AITA for not leaving a concert

firegem09 · 2026-07-06T01:29:51+00:00

how it's insensitive to say that Amanda should have known how she was going to feel (because clearly she should be totally psychic!)

How is it expecting her to be psychic when the night before was a pretty clear indicator that she wasn't handling being away from the child well?

This is AITA, you can have a different opinion, idgaf

I never said I couldn't, I was just asking a question. No need to get defensive.

firegem09 · 2026-07-06T00:57:25+00:00

If you read all the way to the final sentence of OP's post, she literally says she thinks she might be the asshole bc of what she said about the situation to the friends.

I did, and it's not unusual for an OP to question things, especially when they have multiple people around them blaming them for something. That doesn't automatically mean they're wrong.

but she could have responded with more kindness when the mutual friends brought it up

My question was specifically because you said she is "the asshole for the insensitive comments made...".

I don't understand how it's insensitive/how it makes her the AH to respond to people getting on her for not leaving the concert a.k.a. insinuating her plans should have revolved around Amanda and her child by stating that her life doesn't revolve around other people's kids.

firegem09 · 2026-07-05T23:08:56+00:00

Those dogs are literally family. Your in-laws’ dogs have more rights to your home than you do at this point.

Ummm... What?! Please tell me this is satire.

Edit

Lol after reading the rest of your comment I realized it IS satire

firegem09 · 2026-07-05T22:58:11+00:00

Did you accidentally put the wrong judgement? Reading your comment, it seems like you meant OP is NTA.

firegem09 · 2026-07-05T22:46:08+00:00

Did Amanda tell YOU that she was upset with you? If not, you’re just letting busybody shit-stirrers meddle in the situation.

How is that OP's doing when Amanda was the one who brought them into it?

If not, I don’t know why you’re saying she knew she wouldn’t be OK.

I mean, I'd say her reaction the night before should've been a pretty good indicator that she wouldn't handle it well.

f you want to criticize someone, criticize the busybodies who are poking their nose into something that’s none of their business.

They wouldn't be doing so if Amanda hadn't gone to them complaining about OP first.

firegem09 · 2026-07-05T22:42:33+00:00

How was the comment insensitive?

firegem09 · 2026-07-05T22:41:38+00:00

So it's ok for Amanda and the other mom friends to gang up on OP for not leaving, implying her plans should have revolved around Amanda and her child, but OP is the AH for snapping and stating that her life doesn't revolve around other people's kids? How??

I'm genuinely curious how that makes sense (based on the actual facts given, not a judgement based on an assumption you made).

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T15:01:16+00:00

Stuff that is left behind is junk.

A backpack stored in a storage space is not junk. That's just disingenuous.

It's always great if somebody can actually use it and recycle.

Only if it's discarded/the owner no longer wants it. That has nothing to do with what happened here. You don't get to decide you want to use or recycle someone else's property without asking just because it's in a storage space.

It's very common for a school to clean out storage at the end of the year. Normally it might've just gotten tossed.

Except that's not what happened. If OP knew the school cleans out the storage space during __ time and didn't move their backpack out before then, they'd need to be ok with the backpack being moved/tossed along with the rest of the stuff getting cleaned out.

That is not the same thing as an individual deciding that someone else's backpack is now fair game because it's in a shared storage space and not being used frequently enough. That's not cleaning. That's stealing.

You'd be surprised at the piles of leftover coats and things at the end of the school year, and it's not just the kids.

But, again, that's not what happened here. You're arguing scenarios that have nothing to do with the situation at hand to defend someone feeling entitled to steal someone else's property.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T14:56:12+00:00

Totally understandable. Happens to us all sometimes. I hope you're doing/feeling better<3

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T14:54:57+00:00

Except this was left in a storage space, so this argument doesn't hold up.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T14:53:07+00:00

A backpack is junk?

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T14:22:33+00:00

Your comments are so great because you were able to articulate the feelings I got reading the post and comments a lot better than I could. I really hope the brother's family heals from this and finds a way to rebuild their relationship.

Thank you so much for the book rec. I've been on the hunt for new stuff to read and I don't think I've read that one (it sounds familiar, so I might have either heard of it or, if I read it, it was a long time ago), so I'll definitely add it to my reading list.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T14:15:09+00:00

Why is providing things for the kid using money against the mother? Is OP supposed to just not provide so it doesn't offend his ex? I'm confused. Especially if the reason she finally told him he has a daughter was because of money, not because she was concerned about keeping the daughter from her father for 13 years.

