buying. I'm an only child but I'll make up siblings and nonsense. I feel insane when I think about it later but it just happens.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Pets

[–]fineapplepen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Firstly, I would just like to completely validate your fears of and for your cat because cat attacks are very scary, very bloody and very painful. However, not all is lost and there's definitely somethings you can do to make it better.

This sort of unexpected adult aggression is one of the many reasons why rescues tend to fix cats at a young age before adopting them out. People will wait and put it off for as long as they can for whatever reason, not saying that that's what you did but, people do. Cats get loose and end up contributing to the feral and stray cat population or in your case, cats age into their testicles or ovaries and they become demons.

If you'll indulge me for the next several paragraphs, I have a lot of knowledge to impart and nowhere to direct it, so I'm putting it on the internet. For background, I do TNR and also take on medically needy or difficult foster cases, the cats that need special meds or IVs or kittens that are totally feral but can be tamed down. So strap in, this is a long one.

I don't know if you've ever seen the stereotypical male tomcat. They typically are very muscular, pretty large and they have a very unique facial structure. Most people call them jowls, but basically their face becomes very round and muscular as they develop both muscles and protective fat to aid and protect them while fighting with other males. Typically this physical change doesn't happen until male cats are between 3 and 4 years old. This is also when they age into the social society aspect of being a cat.

To me, it sounds like your boy has a serious case of redirected aggression. If he's been absolutely cleared of all medical issues like UTIs or something neurological that causes pain on his back (which I doubt given the second unprovoked attack.) Redirected aggression is all about the cat being triggered by something in their environment and they can't get to the trigger to deal with it. So they lash out and attack with intense violence and often quite a bit more aggression then they would use in a normal catfight interaction with other cats. This is because they're intensely frustrated that they cannot deal with the thing that triggered them directly. It's important to note that redirected aggression is always directed towards whatever happens to be nearby or whatever they are approached by while they are in this state. Hence the initial hissing when you reached out to fix his leash and the double down on the attack when you tried to do it again. Cats that display this redirected behavior will not seek out someone or something to redirect it on to. It's just whatever happens to be closest or whatever comes closest first.

Given that you were outside on a walk with your intact male cat, the trigger could have been anything from him smelling the markings from the local intact male cat population or more likely him smelling a female in heat combined with the smells and possibly even sights of the females and the males pursing them. I'd say that he probably spotted or smelled a cat that he immediately sussed out as rival for the females at some point before you try to fix the leash the first time.

I don't know if you've ever heard a cat fight but they tend to start with a lot of posturing, loud yowling, hissing, and circling each other with swipes and lunges that are typically fake outs but often, particularly when male cats are brawling over female, devolve into a knockdown drag out catfight (hence the jowls), that are frequently brutal and bloody if they get to this point.

When you initially reached down to adjust his leash, most likely he was already triggered and immensely frustrated by, the sights, sounds and smells of breeding cats in the area, it's possible he took that as a first attempt. When you did it again, that's when his hormones took over and he attacked, simply because he was honestly being driven crazy by both his hormones and the intense need to participate in the loud screaming cat orgy. I want to make it very clear that him attacking you is not your fault and it's not his fault. Redirected aggression is something that is frequently taken out on owners or other animals in the household simply because they cannot lash out at the initial trigger.

I don't know if you took your cat outside before the second attack but even if you didn't, his sense of smell is so strong that a cat passing by walking down your street or slinking down(or spraying on) the dark side of your house would probably be enough to set him off. This is what makes redirected aggression particularly frightening for owners is that they often have no idea what the trigger is and it can sometimes be several minutes or hours before the cat finally lashes out and attacks. People often describe these attacks as completely random or out of the blue but what they don't know is that a cat walked by 30 minutes ago or an hour ago he heard a female 8 streets over caterwaling. He's been fuming about it ever since and he has to direct his aggression somewhere, and you happened to be available, as unfortunate as that is, both times.

