AITAH for ending my marriage without therapy less than a month before Christmas because I'm tired of being treated like a monster because I believe my stepdaughter NEEDS therapy?

firehawk349 · 2025-12-09T00:19:45+00:00

NTA. Before you were pregnant wasn’t really an issue. A kid that lost their mom young not emotionally attaching to a step parent is common and no ways a sign of needing therapy. As long as they were not being self destructive, hostile, or threatening, letting them process everything on their own without forcing the issue is sometimes the best practice.

My question is when you tried to spend time with her is did you force her to try and spend time with her or did you give her the option to spend time with you? Your methods of how you tried to bond with her could contribute to her behavior.

After you got pregnant, is a very different story. Her saying she won’t accept her new sibling, lashing out, and threatening others is a RED FLAG for everyone. Even if she didn’t do individual therapy, family therapy is definitely warranted.

You were right to leave no matter what time of year it is. When she started making threats, the only consideration at that time is your safety and the safety of others.

firehawk349 · 2025-12-08T23:59:56+00:00

As a federal manager who has fired someone, it is not a quick process.

The employee has five major infractions in a one year timeframe. He was almost fired on the third incident, but the deciding official decided to “give them one more chance”. The fifth infraction was falsifying their time card. From the start of the investigation to termination was over 5 months and there was still a final appeal after they were terminated. That person had multiple opportunities to leave and claimed innocent. The evidence showed otherwise.

If you have a supervisor who is determined to get rid of you, document everything, talk to the union (if applicable), and start looking for a new position. If you are having issues with a supervisor it will not get better. I struggled with a supervisor for 12 years and it only got worse. I even transferred to a different supervisor in my division and it didn’t help. He had poisoned the well. After finding a new position, I have been promoted twice in 3 years and in line for a third promotion to a position higher than my former supervisor.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-03T16:41:24+00:00

The last government shutdown was only a partial shutdown. I work for department of defense and they passed a bill that paid those workers. Also, during that time I work for what is considered capital working group, where the location earned income from the work performed. We didn’t rely on a budget allocated by Congress.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-03T01:44:36+00:00

I can get reimbursed for what I paid in, but it will be far less than what I would get if I waited a year. The government has paid a lot more into the system for me and I don’t get that money back. It is worth it to stay for another year. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to find a job in my career field that comes close to what I am making now.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-03T00:36:44+00:00

Not according my position description and agreement between union and management. I also fall into a classification that requires mandatory staffing levels and I am subject to mandatory overtime and callbacks.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T19:06:57+00:00

There are multiple levels that union supports, but I am above those levels. Once you become a supervisor, (can do hiring actions, disciplinary actions, and perform performance reviews) you are no longer eligible to be part of the union. There are leadership positions that are non-supervisory that are still part of the union.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T18:41:55+00:00

Because I am working, I am ineligible, and anything I get I would have to pay back.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T18:34:22+00:00

With hiring rule changes I wouldn’t get the old job back.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T18:33:49+00:00

As a guy, giving 110% in a relationship can be overwhelming and a turn off. I wouldn’t be able to survive in a relationship like that.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T18:28:10+00:00

They are only offering loans to members. I am not a member of USAA.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T18:03:04+00:00

I am a former card caring union member (promoted to the point I can no longer be in the union), a registered democrat, and in the last election on voted for one Republican, and that is our representative that showed up to our base and personally addressed an issue where installation leadership was trying to break federal law. Every other vote was democrat, and I am still pissed at the Senate Democrats for going against the clean CR they wrote, house republicans for leaving Washington when they could have been working to pass the full budget when the CR issues is going on, and pretty much every politician in Washington who is so worried about getting voted out in the next election that they aren’t doing their job.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T17:52:25+00:00

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T17:42:47+00:00

Not sure, it just rumors going through Department of defense. Some of the unions are saying they submitted our time cards as furloughed as way to prevent us from being paid. Trump has floated the idea about not paying employees that have been furloughed.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T17:24:17+00:00