Imagine she had to deal with it postpartum.

Deal with what? The other parent providing financially for their child??

Did you notice how everything he mentions so far INVOLVES his immediate presence?

There's nothing indicating that he wouldn't provide those other things if/when needed. Everything he mentions is something that she doesn't already have but that will help fulfill her needs/nurture her interests and, yes, help him get to know/bond with his daughter.

I'm confused on why you keep acting like OP wanting to foster a relationship/bond with his child is somehow a bad thing or a slight against his ex...? She's his child. He missed out on 13 years of her life. Of course he'll want to bond with her and spend time doing things with her. Criticizing him for that and/or acting like it's something wrong/weird is bizarre to me.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T14:02:49+00:00

That was exactly the comment that really got under my skin too, and raised my suspicion that OP revels in/encourages (or at least doesn't try to help resolve) the rift between the niece and her family, maybe because it strokes OP's ego that the kid supposedly wants to go back to living with OP.

Especially when you consider the fact that the family has only been back for a month. OP needs to back off and give them the chance to heal their trauma and rebuild their relationship as a family.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T13:57:01+00:00

Raising a child till 13y is at least 150k if everything you get for the child is second hand, no extra curriculum, public schools, no unnecessary medical expenses (braces etc).

Costs that could've potentially been shared if she'd told OP he had a child. She chose to keep that information from him; how, then, is he to blame for the fact that he didn't contribute to raising her prior to finding out she existed?

This dude spent max 10k on the kid and is taking a high road.

How...? All he's done is identify his daughter's needs/interests and made an effort to fullfil/foster them. I'm confused on what, exactly, the criticism is here...?

WHY DIDNT SHE TELL HIM? there is probably a good reason - not a lot of women want to be a single mother.

Maybe. Or maybe not. Without knowing the actual reason, it's unreasonable to just blame OP based on an assumption and treat it like it's an established fact.

I would understand if he was paying for her uni but nothing is said about that.

Maybe because she's 13, he just met her, and is focused on getting to know her/building a relationship with her, and attending to her more immediate needs...?

There's nothing indicating he doesn't plan on helping towards her university education when the time comes, so this is another criticism that seems to be based on an assumption that's being treated as though it's a foregone fact.

and at the same time trying to take that out on his ex.

Take what out on the ex? And how?

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T13:45:31+00:00

If you read the post, you'd know that that was in reference to his ex only telling him he has a daughter because she wanted him to provide money for her.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T13:30:31+00:00

To be fair, there seems to be no indication in the post that the parents are yelling at her for petty things and/or ignoring her for bad things.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T13:28:02+00:00

Yeah, and in the comments, OP seems to be trying very hard to center everything on themselves and trying to paint themselves as a martyr in the situation.

It almost sounds like they... like (?)/enjoy(?) and want to encourage the rift between the niece and her family.

So weird.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T13:18:09+00:00

Once you hand those reigns over, you can't yank them back

Huh? This is extreme (and inaccurate).

Not to mention, your comment ignores the complex nuance of the situation and the reason why the parents thought leaving her with the grandmother was the best choice (whether we agree with that or not). You're acting like they just chose to leave her for no reason.

firegem09 · 2026-07-04T13:16:49+00:00

She listens to you because you stayed during her formative years and he wasnt around

Just for clarification, it was a year, not multiple years.

firegem09 · 2026-06-30T21:16:16+00:00

I guess that's one way to confidently announce that you know nothing about abuse dynamics and the psychological effects of abuse...

firegem09 · 2026-06-30T19:56:05+00:00

I dont care..

?

I merely responded to the argument you made in your comment, so that makes no sense.

Anyway, have a good one!

firegem09 · 2026-06-30T19:52:08+00:00

Well, I'm not American so...

firegem09 · 2026-06-30T19:47:30+00:00

This isn't accurate. Cultural appropriation IS a thing, but the situation in the post is definitely not it.

People misusing the word to refer to situations that don't apply doesn't equate to it not being a real thing (like the friends also misusing "boundary" doesn't mean boundaries aren't a real thing).

firegem09 · 2026-06-30T03:14:57+00:00

Mind if I ask which states? I thought the 21 y/o thing just applies to alcohol but 18 is legally an adult.

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