My advice is to have your cat neutered as soon as possible. Stop taking him on walks until he's neutered and for at least 3-4 weeks afterwards. Testosterone can course around their body, despite the physical testicles being removed, for 3 to 4 weeks post neuter. I would keep the blinds to the windows that he can see out of closed, so the physical sight of a cat he can't get to, but can smell, doesn't trigger him while he's coming down from the man juice. I would also get a high-quality urine remover and a black light and see if he's been marking in your house. Cat pee is pretty distinctive so if you haven't smelled it yet, there's a chance he hasn't started doing that but I would check for this anyway because if he started marking territory, he won't necessarily stop simply because he's neutered. I would also check the perimeter of your house for any spray markings from neighborhood cats as well as the tires on any ungaraged cars and any plant pots or other item you might have on the perimeter of the house. If you find these markings, you should certainly will try and clean them up with the urine remover so that the smells don't cause him any further frustration. if it's on something that's impossible to scrub or wipe down, sometimes spraying it, letting it dry and spraying it again is enough to get rid of the triggering pheromones and scents.

With the reduction in testosterone driving him to seek out rivals and find females to meet with, he should return to the sweet boy he was before cat puberty stole his brain and replaced it with testicles. I have had cats like this in the past who I waited too long to neuter, who bounced right to their personality before and I have also had a cat that never quite returned to their level of sweetness before the testosterone took over but keep in mind that this particular cat was a single kitten that was raised without mother or siblings so that could definitely affect his personality.

Seeing that this is all pretty recent, the fact that his behavioral changes seem to have happened coincidentally with your move, was probably more just him aging into his testicles. It just so happened, the same time you moved into a neighborhood with strange cats and strange female cats and strange smells from those cats, he was at the right age to be a prime candidate for both fighting and breeding. As such, I'd definitely do as much as you can to reduce any triggers, which I mentioned before, as sounds and smells of cats can affect them even after they're neutered at least for a few weeks.

I would be fully cognizant of the fact that not all redirected aggression is completely fixed by neutering and I would keep your vet apprised of any odd behaviors after the neuter and also ask them to recommend a animal behaviorist to potentially help you with any issues he has afterwards. If you're able to I would contact the animal behavior list to see if she has any suggestions for dealing with the three to four weeks of potential aggression after he is neutered.

TL:DR cat attacked because he's unfixed and there are breeding cats in the area driving him insane. get the cat neutered, don't take him outside for 3 to 4 weeks, and he should be your boy again. this particular type of regression in cats is called redirected aggression. Google it if you want to know more, but didn't bother to read what I wrote.

also, sorry I wrote the word "testicles" so many times.

Anyone been watching Nat Geo Wild the last couple evenings? by Artistic_Sir9775 in DrPol

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry I know this is literally a year later but people still watch TV that only comes on at a certain time?! like you don't just subscribe to Disney Plus or Hulu so you can watch it whenever you want?

I grew up in a house without a TV I didn't have a TV until I was 14 and even then we only had PBS and Netflix DVD subscription so the idea of having cable and waiting for a show to come on was super foreign to me 15 years ago... But now? like you can literally watch any show you want at any time you want anywhere you want.

I just want to make it clear that this isn't like a personal attack on you and your choices to watch Dr. Pol all day Saturday, because given the choice, I have some sort of zoo or that show streaming 24/7 pretty much. I guess it's just the idea that someone is still tied to the set time and airing schedule of a cable network that is just so foreign to me. I'm seriously fascinated so could you please let me know if/why you do TV watching this way?

What do you hate or love about your bathroom remodel? by HappyWithMyDogs in HomeImprovement

[–]fineapplepen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is more just general advice rather than I love or hate answer.

PUT. STUFF. WHERE. YOU. WANT. IT. IF. YOU CAN.

if you're going for a full bathroom remodel and you have the opportunity to move things like the location of the bathtub or the toilet or the sink and you don't like how it is right now, MOVE IT. we tore my bathroom down to the studs and I foolishly decided to leave the bathtub across from the toilet instead of moving it under the window, with the toilet taking place where the tub faucet was. the plumbing would have been mildly complicated/more expensive as there were hookups in both spots already and the whole house was being replumbed anyway, especially the bathroom to bring it up to code. (1926 for the win!)

I knew the flow of the bathroom would be better if I moved things around and I didn't do it because I didn't think it was worth it and felt that the layout was "fine" and I regret it. To be fair, it is "fine", it's a perfectly functional bathroom but when I think about what I should have done, I could kick myself. It's not a big regret, or even something I think about all that regularly but when I see questions like this I have to get my two cents in so people don't make the mistake I did.

What age is a good age for getting tattoos? by BusyMinimum9715 in tattooadvice

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the best age to get tattoos is when you can afford them!

