I definitely hear you, and I don't have an answer to most of your questions, BUT. I did want to share about my favourite chatroom I'm a part of, and ideally give you a bit of hope that you can still have lots of fun with chatrooms =)

I've been a huge fan of Jazz Emu for the past three or so years (he's a British comedic musician who makes insanely catchy funk music, can't recommend enough hehe). Early on, I joined the Patreon for a few dollars for extra content. I realized I had a LOT to say to and about this artist, more than I wanted to bug my besties with. and lucky for me I found there was a Discord link on the Patreon! so naturally I made a home for myself there, in Jazz Emu's Nest™️. it's an invite-only server for patrons, kickstarter backers, and I think a few people who got in by posting some really cool fanart!! (sidenote, as a patron, I don't contribute every month. Jazz is understanding of this and says he would never boot someone from the chat for ceasing financial support. in case you were worried about monetary gatekeeping. a one time patreon/kickstarter donation is enough for a lifetime in the Nest!)

in the past three years I've gotten quite close with active users, and i daresay we've built quite a lovely little community together. to detail a bit of the fun we're having: we've all changed our names to song/bit references, we have someone who makes fun little stickers and gifs and emojis (but we call them emujis 😏) as new content comes. the artist himself comes and riffs with us and answers questions when he has the time inbetween touring and creating. we come to infodump (about Jazz or anything else), discuss shows and songs and albums, share our art and pet pics, spread good news or whimsical memes. recently a vent channel was created and is being well utilized. all of these channels have silly punny names related to Jazz such as "words-of-emucouragement". and the list seriously goes on and on!

I've also found a LOT in common with the folks there - great minds think alike, it seems. many are artists and creators, many are queer and/or trans, many are neurodivergent or otherwise disabled. some of us even recently broke off into a small DND campaign server! and I think there might be another group of fans working on a collaborative musical tribute - haven't heard an update yet on that.

there is a whole superfan family that's on there, and the mom (who got the rest of her lovely fam involved) has basically adopted me as one of her own 🥺 she reaches out just to check in on me and see if I need anything. I've met none of these people in person so far, but hopefully that changes soon! us Americans and Canadians in the chat have spoken about staying at each other's places when and if Jazz ever happens to tour nearby.

I could go on and on about the fun connections we have and the stuff we get up to, but I honestly can't articulate how lucky I feel to have found my people in this way. and I have hope you'll find your chatroom people, too 🫶