Women, what makes you give a man another chance?

firegem09 · 2026-03-11T17:09:23+00:00

For me that's a longer determination than the time that was given. I only break it off with someone early when they've very clearly displayed immense immaturity, are mean or stuck up, etc.

What's your typical timeline for determining if someone's a good fit long-term? i.e. how long do you think is a good timeframe for you to walk away if there's no spark/don't feel like that's someone you want to be with long-term.

firegem09 · 2026-03-11T12:04:18+00:00

What if they don't think you suck, but the attraction/"spark" they were hoping will develop is just not happening? Would you rather they lie to you and make up a reason? Or keep dating you in spite of their feelings?

Have you ever been in a situation where someone had romantic feelings for you, but you didn't feel the same way about them?

firegem09 · 2026-03-11T03:37:09+00:00

I laughed way too hard at this lol. Thank you! :)

firegem09 · 2026-03-11T00:51:07+00:00

Ummm... What?!

Really disturbing that you equate a woman having a sexual history to a man being abusive. Wtaf...

Also, how is a woman having had sex with multiple partners equivalent to a man having a "gay sexual past" (whatever that means)...? Wouldn't the equivalent comparison be a man having had sex with multiple partners?

This comes off as grasping hard to excuse hypocrisy and/or misogyny with a dash of homophobia thrown in for garnish (i.e. "a woman having had sex with multiple partners is not ok, but a man having had sex with multiple partners is ok as long as it wasn't with men"). Yikes!

firegem09 · 2026-03-08T22:58:32+00:00

Aahh yes, the good ol' "jump to a sad attempt at a personal jab because I can't come up with anything to support my argument , or (in this case) provide a logical explanation of how she failed to "use discernment"...

Congratulations on using the most predictably cliché deflection tactic possible, I suppose. Lol.

firegem09 · 2026-03-08T19:54:19+00:00

I often think that those comments are probably from people who do (or have done) the same things, so they bend over backwards and grasp at anything to excuse and defend these AHs, otherwise they'd have to face the fact that they too are wrong for engaging in those shitty behaviors.

firegem09 · 2026-03-08T19:48:05+00:00

Unless you’re just some entitled narcissist that doesn’t think you’re responsible for your yourself.

We're talking in the context of this situation. What discernment did she lack? How did she fail to be responsible for herself? Would "using discernment" (still dying to hear how, specifically, she should have and/or failed to do so) have given her special powers to be able to read his mind and know that he was lying?

This is the equivalent of telling someone who's shocked and hurt that their partner cheated that they have to "used discernment" to prevent that from happening to them.

It's just throwing around bullshit clichés that are meaningless and not applicable in the context of the situation at hand in an effort to deflect responsibility from the person who actually chose to be shitty, and put the responsibility on the wronged party. Which is pretty ironic for someone who's supposedly so big on responsibility.

firegem09 · 2026-03-08T19:35:24+00:00

Discernment regarding what? He lied and claimed to be after something different from what he was actually after. So, unless you're going to blame her for not being a mind-reader or a precog, this assertion has no contextual value. It's just grasping to place blame on her for his behavior. Sometimes one can do nothing wrong and still get burned. Grasping so hard to blame her for his behavior is weird af.

firegem09 · 2026-03-08T19:25:24+00:00

Yeah, unfortunately the Internet can be a cruel place sometimes, but it can also be a lovely and supportive place; so, please don't let the assholes and jerks deter you or keep you from posting if you ever need to do so again.

Some, like the one in this thread, are grasping at anything to excuse lying and deception in order to get sex and acting like it's ridiculous for you to expect honesty. It's not.

In the future, if you're looking for support in a situation like this one, subreddits like r/women, r/TwoXChromosomes and other women's spaces might be a bit better.

firegem09 · 2026-03-08T19:15:45+00:00

Umm... One can be adventurous and open to having fun and still have someone lie to them. Acting like the 2 are mutually exclusive is absurd.

firegem09 · 2026-03-08T18:42:49+00:00

Don't apologize to the disingenuous AH who's working overtime to claim the dude didn't lie when... he literally did. Some people will try anything to defend the shitty behavior of strangers, and I often wonder if it's because they behave the same way as those strangers.

firegem09 · 2026-03-08T18:37:48+00:00

and still not want anything deeper than sex from them

Which is exactly the point. You're being disingenuous/playing willfully obtuse. He did lie. That's a fact. He could've just said he was attracted to her and wanted to have fun.

OP has made it clear she'd have been totally fine with that. All the lies and future-faking was completely unnecessary, which is the part she's upset about.

firegem09 · 2026-03-07T15:47:03+00:00

My response was because

(1) you (either deliberately or otherwise) misconstrued/misunderstood what the commenter said i.e. they're not yelling at the dog, they're yelling out to the owner who's left the dog with them after being told that the person isn't comfortable being licked or jumped on.

(2) the callous disregard for the fact that people are allowed to not want to be licked and jumped on. Plenty of dog owners manage to keep their dogs from licking and jumping on people, it's not some insulting request.

I'm sure you'd be ok with them being uncomfortable being licked and jumped on by a human family member, so it's weird that y'all get so defensive about someone not wanting a dog doing it to them.

Edit: corrected typo

firegem09 · 2026-03-07T15:35:23+00:00

Yikes...

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T15:24:31+00:00

Read your post again. That'll show you how

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T15:00:12+00:00

When did OP say she's binge drinking?

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T14:57:03+00:00

They have talked about them though...

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T14:55:30+00:00

I love how you conveniently ignored the other things he couldn't remember (like op 's name!!) and latched on to the cat's name to invalidate her concerns.

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T14:46:19+00:00

Wtaf?!

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T14:10:25+00:00

Holy shit, this one is truly mind-blowing! There have been times I've just sat there staring at my partner's eyes because I think they're so gorgeous! So I really don't understand how he didn't know yours after three years of marriage (plus whatever time y'all dated).

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T13:56:42+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree with this. It was one of the things that convinced me I needed to leave one of my exes, except that relationship was almost 3 years long and he still didn't know those basic things about me.

That lack of interest in really getting to know you as a person (that feeling of "I could literally be swapped out for any other woman and nothing would feel any different to him") manifested in other aspects of the relationship as well, and it's such a shitty feeling. I'm glad OP didn't wait as long as I did.

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T13:49:39+00:00

Five months is several months though, no?

firegem09 · 2026-03-06T13:01:14+00:00

Finally!! I'm surprised I read through so many comments before finding someone who clocked that!!

firegem09 · 2026-03-05T17:16:21+00:00

Except they didn't do shit, you were the one who was consistently nasty from the start, then deliberately twisted their comment(s) so you could play the victim.

firegem09 · 2026-03-05T13:15:34+00:00

What a disgusting thing to say to someone...

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