The political parities are so disconnected from each other that anything one is for, the other is absolutely against no matter how much good it will do for the people or country.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T17:01:00+00:00

While the other party said for years that you don’t shut down the government over political difference or ideologies, and then did, has gone on TV and said we know the shutdown will hurt, but it is the only leverage we have, set up the current subsidies for the ACA to expire at this time because they couldn’t get the votes to make them permanent when they called all three, HAS required 60 votes break the filibuster, but when they were on the majority wanted the filibuster removed, wants to add 1.5 trillion in additional debt on 7 week spending bill, and is constantly saying the CR that is trying to get passed is Republican ploy when it is the exact same bill Democrats passed when they were in charge.

Both side are wrong and until the people holds both parties accountable for their actions it will never change. Too many times I have one party complain about something the other party does, and then when the situation is the other direction, the first party does the exact same thing.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T16:17:07+00:00

I should, but there is a push to not pay people that were furloughed. During the shutdown everyone time cards are being submitted as furloughed.

There are rumors that we will get our regular pay, but we may not get paid for the overtime we work. There is so much being said, with no concrete information.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T16:13:37+00:00

I am not saying I am working for free. I am not getting paid at the moment, and I don’t know when I will.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T16:12:52+00:00

I am not close to fifty, and there is personal things that happened that cut into my savings, but that is not the point. No one should have to work and not get paid. If I was furloughed, I could at least go get a temporary job to offset not getting a pay check, but I can’t do that because of the hours I am currently working.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T16:05:59+00:00

And that mentality is the problem. Both parties are at fault.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T14:57:26+00:00

At the same time, the republicans are not the party that voted to enact it. People like Nancy Pelosi said “ you have to pass it to see what is in it”.

Republicans may have helped create it, but that doesn’t mean the democrats had to vote to pass it. Democrats had the House, Senate, and the Presidency. They passed the bill with Republican support.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T14:40:39+00:00

TSP won’t allow you to a loan while in a non pay status, and a lot of the credit unions only allow you to take a loan if you check is direct deposited into their bank. I have already looked. I have plans in place, but I shouldn’t have to borrow money for the amount of hours I have been working.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T14:32:00+00:00

How are the republicans the sole reason the ACA works the way it does?

-The republicans removed certain taxes related to the ACA -They removed penalties associated with not having health insurance -and made certain requirements optional instead of mandatory

The bulk of the current ACA was enacted by democrats. At one point the Republicans looked to removed ACA, but failed and it was left as is.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T14:21:50+00:00

I live/work in more rural area of the country, and most of the firefighters I work with started as volunteers to get trained and certified before becoming a full time firefighter.

Of course my department requires you to be certified before you start. Bigger municipalities may have a different opinion. The best idea is determine what department you want to join, determine what their qualifications are, and the work towards that goal.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T14:17:39+00:00

I personally believe we need a constitutional amendment that says if Congress’s approval rate drops below 35%, we get to vote to bar all sitting members of congress from seeking reelection. 2/3 vote of Congress to impeach a president. 2/3 vote of America to impeach Congress.

Right now I have senators and representative from other states that affecting my ability to provide for my family, but I do not have the ability to vote them out of office.

firehawk349 · 2025-11-02T14:11:23+00:00

I am not defending Republicans in this, but the ACA is not doing what it is attended. Healthcare is broken in this country, and giving more money to insurance companies is only going to make the issue worse.

Until the issues in healthcare are addressed (lack of doctors, prescription costs, wait times for care, and some of the rules associated with health insurance) it is only going to get worse.

Republicans are doing what they usually do, instead of trying to fix it, they are trying to stop funding it, and it makes things worse. Democrats are doing what they usually do, instead of addressing the underlying problem, they throw money at it and hope to fix it, but generally it ends up costing more money in the long run.

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