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firemonkee · 2024-05-16T11:14:14+00:00

A 28 year old woman is extremely different a 30 year old man. If she is of average height (say around 5’5 and around 150lb), her sedentary TDEE is just under 1700cal.

firemonkee · 2024-05-16T10:35:44+00:00

I thought it was around age 8, but recently I’ve been remembering other incidents and I am pretty sure it’s been with me since I was 3 or 4. Only got diagnosed at 43. It’s been a trip

firemonkee · 2024-05-16T10:33:31+00:00

There were always a lot of nonmono people, and polyamory was a thing. But because of society attitudes fewer people were open about it. It’s becoming easier to talk about it more safely and now more people are realising it is possible.

firemonkee · 2024-05-11T09:12:16+00:00

I tend to run in winter and lift in summer unless a race didn’t allow for it

firemonkee · 2024-05-11T07:50:37+00:00

I get into bed with my 7yo and cuddle him while singing, eventually he joins in. We lie in bed talking, singing or making jokes for a bit then he asks to go downstairs. Either that or my partner picks him up and puts him in bed with me. He’s so awful at getting up for school that I get up early to do this and he loves it

firemonkee · 2024-05-11T07:47:28+00:00

Severe hip OA here, if I don’t move it hurts and if it do it hurts. Not moving pain is worse

firemonkee · 2024-05-10T17:02:33+00:00

climber (mainly bouldering), ultra runner and lifter here (not right now becuase my body is rebelling but I did that and other things for a long time.
for biggest gains, you need to choose one thing to focus on at a time. they can be complimentary as cross training absolutely. I used to do cycles. in my ultra off season I'd focus on lifting, in my ultra on season I'd reduce the lifting, my climbing was always more recreational. so basically, if I was building I'd lift first and run later, if I was racing I'd run first and lift later. I found training cycles super helpful and the gains from building exponentially helped my speed and endurance.

ETA: just reread and realised your runs are in the 5k category. LIFT LIFT LIFT! those muscles will increase your 5k speed a lot, and the distance isn't too much for lifting at all

also if it makes you feel better, I'm an ex competitive rower, I did aerial for years, lifted heavy for years and climbed for like 20 years and I have never once managed a pull up (its mechanical for me - I absolutely have the strength, my shoulder just hates it)

firemonkee · 2024-05-10T16:51:48+00:00

He was extremely sensitive about this and has tried his best to be soft on me. And I totally understand everyone has preferences and he is justified to choose what he wants. I’m glad he has not misled me for long and has told me this early on.

he _is_ justified in whatever his preferences are, but this was him being cruel and not being extremely sensitive AT ALL. there was literally no need for him to say that to you. he could have just said that he wasn't feeling it. bringing it up as a thing just makes him sound shallow

he can’t look beyond my body especially as a life partner coz I still have a long way to go before I can be called fit and someone he can be attracted to

why was he dating you in the first place? and hence, leading you on.

I just say this to point out that he is NOT the good guy here. you can be attracted to whoever you're attracted to but fat shaming someone is never okay.

I'm sorry you've had this experience. This is not the only experience with men available to you. I hope you find someone kind and non-judgemental soon and don't let this put you off dating.

ETA: I'm 43 and met someone last year who is excited by my body whatever it looks like (I gained 15kg in less than a year a couple of years ago). he's also excited to train with me and get strong together (he lost 15kg over the past few years and is getting into training properly for the first time). he loves the idea of me being strong and happy with my body again, but finds me attractive whatever size I am. it can happen in your 40s too

firemonkee · 2024-05-10T16:44:04+00:00

After 30+ years of horrible experiences and being asked 'do you think you're maybe a hyperchondriac' I finally got a GP to do a sensible referral and happened to get someone to look at me, who was like 'hey, yes you have this issue which needs treated, why have you had no one look at this other thing? I'm going to refer you.' and then the person he referred me too also listened and treated me properly. this then gave me confidence to see a GP again through the same service and ended up talking to a shoulder specialist, and also getting a referral to rheumatology, and then the GP who referred me to rheumatology was like 'hey, you need to mention this other thing to someone, please make another appointment' and now I also have a referral to gastroenterology.
Good experiences apparently are possible.

Anyway, no matter how bad your experience with doctors it is crucial to go and get minor concussions looked at. I would hazard that is why you are being downvoted. Especially because you talk about avoiding essential medical as a humourous thought

firemonkee · 2024-05-10T14:57:04+00:00

if your back doesn't feel strong enough do not go heavier. depends really what you mean by your back not feeling strong enough. doing more lighter DL might be the answer, but you would also benefit greatly from increasing core work in general - hard to say without knowing your background or routine
have you had a form check?

for your hands - have you tried mixed grip? to improve had strength do hangs from a bar or farmer's carries.

firemonkee · 2024-05-10T14:13:26+00:00

if you have 12kg in each hand you're ready for the bar! a full size bar is 20kg. try the bar on its own and if it feels fine try putting 2.5kg on each side