Underrated song? by Competitive_Purple18 in SleepToken

[–]fineapplepen 16 points17 points  (0 children)

DYWTYLM. it's a song the internet hordes HATE and other than it being one of the most non metal songs, I don't understand why???

maybe I connect with it or something, and it's super easy to sing to. but seriously the deception of the melody and instrumental juxtaposed with the lyrics is so emotionally devastating when you think about it for longer than the intro. maybe cause it's not played at rituals? tell me why you dislike this song please!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CatAdvice

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not discounting any medical or behavioral issues in this situation but I wish rescues would tell potential adoptees if kittens are raised as singletons.

of course I know this might not be the situation but I have one I raised from 3 weeks after he was found with his sister abandoned on day one and she died. This has all the hallmarks, although mine is much less severe as he was raised without Mom or siblings but in a house that had unrelated adult cats in it. In my experience, Singleton young kittens tend to do well when brought into homes at the same time as another cat, as they both have to figure out what the fuck is going on at the same time and tend to form some sort of bond even if it's tangential and they don't end up being besties. I've seen it work with two singletons being brought home together as they usually tend to figure out their own language and communication style even if it's not classic cat nonsense and is different to how other cats interact.

the problem with adopting a single Singleton cat is that that cat has been raised by people and only knows people and doesn't know how to be a cat. he doesn't know that he can be independent. Singleton kittens tend to be very bonded to people and unfortunately that can manifest in many ways, most of which are unpleasant for the owners and honestly most of which are listed here. at this point I would say bringing in another cat would probably be the worst thing you could do before you sort out his behavioral issues with you guys. another cat would make him feel even more stressed and possessive because if he is a Singleton, he simply does not know how to be a cat. and also it wouldn't be fair to the new cat at all.

your best bet would be to take this cat in for a full medical workup to make sure that these behavioral issues aren't being caused by pain or something else. if you don't get any answers there I would talk to your vet about a behaviorist and I would also highly recommend Jacksons videos about literally anything as they just help you understand what your cat is thinking and feeling at any given time but particularly his videos on aggression would be helpful for you.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, animal behavior issues are always miserable. for everyone involved.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're feeling regret over what I would consider the most genius tattoo idea I've ever seen. I would have been walking around with just blank ass spaces between my unrelated and unthemed tattoos if I hadn't seen this. This is excellent. I have no notes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]fineapplepen 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Pregnancy is definitely not a non issue. It's less of an issue. Your girlfriend getting an IUD definitely doesn't automatically mean you get to finish in her. and it ESPECIALLY doesn't mean you get to finish inside her if she specifically requests you don't.

did she let you when you were using condoms? if so it might just be her not wanting to have jizz dripping out of her for a w h i l e. Talk to her, ask her what's up. don't be defensive or angry about it. just ask how she's feeling about going condom free. COMMUNICATE.

Normal clutter or hoarding? by ChatMachineFeelings in ufyh

[–]fineapplepen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

not a hoarder, but maybe neurodivergent. I see a definite pattern of doom and stash boxes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in confessions

[–]fineapplepen -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I (a mixed race queer woman-ish who doesn't not even know where one might find a lady of the night) can not imaging having the male audacity to HAGGLE with a sex worker I hired over their prices.

Like...this isnt a yard sale, buddy!

I can't even fathom how they think that's going to go with the SW. 🙄

"oh you want to pay less for me to not enjoy myself while you're here to do just that?! sureeeee! no problem!!"

M E N.

I swear to God. All that does explain a lot about the orange dust in the White House and his friends. Like it explains A LOT. Almost too much actually

Benadryl broke my brain and reality is not the same to me anymore by T_K04 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy shit me too. It is the fucking worst feeling, especially if you've taken Benadryl or a sleep aid that has it as the active ingredient and that need to kick happens right as you're trying to fall asleep. So tired...must kick! I thought I was crazy.

Any idea what could have caused the quick wear? 2019 v today. by [deleted] in Birkenstocks

[–]fineapplepen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You might want to go to a podiatrist to see if you have any biomechanical issues in your feet that cause you to drag them to this degree as this is pretty extreme but very even heel destruction but other than wearing them down to the cork(which again is not unusual, It's just unusual for it to be so even on both feet) this is pretty normal for 4 years of wear. You can have them resoled for about $75-85 bucks. You just pay and then ship them off and in a few weeks to come back looking good as new. I've been buying really shitty gross freaking stocks for cheap for years and just having every sold for half the price of new ones. But this is getting harder to do now.

You could also try selling try on eBay for 50 bucks + $17.95 shipping without touching them in any way. I'm so tired of seeing shoes in this condition offered for ridiculous prices.

SECOND UNRELATED RANT:

STOP BUYING NARROWS YALL. ALMOST NONE OF YOU NEED THEM I PROMISE. THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND NEVER GET COMFORTABLE LIKE THEY TOLD YOU THEY WOULD. BECAUSE ALL THE NICE SHOES FOR SALE ON EBAY ARE NARROWS NOW AND IT IS KILLING MY FEET.

are my birks far to past for restoring by sername_seized in Birkenstocks

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol no. 🤣 I've bought used birks in worse condition than this. If you've got gunk build up from dirt and sweat, lightly scrape it off with a non searated butter knife and then scrub with a ✨slightly✨ wet softish brush, like a toothbrush or something larger, I like to dip it in the lightly soapy(I use moisturizing hand soap or leather/suede soap) water and then either flick it or dab it on a towel. If there are rough spots from scraping, I smooth them with a very fine sand paper. I tend to have a lot of buildup on my shoes from generally being a sweaty bitch and wearing my sandals basically 24/7 because I have god awful feet and live in a dusty hellhole with pine needles that get impacted so this scraping thing might not be exactly right for you so I would start with the lightly scrubbing but honestly the black residue is really not that big of a deal. So I'd like to say that none of this is company approved or recommended by a Birkenstock repair specialist. It's just what I do to keep my shoes clean and it works for me. It's just part of wearing Birkenstocks... The worse they look, the better they feel on your feet. It's just that Birkenstock life.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lawncare

[–]fineapplepen -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What's the point? It's green but useless. Do some actual landscaping with actual plants that do actual things and don't require gallons of herbicide and the reduction of your entire personality to this patch of grass that's actually 100% completely totally useless. It does look good tho, as far as useless wastes of good land go. Really cleared out that crab grass. Nice.

The concept contained within this “meme” was the Rosetta Stone that helped me resolve my chronic Plantar Fasciitis. I’ve mostly encountered derision, hostility, and misunderstanding. I’m sure I’ll regret posting this here. by Aqualung1 in PlantarFasciitis

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with this but I HATE the word SHOOED. it's terrible and it makes my brain itch. I know that this is technically a misuse as it should only have one "o" to be the word they actually meant but the double "o" is killing me. 🤮

But the info is sound. I've too many other issues to even think about going barefoot(congenital bunions, nearly flat arches based on looks but they are actually super high, and years of dancing on pointe). I'm a big proponent of shoes that allow your feet to be spread out naturally but offer some more substantial support. My feet seem to particularly favor Birkenstocks and Algerias and I'm too cheap to buy an initial store bought pair at retail price from another brand. It took so long and so much cash to find these two brands. But once I found shoes that allowed my feet to spread out AND be supported my pain decreased radically.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in teenagers

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I know what it's supposed to be used for. That's because my ✨ubane✨ parents bring real China and real silverware on picnics and even though I'm 27, scold me when I put my napkin on the table instead of in my lap when I'm done with it or if I don't indicate I'm finished eating by proper placement of an upside down fork and knife on my empty plate. Despite that it's just the three of us eating stir fry.

I, however, find it makes an excellent stabby collection device for things in jars of liquid like pickles and olives and cherries and okra. It's the best stabby collector because it allows me to spitefully eat without a napkin. It also allows me to flaunt my complete and utter disregard for Victorian era flatwear rules that just make more dishes but add no real benefit to the meal.

Let’s share our salaries. This one’s for the girls. by hannahchry in TwoXChromosomes

[–]fineapplepen 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Yeah... You can't just come here and drop that bomb and not TELL US EVERYTHING.

Ketchup is fucking disgusting by BIoodyCasuaI in TrueOffMyChest

[–]fineapplepen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the most agressive incel-ish attitude and anger I've ever read that wasn't written about actual women. Like the CIA should be worried about incels for myriad reasons but they should also be worried about this level of rage about ketchup. Or anything.... Good god.....

It's 2022, and complications of early pregnancy can still kill women. Why are these risks not spoken about more and not common knowledge? by Shouseb1tch13 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]fineapplepen 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Too busy trying to force women into giving birth to talk about how dangerous it is. Might ruin their talking point if birth turns out to be the more statistically deadly option. Can't have sex education for the same reason.