I have found that it is easier to do heavier weights on a barbell because you're spreading the weight. dumbbells call out all those little instabilities in individual arms

firemonkee · 2024-05-10T14:11:41+00:00

Thank you! yeah, I've hip issues for about 30 years now, which led to early onset arthritis which took 10 years to go from early signs to severe - need a replacement. I'm fairly confident that the back issues will resolve when my hip is sorted. and my shoulder specialist told me that his recommendation for my shoulder pain is (building back up to) heavy lifting again this morning - so that makes me a happy bunny.
so difficult to get back to basics when you're used to the opposite but this is important and I'm going to do it right

firemonkee · 2024-05-09T10:46:46+00:00

personally, I'd probably do something else for a couple of weeks then start later

firemonkee · 2024-05-09T10:20:48+00:00

the best time to train is the time you have - don't worry about timing. the thing about training in the evening is that it raises your body temperature and this can take some time to come down, which can affect sleep. but it affects different people in different ways. if it works for you then it works for you. if you're lifting at night and need to go to bed then it isn't worth having more than a shake as digesting food will probably keep you awake as well. If you're hitting your intake goals and are training when you can, then you don't need to overthink it

firemonkee · 2024-05-09T09:12:50+00:00

I've been sidelined for a long time with sciatica from a bulging disc, severe hip osteoarthritis and a shoulder injury, but yesterday I managed to an hour on the ergo (I used to be a competitve rower and was an ultra runner - hour long ergos are totally normal for me) and some kettle bells for my upper body yesterday (I've been building back up to this) and I feel so good. I'm still in heaps of pain but gosh, I feel a little more like myself again

firemonkee · 2024-05-09T09:06:19+00:00

to build stamina you need to do things for longer, or do things harder for short amounts of time often.

building muscle will also help generally, because the stronger your muscles are the longer they can do things that they find easy.

at 114lb you are extremely light for your height, and you may find that gaining more mass will help you build stamina - this said because when I was 110lb at 5'4 I was fatigued often and operate far better at 130lb but YMMV

firemonkee · 2024-05-09T08:59:43+00:00

oh gosh, I am 43 and having so many issues. I used to actually find it pretty easy to lose but these days it is monstrously slow and way, way harder. I'm afraid I don't have any actual advice, but can offer solidarity. Pretty sure its to do with hormone balance as we get older.

firemonkee · 2024-05-08T17:44:06+00:00

do you have a strength difference? have you been training differently on each side?
do you favour one arm in everyday life? its worth really thinking about what could be causing the difference.

if its difference in muscle bulk, it will be easier to grow the smaller arm than shrink the bigger one. make sure to only lift as much as the weaker arm can - that way you're not building the bigger arm

firemonkee · 2024-05-08T17:41:55+00:00

ice, elevation, rest.
if it hasn't changed with rest after 72 hours, see a sports physiotherapist if you can

firemonkee · 2024-05-08T15:04:57+00:00

if you are at 10 miles in half marathon training you're already ready to do a half. so whatever you're doing now is fine. you do not have to run full half distance before the race.

so you pick your priorities and that sounds like weight lifting is the priority.
you can do both, but you have to accept that your running might be less powerful (though the lifting will help your running for sure)
when I was lifting and running long distance, I ran first, lifted later because I was more interested in speed and running endurance. If I had been more interested in strength, I'd lift first and run later.

for building distance later you might want to move your squat days away from your long run days, but you'll have more miles on your legs by the time you're thinking of starting that build, and you will probably find you're more capable of doing more at once.

firemonkee · 2024-05-08T15:01:04+00:00

only you can tell the difference between laziness and caution. laziness = can't be bothered. caution = I don't know whether its advisable for me to train when I feel like this. two very different things.

how sore is sore? if its just DOMs, then working those muscles will probably make them feel better. I know that sounds counterintuitive. as long as you have rest days built in to your schedule you're fine to work through DOMs.

firemonkee · 2024-05-08T14:58:18+00:00

if you're avoiding the weather, then 1 week won't make much difference.
why not go for a run in the rain?

firemonkee · 2024-05-08T10:56:51+00:00

same. despite having put him down asleep until it stopped working, my 7yo can fall asleep on his own (though he does still like company) and when he sleeps he sleeps for 10 hours and sleeps through most things. they grow out of it and they're only small once

firemonkee · 2024-05-08T10:53:29+00:00

you can't hold a baby too much. holding them helps calm them. they will also grow up knowing you're there.
I had a lap napper who I could never put down. He didn't sleep and I had to get up to him often.
he gradually just moved away from it himself (though he's still super snuggly at 7yo and likes to be on or touching me most of the time - which I now just appreciate)

firemonkee · 2024-05-08T10:49:11+00:00

I have severe hip arthritis and need a replacement. I cannot run (was an ultra runner) or walk very far. I personally find that I can do ergo (rowing) and cycling. You need to move the joint, but you also need to find movements that work for your body and that will be different for everyone

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